How to Show Affection to Someone Who Needs It

Co-authored by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD and Glenn Carreau

Last Updated: March 3, 2023 References

Affection is essential to any good relationship—so how can you show more affection if it doesn't come naturally to you? Not to worry: there are many ways to show someone how much you care! Affection is any behavior that conveys warm feelings, love, or appreciation—and everyone has a deep need for it, whether they show it or not. Keep reading, and you'll learn how to practice more affectionate behavior consistently to bring joy to yourself and everyone around you.

1

Touch your partner often.

Kissing and romantic physical touch are the clearest signs of affection. Find little ways to touch your partner often. Embrace more subtle physical contact in public places—hold hands with your partner, or give them a sweet kiss on the cheek. At home, spend time kissing, embracing, and cuddling to demonstrate the depth of your love through physical touch.^{[1]
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- Offer your partner a back massage if they've had a stressful day.
- Sit close to your partner and put an arm around them while you watch TV together.
- Cuddle for a little while in the morning before you get up and start your day.
- You can also show physical affection to friends and family. Place your hand on their shoulder or squeeze their hand to show them you care. Offer a warm hug in greeting or when you say goodbye.
- Showing affection also has physical benefits. It lowers your stress levels and releases hormones that increase your feelings of happiness! You’ll have a healthier, more rewarding relationship as a result.

2

Affirm your feelings for your partner.

Openly expressing your feelings will strengthen your relationship. In short, tell your partner how much you love them. Remind them why they're amazing and mean so much to you! Don't assume that saying "I love you" isn't necessary because they already know. Words of love and affirmation can reassure and delight your partner whether the relationship is new or old.^{[2]
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- Make a list of reasons why you love them and share it with them.
- Practice saying "I love you" each time you see them.
- Post a photo of them on social media and leave a heartfelt note in the caption.
- Flirt with them. Flirting isn't just for new relationships; even married couples can keep things fun and lighthearted with flirty banter.

3

Send a sappy text.

Sweet texts let your partner know you're always thinking about them. Any time you see a funny video or a memory of your significant other floats into your head, take a moment to text them. Send a sappy "good morning" text or a random text in the middle of the day when you miss them. If your partner craves words of affirmation, daily texts are a great way to show them how important they are to you.^{[3]
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- "Happy Tuesday, my love! Just can't stop thinking about you. 😍"
- "I saw this video and thought of you. Let me know what you think! ❤️"
- Include plenty of amusing GIFs and emojis, too!

4

Set aside time for them.

Quality time helps your significant other feel more connected to you. Make time for regular dates and activities no matter how busy life gets! Ask your partner to schedule a recurring date night with you, and make an effort to include them in your existing plans too. Return their texts and calls quickly to show them that the relationship is a main priority.^{[4]
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- Make a date more romantic by trying out one of their favorite activities with them.
- Cook dinner with your partner and enjoy a quiet, intimate night at home.
- Pick one day of the week to watch a favorite show together regularly.
- Make time for friends and family, too! Enjoy a night out every week, or go on an adventure and do something neither of you has ever done.

5

Give gifts freely.

Gifts can reflect how well you know and appreciate your partner. You don’t have to spend all your money or time delivering gifts; just be sure that when you give a gift, it’s something that you know they’ll like! This could be as simple as picking up the tab for lunch, or grabbing a trinket when you’re out shopping because it reminds you of them.^{[5]
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- Handmake a gift. Knit them a scarf, make a photo album, or bake their favorite dessert.
- Buy them something special they’ve been eyeing for a while.
- Make a curated playlist and share it with them.
- Don't underestimate the gift of time. Time is precious, especially when life gets busy, but they'll appreciate the effort if you see them in their moment of need.

6

Help your partner when they’re in need.

Take time out of your day to make their life easier and more enjoyable. Be ready to offer a helping hand (or a shoulder to cry on) whenever they need one. Think of small favors you can do to lighten their workload occasionally. Take over a chore they hate or surprise them with a helpful, practical gesture. Practice simple acts of service to show them affection!^{[6]
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- Go out of your way to give them a ride to work or pick them up from an appointment.
- Pack their lunch in the morning before they go to work, or bring them lunch and eat together.
- Ask your partner outright how you can be more helpful to them.
- Do the dishes for them without being asked for help.

7

Do something spontaneous.

Sweet surprises are a great way to show someone you love them. It signifies how well you know them and reflects your level of intimacy. Spontaneity also adds excitement and whimsy to the relationship, allowing you to shake things up every now and again. Surprise your partner with something you know they'd like, whether it's concert tickets or a relaxing spa day.^{[7]
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Research source} For example:
- Surprise them with a fancy dinner at their favorite restaurant.
- Send flowers to them on a completely random day, just because you can.
- Whisk them away on a romantic spur-of-the-moment weekend adventure.
- Buy them a present they've wanted for a while.

