How to Stop Following and Lead

Last Updated: March 24, 2022

Have you ever been in a situation where you take what other people say to do, without adding any suggestions -- sometimes even without wanting to? Maybe you feel as if people are taking advantage of you? Or just that you aren't going as far as you could? Don't worry, this article can help.

1

Stop and think.

Does someone think they can control you without authority? Do they often give you unjustified orders and expect you to do things for them?

2

Start standing up to bossy people.

When someone tells you to do something you are not comfortable with, say "No." Start with small requests, if saying no is difficult for you.
- You'll inevitably find yourself in a situation you may have to say yes, but remember that you can control the how and the when.^{[1]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Maggie Mitchell
  Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 18 October 2021.}

3

Be charismatic.

Show your friendly, nice side so that people will look up to you. Practice good judgment. Make people want to look up to you and look to you for advice.

4

Do things because you want to, or need to.

When someone makes a suggestion and tries to get you to do something, think about why you want to do it. Do you want to do it because you enjoy it or because that person wants you to? Do not use another person's goals and ambitions. Seek liberty for yourself.

5

Start suggesting things that you would like to do.

Instead of always going along with someone else's plan, take initiative and plan things for yourself.

6

Pursue your own dreams.

It's never too late to figure out what you want, and pursue it— or to revise what your goals once were.

7

Break from families' and friends' negative ways.

If the people around you have been dragging them down, cut ties with them. You may have been discouraged from dreaming, or acting in a certain way, or been accused of acting better than your status. Anyone who does that is not someone you should be around often.
- Of course, it isn't always possible to completely cut ties with these people. Some are coworkers that you need to tolerate, or close family you can't cut out. Ignore those people, and interact with them as little as you can.
- Recognize when you are uncomfortable and make a conscious choice on how to handle it.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Maggie Mitchell
  Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 18 October 2021.}

8

Explore new opportunities and possibilities.

One common mark of a "follower" is being complacent and avoiding change, sticking to the same old drudgery. Don't get caught in your comfort zone.
- These changes can be as small as the genre of books you read, to where you vacation, to as big as your place of employment. Don't be afraid to make changes and try things out.

9

Seek your own freedom.

Both freedom to pursue your own goals and freedom to have and pursue your own ideals are important to have.

10

Improve your leadership skills.

You probably don't need to attain politician-levels of leadership skills, but communication skills and public speaking skills, but those skills are important for any leader.

11

Be competitive for success.

Don't hold yourself back because of what others will think. If success, to you, means retiring later and being productive for longer— do it. If success to you means working long hours to get stuff done— do it. If success to you means having a strong work-life balance— do it. If success to you means focusing on moving upward at all costs— do it.
- Cooperate to achieve goals, but don't compromise on your objectives.

12

Get education and training.

Having the skills you need can greatly improve both your confidence in yourself, and others' confidence in you. Both continuing education and your first education are very important.

13

Voice your views.

Speak out about politics, and any causes that matter to you. Obviously, not everyone will convert to your viewpoint, but leaders should be active and engaged members of society.

14

Work individually on your own time.

Be a hard worker at your job, and do extra activities outside of that such as volunteering.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I stop following?

Maggie Mitchell
Life Coach
Maggie Mitchell is a Life Coach and the Owner of InnerCoastal Coaching in Raleigh, North Carolina. With more than 15 years of experience, she specializes in helping individuals with communication, anxiety, stress, problem-solving, decision making, meditation, and healthy boundaries. Maggie holds an MS in Counseling Psychology from Gannon University and received her Executive Coach Certificate from The International Coaching Community (ICC).

Maggie Mitchell

Life Coach

Expert Answer

Letting people know that you have boundaries and aren’t a pushover is key to managing professional and personal relationships in your life. You should be the one in control of how and when things happen.
Question

How can I become popular in my school?

Community Answer

Join clubs and/or sports teams and be active in them. Be friendly to all, and have a positive, confident mood.
Question

How do I stop doing things just because my friends want me to?

Community Answer

It's hard when you want your friends' approval. Ask yourself what kind of person you want to be. You may lose a few friends initially, but you will earn respect and make better friends when you stand up for what you believe in.