How to Text Your Girlfriend

Message your girlfriend with ease using this worry-free guide

Co-authored by Kristina Mirgorodskaya

Last Updated: March 1, 2023

Texting your girlfriend can be a little intimidating, especially if you just started dating. Don't worry though! There are lots of different tricks you can use to make your texting conversations more fun and interesting.

Sample Texts

Ways to Text Your Girlfriend

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Starting a Conversation

1
Send something sweet. If you're texting with a girlfriend, it's a good idea to be a little flirty with your texts. You don't have to go over-the-top, but learning to steer something around to your feelings with this girl is always a plus.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- "I'm walking past the park. Thinking of that time we kissed on the swings. Miss you."
- "Just saw a mallard duck couple waddling around. NOT SO CUTE AS WE : )"
- "Saturday is free for me. Got all day to spend with you. What should we do?"
2
Start with something specific. If you're going to start a conversation with a girl via text, don't start with "hey" or "what's up" or the kissy-face emoji. It's important to give her something interesting or complicated to respond to, or she'll quickly get bored and so will you. Start with a comment, question, or observation, always.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- "Do they sell bus tickets to Acapulco in this town? I'm bored of being in my house watching this dog lick its paw. Planning an escape. What do you say?"
- "Whoever said I'm not creative. Just found a way to make a sandwich out of chips and rice. Totally winning at Saturday. Can you beat that?"
- "Coach keeps talking about 'grabbing the brass ring' and I keep thinking about Frodo. YOU SHALL NOT PASS. So I'm thinking, LOTR movie night? Thoughts?"
Advertisement
3
Start with something timely. What are you doing right now? If you want a response, and want to have an actual conversation, it's better to talk about something that matters right now, instead of something that you could talk about any time. "Hey how are you" doesn't count.
- "Math homework = killing me. Not sure I'll finish. How far have you gotten? Help with number five?"
- "Done with practice. Pretty sure mom forgot to pick me up. Looks like I live in the parking lot now."
- "Quick: Channel Five. That girl from our English class is being interviewed and she looks totally ridiculous."
4
Ask open-ended questions. Questions are a great way to start conversations via text. But don't ask questions that can be answered with one word, especially if those words are "yes" or "no." Instead, coax her into a conversation by asking more complicated questions that will take a little more thought on her end, and give you more to respond to on yours.
- Don't ask, "What are you up to?" Instead, "Thoughts?"
- Don't ask, "Did you have fun at practice?" or "How was school?" Instead, ask "What did you think of that test today?" or "What was the worst part of practice?"
- Don't ask, "Do you like Italian food?" ask, "What do you think of Italian food?"
- Don't probe, or ask inappropriate questions.
5
Send a link or a picture. You don't always have to text words to get a conversation started. If you see a picture of something funny, snap a quick pic and send it to your girlfriend with a funny caption, or ask her to comment on it to get a conversation started.
- If you see something strange, like a pigeon with its head in a box of Chinese takeout, snap a pic and send it with the line, "Not sure what's going on here, other than winning at life. Is it weird that I'm jealous of this guy?"
- If you just read something funny, like a Buzzfeed list of dog pictures, or a silly article from the Onion, send it to her via text and tell her what you thought was funny about it. Then text about it after she's read.
- Be careful about picture texting. Never send unsolicited naked pictures to a girl. Keep it PG.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Knowing What to Say

