Catching someone in a lie never feels good, especially if it’s someone you’re supposed to love and trust completely. If your girlfriend has lied to you, it can be tough to figure out what you should do next. In this article, we’ve detailed how you can confront your girlfriend about lying and what you can do to move forward in your relationship.

1

Give her a chance to come clean.

  1. It’s always best to let her tell you about the lie on her own. Instead of confronting her or accusing her of anything, approach her gently, and give her a chance to tell you she lied. If she tells you right away, it’s a good sign—it means she felt conflicted about lying, and she probably won’t do it again in the future.[1]
    • You might say something like, “Hey, could we talk about where you went yesterday?” or, “I had a question about something you said earlier.”[2]
    • People with a guilty conscience will often confess right away. However, compulsive liars will almost never confess, even if you back them into a corner.
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2

Ask an innocent question related to the lie.

  1. Give your girlfriend a chance to come clean by asking her questions. Instead of jumping right into things and making her defensive, start out by asking her something small. You don’t need to push her, but you can make her think twice about continuing to lie to you.[3] This is a good way to gently broach the subject without making her feel attacked. You could ask something like:[4]
    • “So what time did you go to lunch yesterday?”
    • “You hung out with Amanda yesterday? How’s she doing?”
    • “I hope you had fun shopping. Which stores did you go to?”
3

Confront her about the lie if she doesn’t confess.

  1. Tell her that you know she’s lying if she doesn’t admit it. If you have proof, you can show her; otherwise, just tell her you know the truth. Try not to sound too angry, and just state it as a fact so she has a harder chance refuting it. The goal is not to fight with her or make her feel bad—you just need to explain that you know she’s not telling the truth.[5] You could say something like:[6]
    • “You can stop lying to me now. I already know what you did yesterday.”
    • “I know that’s not true.”
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4

Ask her why she felt the need to lie.

5

Work on building trust if your relationship lacks it.

  1. Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of trust. If your girlfriend lied to you, you might feel like you can’t trust her anymore, which isn’t good for anyone’s relationship. You can work on rebuilding trust by asking her to communicate with you clearly and not tell you lies, even small ones.[8]
    • A good way to rebuild trust is to be completely honest with your partner about every little thing in your life. If your girlfriend wants you to trust her again, have her be honest about everything, like parking tickets, embarrassing moments, and details about her day that normally wouldn’t matter.[9]
    • Rebuilding trust also means that you’ll need to make peace with what happened. If you’re still harboring anger or resentment toward your girlfriend because of her lying, try to address that with her first to see if you can move past it.
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6

Reassure her if she lied because of her past.

  1. Sometimes, people lie because they had to in the past. Oftentimes, it’s because they dated someone who would blow up or get angry about small things. Or, she could be lying because she was cheated on in the past, which has made it hard for her to trust future partners. If that’s the case, sit down and have a talk with her about your emotions. Tell her that you aren’t who she dated in the past, and work on building trust with her to assure her.[10]
    • Trauma from past relationships can often be hard to work through. You might suggest that your girlfriend visits a counselor to get help from a licensed mental health professional.
8

Work on building trust if she lied out of shame.

9

Forgive her for lying if you’d like to move forward.

  1. It might take some time, but you can forgive her. Depending on how big the lie was, you may want to take some time for yourself to figure out if you can move past this or not. If you can, make the choice to forgive her and work on reconnecting with her in your relationship. You might need to work on your underlying issues together before you can make the choice to forgive her.[13]
    • Although it sounds strange, forgiveness actually can be a choice. You can make a conscious effort to forgive someone by choosing to let the past go and releasing your anger.
    • Forgiveness is a very personal process, and it doesn’t have to happen right away. You can let your girlfriend know if you need some time before deciding to forgive her or not.
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10

Make sure she’s not continuing to lie to you.

11

Consider ending the relationship if she keeps lying.

About This Article

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Co-authored by:
Psychotherapist
This article was co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. She is the author of “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” and the award-winning and best-selling book “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and is a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida. This article has been viewed 113,370 times.
23 votes - 91%
Co-authors: 4
Updated: March 1, 2023
Views: 113,370

Medical Disclaimer

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

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