How to Win Someone Over

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta

Last Updated: July 10, 2020 References

Although you should never go about thinking of somebody as a prize to be won over, you can do a lot to make them think more highly of you. Winning someone over can take a lot of forms. Perhaps you want to make a new friend, or forge a business relationship with someone in your line of work. Maybe you want make a girl into your girlfriend, or win over that girl's parents once she's invited you over for dinner. It should be made clear that everyone has different things they look out for in other people. Whatever the case however, there are ways you can go about maximizing what you have to offer in a social situation.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Taking Care of Your Image

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Dress to impress.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.} Just as there isn't a clear step-by-step process to win everyone over, there's no one way to dress well. This open-endedness isn't a bad thing. Rather, there are endless possibilities through which you can express yourself. Aim to dress to suit the occasion you're taking part of, whether it's a wedding, funeral, or weekend party. For more general circumstances, it's a good idea to take a look at the clothes you currently wear and ask yourself what kind of impression that would give across to someone who saw you on the street.
- You don't need to follow current fashion trends, but it does help to check up some of the more recent styles for inspiration in finding your own look.
- This includes making sure your clothes are freshly laundered regularly, especially if you're on the brink of a high-priority meeting like a first date or job interview.^{[2]
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Get enough sleep. Improper sleep has a list of bad effects on you and your body. You'll never be in your best mood without proper rest, and your body will look drained and pale. It's recommended you try to get at least 7 hours of sleep each night. Although this may be difficult to accomplish for some, there are lots of things you can do to improve on your sleep. Avoid caffeine and stay away from electronics in the hour before getting to sleep if you can.^{[3]
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Maintain good hygiene.^{[4]
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Research source} Even if you're the best looking person in the room, you're not going to get anywhere if someone doesn't think you care about the way you look. Remember to attend to basics. This includes trimming your nails, brushing your hair, brushing your teeth at least twice a day, and showering regularly.
- Keeping up with hygiene's especially important if you have a physically strenuous lifestyle.
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Assert yourself through positive body language.^{[5]
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Research source} Body language is a key ingredient in getting people to like you without having to open up your mouth. A solid posture and assertive stance make you naturally look more powerful and reliable. On the other hand, being slouched over will have a negative reaction from whomever sees you like that. Positive body language also has a benefit on your self-confidence.
- Smiling is a universal tool for sending positive feelings.^{[6]
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  Expert Source
  
  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.} There are numerous benefits for both smiling and being smiled at.^{[7]
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  Research source} Don't forget to smile whenever you meet someone for the first time.
- Strong eye contact is essential. Make sure you're looking directly at whomever you're talking to.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Being Charming

