How to Avoid Loneliness

Last Updated: May 6, 2021 References Approved

Loneliness, albeit a natural feeling, is not something most people want to experience. Whether you're prone to loneliness as the result of a missing loved one or place, or if you're preparing for a time spent away from your friends and family, there are many ways to avoid loneliness. Look at changes you can make by yourself, incorporate more time with friends and family into your life, and learn how to avoid addictive coping mechanisms.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Spending Time by Yourself

1
Get your emotions in order. Before you can start getting rid of your loneliness, you need to determine what it is exactly that is making you feel lonely. Do you miss a certain person, or a particular place? Do you generally just feel like you don't have many friends, or that the friends you do have aren't close to you? Determining why you're lonely may give you a solution for your problem right away - not everyone can tell where their feelings of loneliness originate. If you're missing a particular person or place that you can't visit, much of your problem-solving will need to be introspective. If you are desirous of more friends or feel isolated, than your solution will more likely be to get out and meet new people.^{[1]
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- Try journaling if you're not sure why you feel lonely. Be as specific as possible.
- Don't be embarrassed at the cause(s) of your loneliness. It is a perfectly normal feeling that everyone struggles with at one time or another.
2
Focus on your health. Before you make any other changes, you should look to your own health for indicators of causes for loneliness. Oftentimes lack of sleep, exercise, and healthy foods can leave you feeling lethargic and depressed, leading to loneliness over time. Spend a week making positive changes to your health; aim to get eight hours of sleep every night, try to fit in at least 30 minutes of physical activity, and cut out junk food/incorporate more fruits and vegetables into your diet. If nothing else, doing these things will give you more energy and reduce stress, which overall impacts your positive outlook and feelings of happiness.^{[2]
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Nature
Respected Multidisciplinary Scientific Journal
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- Studies have shown that poor sleep and lack of physical activity are correlated to feelings of loneliness.
- Certain foods - particularly fruits and vegetables - contain hormones that increase happiness.^{[3]
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3
Bring an old hobby back to life. It's easy to become overwhelmed by isolation or a massive 'to-do' list, and not only run out of time in your life for people but also for your favorite activities. It's much more difficult to feel lonely if you're actively enjoying an activity, especially one that you have some skill or practice with. If you've got a hobby that you love or are interested in, set aside some time each day to work on starting it up (again). Whenever you are hit with those pangs of loneliness, make a conscious effort to go spend time on your hobby.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Donna Novak, Psy.D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 8 December 2020.} Some new hobby ideas might include:
- Reading regularly
- Playing a sport
- Going hiking
- Taking up knitting or crocheting
- Learning to cook, or trying new recipes
- Painting
- Gardening
4
Start a big project. On a similar tangent to picking up a hobby, working on a large project can be a great way to distract yourself from present feelings of loneliness, and to help give yourself purpose when all you might want to do is curl up in bed. What counts as a 'big' project will vary from person to person; for one individual, it might mean painting the interior of their house. For another, it might mean starting a new degree or set of classes through an online university. Whatever your 'big' project is, set daily or weekly goals so that you have something to focus your hard work on. You won't have time to feel lonely, with all the dedication you'll be pouring into your project. Some big project ideas might include:^{[5]
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- Learning a new language
- Writing your own book
- Building a large piece of furniture
- Learning a new instrument
- Building a car or motorcycle from parts
- Starting a small business
- Starting (or finishing) a degree
5
Spend more time outside. The great outdoors has been a healing power for millions of people over the years. And while it might sound counter-intuitive to get over your loneliness by going outside alone, your time spent in nature will likely improve your emotional state and banish those feelings of loneliness. Sunshine helps increase endorphins in your system, making you feel happier and less focused on your loneliness. Plus, exploring new places, getting your blood pumping, and seeing your natural local will all change your focus and balance your mental state.^{[6]
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Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
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- Look for good hikes in your area, or simply explore a new park.
- Try going kayaking or on a bike ride, if you're not interested in just walking around.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Being Around Other People

