How to Act When a Colleague Becomes Your Boss

Co-authored by Lauren Krasny

Last Updated: January 31, 2023 References

Having a former co-worker transition into being your supervisor and having to change the way you act around this person can be a difficult adjustment. You might have shared lunch or gone to the gym with this person in the past. Now, suddenly, there are lines that must be drawn and topics of conversation that cannot be discussed. Make the transition as easy as possible by taking the time to redefine your relationship with this person.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Redefining Your Relationship

1
Anticipate a change. Have no doubts about it, when a coworker joins the higher-ups in your workplace, nearly everything will change. Why? Sometimes, this change is a legal matter, as many work environments have strict no fraternization policies between management and non-management.^{[1]
X
Trustworthy Source
Workplace Fairness
Nonprofit organization focused on public education and advocacy on issues related to employment and labor law
Go to source} In other regards, it's just good office politics. Promoting, assigning bonuses, and overseeing layoffs can be difficult when those people are your friends. Bosses have to maintain some objective distance for this reason.^{[2]
X
Research source}
2
Manage initial awkwardness. You have worked under your old boss for a time, and probably grew accustomed to this person's quirks. Now, you must overcome the initial awkward phase of establishing communication and understanding the style of your new boss.
- Minimize stepping on toes or undue tension by being open to changes and constructive criticism.
- Ask your new boss if they approve of the way you're doing things or if you need to modify any processes.
- Don't worry about looking like a suck-up right now!
- Once you get a good idea of your boss's expectations, you can work without much micromanagement.
Advertisement
3
Remember this transition is also difficult for your new boss. Handling restructuring at work is always tough, even when you weren't previously chummy with the other person. Moving up from general staff to management means new practices to adjust to and new responsibilities for this person.Try to be understanding and empathetic.^{[3]
X
Expert Source

Lauren Krasny
Executive, Strategic, & Personal Coach
Expert Interview. 27 March 2020.}
- Empathy is the ability to understand another's thoughts, emotions, and experiences. It is a significant skill for effective workplace leadership.^{[4]
  X
  Research source}
- Show your support and enthusiasm for your boss's new role.
- For instance, you could say, "Linda, I'm really looking forward to having you as my boss."
- Refrain from teasing your new boss about their changing role.
4
Allow your new boss to determine the new relationship. He may continue to be friendly, but be cautious about how relaxed you are in front of him. Don't confront him if you see him taking a step back, and don't blame him if he cannot continue socializing with you and others outside of work.
5
Sit down and talk with this person.^{[5]
X
Research source} If your former colleague was also your good friend, your relationship is entering into uncharted territory. How you travel this new road will determine whether your friendship suffers, your job security becomes rocky, or both.
- Congratulate your friend by saying something like, "I'm so proud of you and your promotion."
- Say, "I know the new dynamic is going to change how we interact with each other at work," if you want to acknowledge the change.
- Tell them you value the friendship. Try saying, "We've been friends for years, and I don't want our friendship to suffer."
- Invite them to set boundaries by saying, "Let's talk about some guidelines for how we can interact with one another moving forward."
- You might be able to continue your friendship if your workplace allows fraternization.
- Limit your discussions of work-related topics outside the office.
- Minimize friendliness on the job to stay professional.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Maintaining Professionalism

1
Treat your former colleague like he is your boss. This doesn't mean that your demeanor has to change completely around him, but you should be respectful and follow his lead in topics of discussion. Maintain appropriate boundaries when in the office.^{[6]
X
Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source} Proper treatment of your new boss might look like this:^{[7]
X
Research source}
- Get started on an assigned task without him having to prompt you again and again.
- Don't whine when asked to do something.
- Refrain from gossiping about your boss with other employees.
- Aim to present solutions rather than complaining about problems.
- Make your boss look good by presenting yourself in a professional manner.
2
Refrain from complaining about work to your new boss. You may have been able to share your discontent with her when you were colleagues, but when colleague turns boss, you have to hold back on those discussions. Of course, if she has questions about the work environment and you have genuine feedback, share it. Just be sure to do so in a professional and constructive manner.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- State the problem first: "I notice we've been getting reports in later and later each week."
- Introduce a potential solution: "It might be helpful if we created a paperwork hour at the end of every day."
- Explain why your solution will work: "That way, everyone can take time to work on reports each day, rather than using all of Friday to catch up."
3
Don't get upset if your new boss questions or criticizes your work. He now has an expectation of you that you have to answer to. Learn how to accept constructive criticism. Thank him for his feedback and use the information in a positive manner.^{[9]
X
Expert Source