8

Make small romantic gestures for your partner.

Thoughtful acts of kindness will show them how much you care. Remember all the little details you've learned about your partner over time, and use that knowledge to make small gestures you know they'll appreciate. You don't have to make a grand, dramatic gesture to show someone that you love them; just think of simple yet meaningful things you can do to brighten their day.^{[8]
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- Pick up their favorite snack if you see it while browsing in the store.
- Let them pick the music you listen to in the car.
- Make breakfast in bed and spend the morning lounging together.
- Leave a sweet handwritten note on their pillow telling them how special they are.

9

Be their biggest cheerleader.

Support your partner's aspirations and make them feel truly special. Encourage them to chase their dreams and reaffirm how talented they are when they have moments of self-doubt. Give your partner space to vent if they need to, and let them talk without trying to fix their problems or offer unsolicited advice. Ask them to talk if you know something is bothering them, but don't force the conversation.^{[9]
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- Celebrate their successes. Take them out and show them some love if they get a promotion or finally finish a project they've been struggling with for a while.
- While advice is sometimes welcome, it's best to ask the other person if they want any advice before giving it. Sometimes, all a person wants is to vent their feelings to a sympathetic ear.

10

Ask them for advice.

Seeking advice proves that you value their opinion and perspective. Consult your partner when you have a dilemma and need help making a choice. Ask for their help even when the choice or issue has nothing to do with them. By asking for their perspective, you're telling them that you want to involve them more in your life and trust them to do right by you.^{[10]
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- Follow up with them after they give you advice. You're not obligated to take the advice, but you can let them know what happened if you did and thank them for helping regardless.

11

Express your appreciation.

Gratitude goes a long way towards making someone feel cherished. Think about all the reasons you're thankful for your significant other. Make a point to say "thank you" and express gratitude to them regularly, whether for a small helpful act or a heartfelt, emotional "thank you" for being such a great partner (or friend).^{[11]
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- To practice gratitude, pick one small thing you're grateful for daily.
- "Thank you for making dinner tonight. It was delicious!"
- "I really appreciate you talking me through my family problems. How do you always know exactly what I need to hear?"
- "I want you to know that everything you do for me is appreciated. You're incredible, and I love you."

12

Use kind words to connect with your partner.

Communication is extremely important to a healthy relationship. Show your partner verbal affection by complimenting the things they do well and telling them how much you care about them. The more you express affection for them (and they do the same), the closer and more comfortable around one another you’ll become. Affection is important because it brings people together!^{[12]
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- Compliment their fantastic fashion sense when you see them wearing their favorite outfit or their brilliant sense of humor when they crack a joke.
- Embrace vulnerability. You can only fully connect with a loved one if you allow yourself to be vulnerable and reveal your deepest thoughts and feelings.
- Tell your partner (and other loved ones) when you miss them, and greet them enthusiastically when you see them for the first time in a while.
- Make time to connect and talk with your partner every day. For example, if your partner is struggling with their personal life or work, kind words will let them know that you support them.

13

Ask them about their life.

Think of specific questions to show you remember details about them. Rather than asking your significant other, "How was your day?" think about what's going on in their life and ask more detailed queries. This can help you connect emotionally with your partner, and it proves to them that you're genuinely invested in their life and happiness.^{[13]
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- "I remember work was really stressing you out last week. How's everything going this week? Did it get any better?"
- "How's that writing project coming along? You've been working on it all year, right? That's so impressive!"
- "Hey, how was that concert you went to last weekend? I saw your photos—it looked like a blast!"

14

Listen to them.

Active listening shows that you truly care about your partner’s feelings. As you ask them questions, the best way to have a meaningful conversation with them is to actively listen when they speak. Give them your undivided attention—no scrolling on your phone while they talk. Make eye contact and ask follow-up questions to show them that you're fully engaged and hearing what they say.^{[14]
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- Sometimes, checking your phone (even while talking to a significant other) is second nature. Make an effort to put down your phone when you start talking with them and don't check it until the conversation is over.
- As they talk, don't spend that time planning what you'll say next. Listen to them, and make little sounds like "Mmhm" or "Go on" to let them know you're listening.
- Listening to someone might not strike you as obviously affectionate, but it's actually one of the most caring things you can do for someone! Active listening tells the other person that you value their thoughts and feelings.

Expert Q&A

Question

What's the best kind of affection to give someone who's sad?

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

It's important for you to ask the person what they prefer as far as the type of affection they want to be shown. However, a hug, a pat on the back, or holding hands can all be nice.