How to Show Someone You Care

Co-authored by Allen Wagner, MFT, MA

At least once in your life there is going to be someone who needs you. Maybe they fell into that horrible pit of despair, or someone they loved died. Whatever the reason, if you need to show someone you care, this guide is for you.

Things You Should Know

People will know you care if you routinely make an effort to see them, visit with them, offer your help, and check-in.
Making an effort to be thoughtful in your relationships through keeping promises, expressing affection and showing trust will make others feel cared for.
If someone suffers a tragedy, run errands for them, bring them food, be a distraction for them, and be patient with them.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Reaching Out to People

1
Check on your family and friends regularly. If you don't see each other every day, check by text, social media or email. You can also send letters. Your loved ones will appreciate your care about how they're doing.
2
Ask others how they are and how their day went. Don't just ask "How was your day?" at random, though; make sure you genuinely want to know. Others will be able to tell if you're being fake. If someone tells you that he or she is having a great day, tell the person that you are happy for him or her. If he or she had a bad day, offer to comfort him or her.^{[1]
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- Imagine yourself in this situation: you're having a bad day and someone asked how your day was. You then explain to him or her why it was such a struggle and he or she asks if you want a hug. You will likely feel better; thus, you can do the same thing for your friend.
EXPERT TIP

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Allen Wagner is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles, California. He received his Master's in Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2004. He specializes in working with individuals and couples on ways they can improve their relationships. Along with his wife, Talia Wagner, he's the author of Married Roommates.

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist

Let the person know when you think about them. Marriage and family therapist Allen Wagner says: "If you want to let someone know that you care, find something that reminds you of a time you had together, and let them know you were thinking of them. For instance, you might drive by a restaurant where you ate together, then text that person and say, 'Hey, I just passed that place where we went that time, and I just wanted to say I love you.'"

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3
Offer to help others. Everyone needs help at times. If someone is carrying a heavy load of groceries, see if you can carry a few items. If your loved one has depression or anxiety,^{[2]
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Research source} validate the person's feelings and comfort him or her.^{[3]
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Research source} Helping people undoubtedly boosts relationships and is known to elevate your mood.^{[4]
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4
Make an effort to see your loved ones. Invite them to parties, ask if they're interested in a get-together, and make trips to visit your family whenever you can. Part of what makes a close relationship is seeing each other regularly.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Making Someone Feel Cared For

1
Pay attention to your friend’s needs and wants. This is often the hardest, but most important, way to show you care.^{[5]
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Research source} Even if they are just telling you a story about something silly that happened at the supermarket, it's important that you respond appropriately so that the other person senses you are genuinely interested. If you dismiss or ignore them when it comes to simple things, they won't feel that you care about them, therefore they are much less likely to share anything deeper with you in the future.
- Remember when someone tells you their likes or dislikes.
- Ask specifics, like "How's your boss treating you these days," as opposed to "How's work?"
2
Notice when someone is feeling down. Showing you care means paying attention to your friend’s mood and asking if they are okay when they seem blue. Ask if everything is okay, if you can do anything for them, or what the problem may be. Signs that someone is unhappy include:^{[6]
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- Moodiness
- Unnaturally quiet
- Bouts of anger
3
Talk together frequently. Showing someone you care is a continual exercise, not something you only do once. Take time every week to talk about how things are going, new developments in life, and anything stressful.
- Make sure you’re listening to your friend’s response.^{[7]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Harvard Business Review
  Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
  Go to source} You should care about them and their opinions, not what you want to say.
4
Trust your friend with secrets or deep thoughts. Feeling like someone trusts you is a great way to feel cared for. Most people only share their hopes, secrets, and ideas with someone they care about, and building up trust with someone shows that you value their friendship.^{[8]
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5
Think about them when they aren’t around. When you buy someone a small gift, send a letter, or call someone you haven’t seen in a while, you prove that you care for someone even when they aren’t in a position to receive your heartfelt love. This kind of surprise is a wonderful reminder that someone is cared for, even if they don’t always realize it.
- Buy a small gift when it reminds you of someone.
- Send a letter or postcard when you are out of town.
- Reconnect with long-lost friends from time to time to catch up.
6
Keep your promises.^{[9]
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Research source} Basic respect for someone is paramount to showing your affection. If you make an appointment, show up on time. If you promise to finish and errand, get the job done.^{[10]
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Research source} If you agree to keep a secret, don’t tell anyone.^{[11]
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7
Plan events with people. Make time in your schedule to make plans with someone, which shows them that you are willing to prioritize them above other things in your life. Make dinner plans, agree to see a movie, or go for a walk together before work. Making a friend a priority means that you value their time.
8
Tell them that you care. Sometimes the best feeling in the world is hearing someone say they care about you. Telling someone you love them, value their friendship, and like being around them is a great, simple way to show you care. Just be genuine and they will know you care.^{[12]
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- Note the specific things that your like to be more sincere. Say you think they listen really well, always have something nice to say, or value their opinions.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Showing Someone You Care After Tragedy

1
Listen to them if they want to talk. While some people are quiet after a difficult event, other people will want someone to talk to. Make yourself available to them if they need a sympathetic ear, and be sure to listen to their issues. Don’t feel like you need to have any answers or solutions – just listening is often enough.^{[13]
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2
Offer to help with chores or errands. Even if they do not take you up on it, offering to help out around the house can help someone going through tragedy feel less burdened by everyday life. You can even offer to provide company as they go to the store or complete their errands.
3
Bring over food, or invite your friend to dinner. Having a nice meal with someone is a great way to talk and show your affection. After someone loses a family member, for example, some people organize meals for the family so that they can forget about cooking for a while and enjoy a meal and some company.
4
Organize an event to take their mind off of things.^{[14]
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Research source} This can be big, from a surprise spa day with friends, to small, like going to the movie theater together. Even if you don’t talk, having your company will be enough to make the person feel better, because they’ll know you care.
5
Be patient as they heal. Some tragedies, like the death of a loved one, take time to heal. Your friend might be angry or depressed, and they might lash out at friends when they feel upset.^{[15]
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Research source} Don’t take it personally. Know that your time together is helping them feel better and wait patiently as they heal.