1
Make small plans with friends, often. If you feel like you can only hang out with people if it's at a party or out at a nice dinner, you may limit the total amount of time you could be spending with people you enjoy. However, if you go out of your way to plan small 'dates' throughout the week with a variety of friends, you'll fill up your free time with socializing, which will practically remove loneliness from your life altogether. Going out with friends doesn't need to take much time or money. Whether you meet someone new at the coffee shop or you call up an old friend, try some of these easy 'date' ideas:
- Go for coffee or to a cafe
- Take a walk through a local park
- Run errands together (specifically with a close friend/family member)
- Cook a new recipe together
- Grab lunch during your break at work
2
Make big plans so that you have events to look forward to. It's easy to feel lonely and overwhelmed when the future seems bleak and devoid of any plans. If you have something to look forward to - whether it be a big event or a meeting with someone you miss - you'll probably feel less lonely and more excited for what's to come. Take time to make a list of possible activities you might want to partake in. Then, spend a few days planning out the event to the fullest extent, so that you are fully prepared and stress-free. If you're able, include other people in the planning process and the final event for extra lonely-punching effect. Consider plans like:
- Going on a weekend trip to a new place
- Hosting a big dinner party or bonfire
- Going to a music festival or other related event
3
Consider getting a pet. If spending time out with friends or away from your home isn't an option for you, you might consider getting a pet to help fight loneliness. Studies have shown that people who have pets are much less likely to experience depression and loneliness than those who do not. Cats and dogs are generally considered the best pets for fighting loneliness, as they are happy to interact with you and enjoy physical contact (for the most part). Pets provide company and a good distraction from any negative feelings that may be bogging you down.^{[7]
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- Keep in mind that getting a pet is a big responsibility, and does require a large amount of time and care.
- If a dog or cat won't work for your lifestyle, birds and rodents are common pets that may also help.
4
Avoid staying at home all the time. Sometimes, a change of scenery is all that is needed to freshen up your life and make you feel a bit happier. Not only that, but getting out and about exposes to you new opportunities for friends and hobbies. Keep in mind that just because you go out, doesn't mean you have to go out with people. You can conquer your loneliness even if you go out alone, so long as you are doing something you enjoy. Try going to a new cafe for work or studying, or simply visit your favorite part of the city.
- Becoming dependent on your bed or couch is a fast track to loneliness. Do your best to get out and try new things, even when all you may want to do is binge watch Netflix.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Avoiding Coping Mechanisms

1
Understand that loneliness and isolation are different. Sometimes, especially if you are a big people-person, it can be easy to mix up 'loneliness' with 'isolation'. Loneliness is the feeling of missing someone or something, or of being left alone. Isolation is simply the act of being by yourself. While loneliness should be remedied, isolation is a normal and natural part of life. Don't feel obligated to fill up every waking moment with activities and time with people. Time by yourself is healthy and necessary, and unless you are truly feeling lonely, is not something you need to try to 'fix'.^{[8]
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2
Don't become dependent on your family and friends. When you feel lonely and you aren't quite sure why, it can be easy to fall back on family and friends as a distraction from your emotions. However, doing this simply masks your true feelings, and won't help you to feel better in the long run. Take time to examine the source(s) of your loneliness, and work to come up with solutions for this outside of constantly relying on a friend to take you out. You'll feel better in the long run, even if it does require a bit more emotional and mental work in the meantime.
3
Avoid addictive coping behaviors. It's not uncommon for someone who feels lonely to end up coping with a possibly addictive behavior - whether it be alcohol, drugs, shopping, food, or something else. When you're feeling sad and really missing someone/something, you need to address your emotions directly. Trying to avoid your feelings or working around them with addictive behavior is not only unhealthy, but it will exacerbate your loneliness problem. Take steps to make healthy life decisions when you're upset, rather than using quick fixes that make things worse down the line.^{[9]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How do I enjoy being alone?

Donna Novak, Psy.D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Donna Novak is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in treating anxiety and relationship and sex concerns. She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctoral degree (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University-Los Angeles. Dr. Novak uses a differentiation model in treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation, and confidence.

Donna Novak, Psy.D

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Engage in a favorite hobby! Spend your alone time doing something fun, and you'll forget that you ever felt lonely.

Warnings

If you are having difficulty overcoming your loneliness and feel that it has progressed into depression, you should visit a psychologist or therapist for help.

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