How to Succeed with Women

Last Updated: March 22, 2023 References

Succeeding with women can be difficult, but there are some ways to make it easier. By learning about some of the things that attract women, perfecting your ability to talk to women, and knowing how to build a long-term relationship, you will have a much better chance of succeeding with women. Keep in mind that hitting it off with a woman also depends on how much you have in common, so it might take a while to find someone who will appreciate you and share your interests.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Making a Good First Impression

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Take good care of yourself. Women tend to be more attracted to men who seem to put some effort into their appearance, so it is a good idea to develop a solid daily hygiene routine.^{[1]
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Research source} Some good things to make sure that you have in your routine include:
- showering every day
- brushing your teeth twice per day or following meals
- combing and styling your hair
- shaving and/or trimming your facial hair
- using deodorant
- keeping your nails clean and trimmed^{[2]
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  Expert Source
  
  Stefanie Safran
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.}
- wearing nice looking clothes that fit you well
2
Stand up straight. Having good posture helps you to appear taller and it also projects confidence. Standing up straight will also send the message to women that you are approachable.^{[3]
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Research source} Remind yourself to stand up a little straighter whenever you are about to approach a woman.
- To pull yourself up to your full height, imagine that there is a string extending from the bottom of your spine to the top of your head and that it is being pulled taut. Try to keep your shoulders back and stick your chest out a bit as well.
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3
Grow a beard. Beards are associated with a higher level of masculinity, so some women find them attractive. Even growing a bit of stubble may attract some women.^{[4]
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Research source} Try growing your facial hair out for about a week and see if it improves the way that women respond to you. Some other facial hair looks you may want to try include:
- a goatee
- a mustache
- a full beard
4
Lift weights. Men tend to be more muscular than women and it turns out that most women find a bit of muscle to be attractive.^{[5]
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Research source} If you are not active, then consider starting an exercise routine that includes a few weekly strength training sessions.
- Try body weight exercises such as push-ups, dips, sit-ups, squats, and lunges.
- Consider joining a local gym to gain access to professional weight lifting equipment.
- You may even consider working with a personal trainer to improve your results.
5
Add a pop of red to your outfits. Studies have found that wearing red makes men seem more attractive to women.^{[6]
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Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source} To take advantage of the effects of wearing red, make sure that you always have a bit of red on. Some ways that you might incorporate red include:
- your tie
- a polo shirt or sweater
- a red jacket or blazer to wear when you are out
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Demonstrate your positive personality traits. Showing that you are kind, honest, and generous can go a long way with the opposite sex. One study found that women may find men more attractive if they get to see their positive personality traits.^{[7]
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- For example, saying "please" and "thank you" will demonstrate that you are polite. Saying kind things about other people will show that you are kind. And offering to help her with something will show that you are considerate.
7
Show your soft side. Vulnerability is a positive trait that may help women decide if someone is good relationship material. If you are interested in building a relationship with a woman, then be willing to open up now and then.
- For example, you could say something like, “It has been a while since I dated someone for so long and that scares me a little.”
8
Boost your self-confidence. Confidence is a sexy quality, so it is worth putting a little time and effort into developing your confidence if it is low. Take some time to make a list of all of the things that you like about yourself. These things can be small or big, from your smile to your sense of humor.
- Write down as many positive things about yourself as you can. Try to come up with at least 15 things that you like about yourself.^{[8]
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- Keep this list in your wallet and read it whenever you need a boost of confidence.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Flirting with Women