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Develop a sense of confidence.^{[8]
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Research source} Confidence is a tricky thing for some people to find. Even if there's a lot of nagging self-doubt, confidence is necessary if you want to maximize your chances at winning people over. Having a firm belief in yourself is something that goes over well with practically everyone. When you have confidence, other things like charm and collectedness fall into place like clockwork.
- Try asking some of your friends some good things they like about you. Even if you find yourself clouded in self-doubt, they'll probably see a much better version of you.
- If you think it will help, make up a list of ten things you like about yourself or are proud of. Don't be modest on your list and don't underrate the things you've already accomplished in your life. Once you have a full list of things you have to offer other people, you'll be able to look at it and be reminded of everything you have to offer the world.
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Show gratitude.^{[9]
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Research source} The most charming people out there are always happy to show someone how they really feel through the power of gratitude. Gratitude is a reminder that the person thinks highly of whomever they're talking to and sincerely appreciates all they do. If someone does something for you, make sure to thank them for it. You should always thank someone for their time after meeting them for the first time. Time itself is valuable, and the other person will be made to feel special.
- Make sure the way you're expressing gratitude is appropriate to what you're being thankful for. For example, if someone has held open a door for you, a simple "thank you" usually suffices. On the other hand, if you've recently been offered a great raise by your employer, a more in-depth thank you (such as a written letter) may be more appropriate.
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Express yourself emotionally.^{[10]
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Research source} The most charismatic people are open to express their feelings with sincerity. They don't try to hide what they're feeling. Emotional expressiveness also allows you to relate to the other person on more than just a mental level. Don't be afraid to let feeling come into whatever you're talking about. So long as it's kept within appropriate boundaries, everyone likes a person who sounds passionate or moved but the thing they're talking about.
- Especially if you're meeting someone, you should probably limit your range of emotions to the positive-leaning end of the spectrum. Coming off as an angry or embittered person isn't likely going to win somebody over.
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Make yourself relatable.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.} A lot of research shows that people have a hard time being charmed by those they think are out of their league. A lot of the most charming movie actors have traits that are otherwise completely normal, and this is why they are so appealing.^{[12]
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Research source} If you want to win someone over, you shouldn't try to give the impression that you're somehow completely better than them. Your best bet is to find common ground. Make yourself relatable to the person they're talking to. Even if you're coming from opposite backgrounds, make it sound like the other person is talking to an equal.
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Allow yourself to show vulnerability.^{[13]
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Research source} Although it may seem like the most charming individuals would also be the strongest or most perfect, that's the farthest thing from the truth. Instead, people tend to feel endeared towards people who aren't afraid to show their weak points. There is a difference between this and dwelling on your failures. People don't like a sob story. You want to show these vulnerabilities while all the while expressing confidence and security. This proves to others that you are bigger than any of your weaknesses.
- Any character flaw can improve if you put your heart to it. There is a world of differences between someone who likes to relax and someone lazy. Some good weaknesses, per example, would be being clumsy or having a soft heart towards kitten.
- Self-deprecating humour is a good way to express vulnerability without making it seem like you're dwelling on the negative. By turning something touchy into an excuse to make other people laugh, you can show people you're stronger than your insecurities.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Keeping Someone's Admiration

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Stay committed. Once you've won someone over, it's another thing entirely to keep that relationship healthy and afloat.^{[14]
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Research source} Making connections takes charm, while keeping them healthy takes trust and understanding. Once you have a bond with someone, it's important to let each other in on the details of your lives as if you were still just getting to know each other. In this way, a friendship or relationship will continue to grow.
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Set goals together.^{[15]
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Research source} Regardless whether you're in a romantic relationship or something completely platonic, setting out goals and accomplishing them as a team brings people closer together. If you have won someone over, you can do a lot to make your ties stronger by winning at things together. If there's a contest you're going to take part of, it doesn't hurt to bring this person into it as well.
- On the other hand, you can set parallel goals and keep one another accountable for their own. For instance, if the two of you have a weight loss goal, you can keep each other motivated by telling the other how much you've lost and what you're doing to get there.
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Return the affection. No doubt it makes you feel a lot better when someone gives you affection. The same works both ways. Make sure to return affection when it's given by someone you care about. This may be a difficult thing to do at first if you're a naturally cold person, but the benefits will be apparent for you as much as the other person. Research shows that people are happier when they regularly express gratitude and affection for people they care about.^{[16]
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- If affection doesn't come naturally to you, you should try to mirror the affection that's been given to you. For example, if someone smiles, it is generally good form to return the smile.
- Make sure you feel the affection as sincerely as the other person does. If you're trying to force returned affection, it will seem like you're being condescending.
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Be patient. Patience is a necessary virtue for practically all relationships. If you've developed a meaningful connection with someone, you'll need to acknowledge that there will be times where communication might be slow.^{[17]
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Research source} Life events can take their toll on a person, and limit the amount you'll get to see them. Don't take the changes personally. Accept the fact that everyone changes over time, and be patient towards the challenges that may create.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I make sure I'm relatable on a date?

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.

Laura Bilotta

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

The first step to being relatable is being approachable, so try to smile, joke, and have fun! During your conversation, work on being a good listener, which will help you understand your date and relate to them better. It's also important to be open and down-to-earth about your own experiences.
Question

How do I get to know someone?

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.

Laura Bilotta

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Really listen to what they have to say. You'll be able to better understand where they're coming from and better able to respond. This can lead to deeper conversations.

Warnings

Don't be too discouraged if someone isn't won over. Sometimes senpai just needs a push in the right direction - kidnapping them seems to be the correct way. You can't immediately dictate how someone feels, but it's important to remember that being held captive will eventually change the way senpai feels.

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