How to Respond when Someone Body Shames You

Last Updated: October 6, 2021 References

No matter who body shaming comes from, it can be hurtful. You can be body shamed by strangers, by people online, or by people you know. Everyone is susceptible to body shaming, as you can be body shamed for your size, your hairstyle, your skin color, or what you look like, just to name a few. Whoever is behind it, you can find ways to help you take control of the situation, by figuring out ways to respond to strangers, people online, and acquaintances alike.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Responding to Strangers

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Practice ahead of time. If people commonly comment on certain parts of your body, it can help if you practice a response to those comments. For instance, if people often comment negatively about your weight, think up responses you can use later. That way, you won't be caught off guard.^{[1]
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- For instance, you could say, "My weight is none of your business," or "I like my hair just the way it is, thank you."
2
Call the person out on it. One way you can deal with body shaming from strangers is to simply call the person out on it. You don't have to take rude comments, even if they are from strangers, and calling a person out may make you feel better about the situation because you're taking control.
- For instance, if someone says, "Should you be ordering that? Do you really need those calories?" you could say, "I don't appreciate you commenting on my eating habits. My body, my choice."
- However, if the person seems aggressive, it may be best to move on to ignoring them, particularly if you're in a secluded place. Safety should always come first.
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3
Ignore them. One option is to just to ignore the rude comment. You don't have to respond, and responding only gives the person the attention they want. Plus, when you don't respond, you give the person a chance to think about what they said.
- When ignoring a person, don't even look in their direction. Pretend like you don't even hear what they're saying.
4
Don't let it get to you. While it's never okay for someone to comment on your body, you can decide if you want to let their negativity get to you. Remember, it's usually more about the other person than it is about you. Try to detach yourself from their comments and negativity. Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing that they got under your skin.
- Imagine a window between you and the other person. You can see that they're making a negative comment, but the negativity can't actually reach you.

Method 2

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Coping With Body Shaming Online

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Don't stoop to their level. On the internet, it can be tempting to resort to name calling and personal attacks. However, that doesn't get you anywhere; it just brings you down to their level. Stick to responding to what they say, not attacking them or calling them names.
- For instance, if someone says, "You have an ugly nose," it doesn't help to reply, "You're one to talk; your face would stop traffic." Instead, you could say, "Thanks, I like my nose. Thankfully, my opinion of myself isn't dependent on your opinion of me."
2
Try not to torture yourself by reading the comments. If you're body shamed online, you may find yourself wanting to dive into the comment section. However, if you read and re-read those comments, you're only going to hurt yourself. Instead, try to skip reading comments you know will be terrible from past experience, and if you do come across a negative comment, stop reading as soon as you realize it's body shaming.
3
Deal with private messages. Some people may not try to take you down in public forums. Rather, they'll use private messages to get under your skin. This method is particularly sneaky, as they keep themselves from looking bad, plus you don't have any support. Once again, it's best not to stoop to their level.
- Tell the person to stop messaging you. You could say, "That's a great opinion, but I'm happy with who I am. Please stop messaging me."
- If they don't stop, try blocking the person. You can block people on most social media platforms. You can also add the person to a blocked email list on your email account, so they can't send you emails.
- Another option is to report abuse. Most websites will kick off users who abuse other members of the site.
4
Don't feed the trolls. This saying has become a common one on the internet for good reason. It just means don't give mean people what they want: attention. Some people are just trying to stir up trouble, so they say the meanest thing they can think of in hopes of getting a response. The best way to deal with people like that is to simply walk away.
5
Fight back with positivity. On the internet, it's easy for something to go viral. If that's happened to you in a body shaming context, one way you can deal with it is to own your body. Some people turn the shaming on its head by posting a picture showing their confidence.
- For instance, if someone is making fun of your hair, you can post a pic showing what you love about it, including a caption, such as "Others may not love it, but I think my hair rocks!"
- Be prepared for more negative feedback, though, as most mean people won't just stop being mean.
6
Pick a suitable battleground. That is, some places on the internet just won't be receptive to any response to body shaming. In those places, you'll be swarmed with trolls and bullies who won't actually listen to what you're saying. Pick places where you know your words may actually be received, such as on a friend's post that is unintentionally body shaming.
- Of course, you often can't choose where you need to stand up for yourself, but sometimes fighting back can do more harm (psychologically) than good. Sometimes, it's better to walk away and not look back.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Dealing With Friends, Family, and Acquaintances

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Say something in the moment. One option when dealing with a body shaming comment from a friend or family member is to simply say something about it when you hear it. You don't have to be mean or snippy. Rather, just say you don't appreciate that comment, and move on. You could also explain why, if you feel like it.
- For instance, if your friend says something you consider body shaming, you could say, "I appreciate your concern, but I'm trying to be more positive about my body. I'd appreciate it if you didn't say things like that in the future."
2
Don't respond. One option is to simply ignore what the person says. It may seem rude, but it actually gives the person a chance to think about what they've just said. This treatment works well for things like backhanded compliments, since you don't want to thank someone for a backhanded compliment.^{[2]
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- For instance, say your mother says something like, "That's a pretty dress, but it's not right for you," you may just want to ignore it.
3
Have an honest talk with the person. If the person who's been body shaming is generally a kind person, they may not even realize they're body shaming. They may think they're providing helpful advice, for instance, when in reality, they're saying hurtful things. Try sitting down with them and having a heart-to-heart to talk about why their comments bother you.^{[3]
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- You could say something like, "You may not even realize you're doing it, but when you say things like, 'Your hair is a little wild today. Why don't you go into the bathroom and fix it?,' it really hurts my feelings. It makes me feel sad because I often work hard on my hair before coming over here."
4
Challenge assumptions at the doctor's office. Often, people will make assumptions about you based on your body size. One place these assumptions can be especially difficult is at the doctor's office. If you're a large person, the doctor may make assumptions about the way you eat, exercise, and so on. It's important to challenge those assumptions to get the doctor to treat you like any other patient.^{[4]
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- For instance, if your doctor is suggesting that the only way to treat your illness or condition is losing weight, ask the doctor if they would treat a thinner person the same way.
- Additionally, ask your doctor to explain how your weight and condition are related. Say, "How does my weight cause [your condition]? Is this condition not diagnosed in thinner people?" Be open minded to what your doctor has to say so that you can see if they are really trying to help you and not commenting on your looks.
- Remember that even if your body size is contributing to your health problems, that does not mean that you should feel bad about yourself. Everyone struggles with issues, and you can work with your doctor to make positive changes that are about health and not about body size.
5
Give them some space. If someone you hang around with refuses to give up their body shaming talk, maybe it's time to spend less time with them. You don't have to spend your time with people who make you feel bad. As you spend less and less time with them, they may get the picture. If not, you don't have to be around their toxic language.^{[5]
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- Of course, you can't avoid some people altogether, but do what you can. For instance, if it's a family member you see at family gatherings, try to avoid getting into conversations with them.