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Introduce yourself. Try to get on a first name basis with a woman before you do anything else. Try to keep your introduction as simple as possible. For example, you can walk up to a woman that you’d like to talk to and just say, “Hi. My name is ____.” Make sure that you smile at her and make eye contact as you introduce yourself. You might also offer to shake her hand as well.
2
Ask her a question. Asking a question is a great way to get a conversation started with a woman that you are interested in.^{[9]
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Research source} Try asking a question that will invite the woman to tell you about herself. By focusing your attention on her and showing genuine interest in what she says, you will show off some of your positive qualities and you may even feel less anxious as well.^{[10]
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- Try asking a question that will help you get to know the person better. For example, you could ask something like, “What brings you to the library today?” Or “How do you like your coffee?”^{[11]
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3
Say something positive. Positivity is an attractive trait, so try to keep your comments positive and bright. For example, you could comment on the nice weather, the great coffee, or the pleasant surroundings.
- Try saying something like, “I love the weather we have been having!” Or, “This is the best latte I have had in a long time.” Or, “I always enjoy coming to this library. It is such a cool place!”^{[12]
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4
Pay her a compliment. Compliments are a great way to lighten the mood and make someone feel good about themselves.^{[13]
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Research source} Give compliments that are genuine, straightforward, and not too personal.^{[14]
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- For example, you might say something like, “You have a beautiful smile!” Or, “I love your taste in books!”
5
Request a date. After you have chatted for a bit, you may have a sense of whether or not this woman is someone that you would like to get to know better. If she is, then you should ask her if she’d like to spend some time with you. There are several ways that you can go about this including:
- Making a direct request. For example, you could say something like, “I am really enjoying our conversation. Would you like to go meet up for coffee or dinner sometime this weekend so that we can talk more?”
- Suggesting a date. You could say something like, “What are you up to this weekend?” If she responds with something like “Not much,” then you could say, “I was planning on going to the art museum. Would you like to join me?”^{[15]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Succeeding Long Term

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Plan interesting dates. In the short term, going out for drinks at an intimate lounge or to a nice coffee shop are often good venues. But over time try to discover mutual interests and mix things up by asking her to join you in more original activities. For example:
- If you share a love of nature, then plan a hike or camping trip at a state park or wilderness preserve.
- If you’re both movie buffs, then invite her to a local film festival.
- If you are both thrill seekers, then head to an amusement park or carnival where there are intense rides.
2
Show that you are trustworthy. Show up for dates on time, return her calls in a timely fashion, and keep your promises to show her that she can trust you. Over time, she will see that you are someone who is truly dependable and this is a valuable quality in a mate.
- If you have to cancel a scheduled date, make sure you give her as much notice as possible.
- Offer an apology if your plans change and offer alternative arrangements. For example, you could say something like, “I am really sorry that I have to cancel. Can we meet up for dinner instead of lunch?”
- Always be honest. Telling lies, even little ones, will lead to trust issues in your relationship. Make sure that you tell the truth at all times.^{[16]
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3
Listen to her. Be an active listener by nodding your head and making neutral statements such as “mmhm” or “right.” When she’s done talking, try to summarize what she just said to show her that you were paying close attention. If you don’t understand something or you want to know more, then ask a question to get her to clarify.^{[17]
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- For example, you could ask something like, “What did you mean when you said ___?” Or, “Can you tell me more about why you decided to move to this city?”
- To truly listen, stop texting on your phone, mute the television, and put down what you’re doing. By multitasking you may miss important aspects of what a woman is trying to communicate.
4
Make her laugh. Having a good sense of humor can help you attract a woman and it may also help your relationship succeed in the long run. When you spend time with her, make the occasional joke, get a little silly, or do other things to make her laugh.
- It is important to find someone who think you are funny. Don’t try to change your sense of humor or personality to please someone else because that will not work in the long run.^{[18]
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5
Apologize if you make a mistake. It is normal encounter problems over the course of a relationship, and that means that sometimes you will need to apologize. A good apology will include the following elements:
- A summary of what you did wrong. For example, “I am sorry that I lied about going out with my friends.”
- An understanding of her feelings. For example, “I did not realize it would make you feel so betrayed.”
- An indication of remorse. For example, “I should not have lied to you.”
- A promise not to do it again. For example, “From now on I will be more honest about my whereabouts.”
- An offer to make amends. For example, “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”
- A request for forgiveness. For example, “Can you forgive me for what I did?”^{[19]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How can I date a successful woman?

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Stefanie Safran

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Make sure to maintain eye contact while she listens to show that you are focused on her. If she says yes to a date, don't put her on the spot by saying something like "what would you want to do?" or "when would you want to meet?" Instead, you can give her pre-selected options by saying something like "what do you think of going to see the new Marvel movie, or would you prefer to get lunch at the cafe on the corner?"

Warnings

Keep in mind that not all women will be attracted to you just like you are not be attracted to all women. If a woman does not seem interested, don’t waste your time. Move on so that you can find someone who will appreciate you for who you are.

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