1
Give her something to respond to. Conversations are like plants, you have to water them or they'll just shrivel up and die. You need to give something for a girl to respond to in a conversation, or the conversation will die. When you respond to something she has said, avoid lame replies, single-word answers, and you'll keep the conversation going.
- If she asks, "What's up?" don't say, "Nothing" or "Just chilling." Be specific and give her the light-hearted details: "Helping my dad comb through ten years of strange auto-parts in the garage. We are the automotive Indiana Jones of the block. You?"
- If she says something funny, it's ok to write a quick "ha" or "lol" if you must, but it's a lot better to actually respond to what she says. If she sends you a hilarious picture of a bulldog on a waterslide, laugh at it, but then say, "Current mood?" or "That dog is my spirit animal" or "I suddenly feel so close to you."
2
Respond to things she says. Even if she doesn't ask you a question directly, or say something that's pretty interesting, try to respond in a specific way to reignite the conversation. Keep following up to keep her at ease and talking. Let her talk about herself and be a good "listener" while you talk via text.
- If she says, "School was so boring today" don't just let it drop, follow up. Say, "What was the most boring thing?" or "But what was the most EXCITING thing that happened in your boring day?" Get her talking by asking questions.
- If she's being really closed, just saying, "lol" or something to that effect, it may be better to just end the conversation instead of doing all the work yourself. She might be distracted, or just not that into talking right now. Don't get upset, just talk later.
3
Tease her to flirt. Some studies show that we're actually attracted to gentle teasing, because it creates a kind of electric energy in the conversation.^{[3]
X
Research source} If you want to inject a little tension into your texting conversations, teasing her just a little (be nice now) can make your texts a little more thrilling.
- If she just put up a bunch of selfies on Facebook, text her: "Scrolling through all these selfies. I'm going to guess what you're thinking in each of them. This first one says, 'This mirror is SO DIRTY.'"
4
Keep it light. Texts are great for quick, witty, light conversations, not for in-depth talks about your relationship. If you're unsure what to talk about, keep it jokey and focused on silly topics or fun. Talk about any of the following topics:
- Silly things you saw or read on the Internet
- Dumb things you overheard someone say
- Ironic things that happened to you
- Your siblings, your pets, or your family
- Fun plans for the future, or talking about a date you just went on

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Writing Good Texts

1
Make sure it's an appropriate time to text. You may be in a chatting mood, but your girlfriend might be sitting in class, or busy with a family event, or working in the library. Just as you might not bug someone in person if they were doing any of these things, it's a good idea to avoid texting her while she's busy.
- Avoid texting late at night, while you're busy, or any time you suspect your girlfriend might be driving. If she's texting you, don't respond or tell her that you'll text her later.
2
Write out full words. You don't have to write like you're in writing class, but it's still important to make sure you're spelling words (mostly) correctly so that your girlfriend can read them. Take the time to write out full sentences when you can, making each text full of content, so she doesn't have to scroll through 50 to get what you're saying.
- While you might not care, some people are turned off by too many uses of "ur" and "gr8."
3
Wait for a response until you write more. That "..." bubble can be nerve-wracking to wait for, but it's important to give her a chance to respond before you start blasting off extra texts. This can seem aggressive and impatient. Don't assume she'll always be right by her phone ready to respond.
- Don't text too much. Keep the ratio at roughly 1 : 1. Save some stuff for real-life interactions.^{[4]
  X
  Research source}
- If she doesn't respond to your texts, or isn't giving you interesting responses, just stop sending messages. Never send angry texts, or lash out via text.
4
Respond to her texts when you get them. When she writes something, or asks you a question, respond when you have something to say. It's not good to play "hard to get" when you're texting with a girl. Just respond as soon as you see she's written something and try to have a conversation.
- If she asks you a question and you don't have an answer right away, still respond to her text. If she says, "Dinner Friday?" Write back, "Sounds fun! But let me make sure my schedule is clear. I'll get back to you later today." Don't just keep her waiting.
5
Use the occasional emoji to make your intentions clear. Sometimes, your meaning can be hard to interpret, and your texts can seem overly aggressive or harsh with just the words. Most phones have a variety of emojis that you can use to help color your texts, to make them a little easier to read.
- "What are you doing?" or "Where are you?" can seem a little needy via text. But, "On the way yet? : )" is a lot more friendly.
- Emojis can be funny, but don't make them do too much of the work. If you send the devil and poop emojis simultaneously when your gf asks what you're doing, that's just weird.
6
End the conversation on a high note. All conversations fizzle out. While you can comfortably share silence in person, texting requires the conversation to end. When they just kind of trail off, that can be awkward, so it's a good idea to be the one who ends the conversation on a high note.
- If you've got her laughing, say you've got to get going and make plans to talk later: "Well, I gotta go to dinner. Talk to you later?" Leave her wanting more.

Community Q&A

Question

What does it mean if my girlfriend is responding with single words?

ConnorFisher

Community Answer

She may be busy or not have time to text at the moment. Or, maybe she's tired of the conversation and doesn't have much else to say.
Question

Any tips on how to think of something to say?

Community Answer

Just tell her something that's going on at the moment, or talk about something that you know she's interested in.
Question

How do I keep a conversation going?

Community Answer

You make it interesting so she'll want to continue the conversation. Also, don't talk about yourself too much. Find out what she is interested in.

Warnings

Don't talk about other girls. It makes them feel like they are unimportant to you!

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 47 Not Helpful 9
Don't say something that is a potential argument subject.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 38 Not Helpful 12
Try not to talk about other people. She might just want to focus on your relationship.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 37 Not Helpful 18