How to Respond to a Break Up Text

Co-authored by Cristina Morara and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: June 7, 2021 References

Breakups are hard, and they can be made even harder if your partner sends you a text about ending your relationship instead of talking to you in person. Every relationship is different, so your reply might depend on what you two have been through and how long you were together. If you’ve gotten a breakup text and you need some ideas on how to reply, you can either ask for clarification, respond with dignity, or show your partner that you don’t care at all to get some closure and start moving on.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Waiting to Respond

1
Give yourself time to calm down before responding. When you first get a breakup text, you might want to text back right away. However, you will probably not be in the best headspace and you might say something that you regret. Try to wait from anywhere between 1 hour to 1 day to respond to a breakup text.^{[1]
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- You might need more time to process your emotions, and that’s okay.
2
Call a friend to talk about your emotions. Breakups are hard, and if you got dumped over text, you might need to vent to someone about it. Call up a friend or a family member and ask if they can listen to you talk about your feelings.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Cristina Morara
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.} It is always helpful to get your emotions out, and it might leave you feeling more clear-headed.^{[3]
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- Friends or family members might also have advice on how to respond to the breakup text.
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3
Respond when you are thinking clearly and calmly. It might take some time, but you should only respond to a breakup text when you are not letting raw emotions cloud your reply. If your relationship was short, you might be able to think through your feelings fairly quickly, but if your relationship lasted a long time, you might need to process your breakup for longer.^{[4]
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- Responding too soon can cause you to say something that you regret, and it can ruin the potential to stay on good terms with your ex-partner.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Texting Back Politely

1
Text them a message saying that you understand. If you were anticipating your breakup, you may have seen the breakup text coming. If you don’t feel like you need to talk to your partner about why the relationship is ending, you can reply with your understanding and not ask for any more clarification.^{[5]
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Research source} Try using short phrases, like:
- I understand.
- That’s understandable.
- I get the picture.
2
Wish them the best if you’d like to remain on good terms. Staying friends with your ex-partner is hard, but it can be done. You can try to stay on speaking terms with the person breaking up with you by wishing them well.^{[6]
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Research source} Try texting things like:
- I’m grateful for the time we had together and I wish you all the best.
- Thank you for letting me know. I hope your next relationship works out.
- I had a fun time with you and I hope we can still be friends.
3
Express your anger about their text while still being civil. Being dumped over text doesn’t feel good no matter what. You can show that you are unhappy with the way things ended, but you don’t have to lash out at your partner or be overly rude.^{[7]
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Research source} Try messages like:
- I’m disappointed in the way you handled the situation but I respect your decision.
- I wish you would have communicated this with me another way, but I understand.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Replying with an Attitude

1
Text back one word to show disinterest. If you want to show your partner that their breakup text didn’t affect you that much, you can text them back with a one-word answer. Texting back this way will most likely ensure that you two stay broken up, so only do this if that’s what you want.^{[8]
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Research source} Some examples of one word answers are:
- K.
- Alright.
- Gotcha.
2
Use a funny goodbye message to show indifference. If you are okay with your relationship ending and you’d like to just say goodbye to your ex-partner, you can text them with a goofy goodbye message to show that you are okay with breaking up. You can use this method if you’d like to stay on good terms with your ex-partner while still being funny.^{[9]
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Research source} Try using phrases like:
- Catch you on the flipside.
- See you later, alligator.
- Peace out.
3
Don’t reply at all to show that you don’t care. If you want to send a message, you can read the breakup text and not respond to your partner at all. This should only be done when you don’t mind burning a bridge with someone, because it won’t provide much closure for either of you and can leave your ex-partner with hurt feelings.^{[10]
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- This tactic is usually seen as slightly immature, so be careful if you choose to use it.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Asking for More Information

1
Ask to meet in person if you want to talk with your partner. If a breakup text came out of the blue or you want more clarification from your significant other, you can ask them if they will meet with you in person. Breaking up over text is considered pretty rude, especially if your relationship was long, so asking to meet in person is not out of bounds. Meeting in person can also give you more closure on the relationship than breaking up over text.^{[11]
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- Text back something like, “I’d like to talk about our relationship in person. Do you have time to meet with me?”
2
Call them and ask them to talk. If you can’t meet with your partner in person or if they don’t want to meet with you, you can call them on the phone to talk about your breakup. Talking over the phone is better than over text because you can hear someone’s tone of voice as they speak and can give both people a little bit more closure than breaking up over text.^{[12]
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- Try getting more information over the phone with phrases like, “I got your text and I wanted to talk more about it with you.”
- It's usually best to call one time. If they don't answer your initial call, they are probably unwilling to talk it out. You can leave a final voicemail if you want to.
3
Ask them to give you more information over text. If your partner doesn’t want to meet with you in person or talk on the phone with you, you can try to talk to them through text messages about their breakup text. Although this isn’t ideal, asking for clarification or more information over text is better than not getting it at all.^{[13]
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- Text something like, "I'm not sure I understand where you're coming from. I thought things were going well! If possible, could you explain a little more?"
- If the person doesn't respond to your request, try to come to terms with that. Don't continue to push for information if they're unwilling to elaborate.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I get over it if the breakup was really unexpected?

Cristina Morara
Dating Coach
Cristina Morara is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, Relationship Expert, and the Founder of Stellar Hitch Private Matchmaking, a luxury matchmaking service based in Los Angeles that serves clients nationwide and internationally. As a former casting director, Cristina specializes in finding the perfect partner through her exclusive global network and detailed, warm approach. Cristina holds a BA in Communications and Psychology from Villanova University. Stellar Hitch has been featured in the Huffington Post, Chelsea Handler’s Netflix documentary, ABC News, the Tonight Show, Voyage LA, and the Celebrity Perspective.

Cristina Morara

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

First, recognize that time is on your side. You may be sad now, but remember that you've got your whole life ahead of you and you're going to move on eventually. In the meantime, hang out with your friends. Lean on them for support. They'll help you get through this initial phase.
Question

Can I text them in the future to try and rekindle things?

Cristina Morara
Dating Coach
Cristina Morara is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, Relationship Expert, and the Founder of Stellar Hitch Private Matchmaking, a luxury matchmaking service based in Los Angeles that serves clients nationwide and internationally. As a former casting director, Cristina specializes in finding the perfect partner through her exclusive global network and detailed, warm approach. Cristina holds a BA in Communications and Psychology from Villanova University. Stellar Hitch has been featured in the Huffington Post, Chelsea Handler’s Netflix documentary, ABC News, the Tonight Show, Voyage LA, and the Celebrity Perspective.

Cristina Morara

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

You can if you think it's worth pursuing. When you do decide to reach out, be clear and direct. If you want to be friends, say so. If you think you want to restart the relationship, do that. It may be scary to be so vulnerable and open after breaking up, but that's really going to be the healthiest way to revisit things.