Lauren Krasny
Executive, Strategic, & Personal Coach
Expert Interview. 27 March 2020.}
4
Be a positive influence on other colleagues. Some of your coworkers may feel resentful towards your new boss. A negative energy within the workforce will only create bad morale, and your boss who used to be a colleague may be forced to cut social ties altogether.
- Explain to other colleagues that this new boss has a new role and, ultimately, new responsibilities.
- Model showing your new boss respect, while still keeping a good professional distance while on the clock.
5
Don't ask for or expect special favors. Don't expect the the person to give you an inside look into managerial info, or cut you slack when you're not fulfilling your job duties. Don't use your personal relationship with this person to gain special treatment; it could end up harming you down the road.
6
Deal with jealousy. You may be feeling a little jealous of your colleague — maybe you wanted that promotion, or maybe you wish your career were moving along as quickly as hers. Instead of acting out toward your new boss, which will only reflect badly on you, consider talking to her about your own aspirations. She may be able to help you advance, or tell you how she did it and strategize with you.

Expert Q&A
Did you know you can get expert answers for this article? Unlock expert answers by supporting wikiHow

Question

What should I keep in mind when trying to get a promotion?

Lauren Krasny
Executive, Strategic, & Personal Coach
Lauren Krasny is a Leadership and Executive Coach and the Founder of Reignite Coaching, her professional and personal coaching service based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She also currently coaches for the LEAD Program at Stanford University Graduate School of Business and is a former Digital Health Coach for Omada Health and Modern Health. Lauren received her coaching training from the Coach Training Institute (CTI). She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Michigan.

Lauren Krasny

Executive, Strategic, & Personal Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

In pursuing success, people may choose the wrong values or be misguided in their direction. This may result in negative impacts such as unproductive stress, alienation of colleagues or those in their personal life, and even burnout. It's really important when you're pursuing success to also balance that with ways to reset, recharge, and unplug so that you don't get too buried or too misguided in the wrong direction.
Question

What can you do to get noticed as a good worker?

Lauren Krasny
Executive, Strategic, & Personal Coach
Lauren Krasny is a Leadership and Executive Coach and the Founder of Reignite Coaching, her professional and personal coaching service based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She also currently coaches for the LEAD Program at Stanford University Graduate School of Business and is a former Digital Health Coach for Omada Health and Modern Health. Lauren received her coaching training from the Coach Training Institute (CTI). She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Michigan.

Lauren Krasny

Executive, Strategic, & Personal Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

It's really important to demonstrate reliability and show confidence and a calm demeanor. Try to communicate really openly with your supervisors and coworkers, especially when you're seeking clarification. Think about how you demonstrate important professional values, including integrity, collaboration, dedication, and empathy, and work on how you specifically practice those values in your work.
Question

How do you handle being unhappy at work?

Lauren Krasny
Executive, Strategic, & Personal Coach
Lauren Krasny is a Leadership and Executive Coach and the Founder of Reignite Coaching, her professional and personal coaching service based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She also currently coaches for the LEAD Program at Stanford University Graduate School of Business and is a former Digital Health Coach for Omada Health and Modern Health. Lauren received her coaching training from the Coach Training Institute (CTI). She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Michigan.

Lauren Krasny

Executive, Strategic, & Personal Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Think about the context of why you are unhappy. Is your boss making unreasonable demands? Are the requests inconsistent with company policy? Do you feel unappreciated? Try to determine the nature of the disconnect you feel at work in order to find solutions based on that assessment.

Warnings

Should your boss desire to maintain a close relationship with you, remember that you need to separate that relationship with your professional work connection. Don't flaunt your association with other employees or allow other colleagues to take advantage of your friendship.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 4 Not Helpful 1