How to Respond to a Girl on Tinder

Co-authored by Hardy Jean and Madeleine Flamiano

Last Updated: October 20, 2022 References

Did you just match with a girl, and now you're wondering what to say to impress her? Maybe you want to stand out from all the other users on Tinder and steal the show so she'll talk to you. Your best bet is to just pay attention to her and learn everything you can from her bio. Once you respond to a girl with a customized message, she'll feel truly special. We've created an action plan for mastering Tinder and winning her over—try out these tips and build rapport right away.

1

Get intel from all her social media profiles.

Score an advantage over anyone else contacting her. First, check out her Tinder profile and pay attention to the job, educational background, and interests she lists. Then, pull out key phrases from her bio that you can talk about in your opener.
- Focus on one or all of her interests. For example, point out if she’s “en pointe” describing everything from her love of ballet to her passion for metal music.
- Scroll down and check out any last details she included, such as her “Anthem,” or theme song. Share if you've heard it before or if you've just learned about it.
- See if she included her Instagram username in her bio so you can perform some quick research.
- Strike up a convo about her pics with something like, “That’s so cool that you finally performed your first solo! Were you relaxed or nervous?”

2

Open with a clever gif.

Find an animated image that you think really speaks to her. Studies suggest that she’s 30% more likely to reply to any gif and that the convo will last twice as long as ones without a gif as an opener. Get even better chances by using a special gif that was chosen with her in mind.^{[1]
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- gif of a tiger roaring
  "You really watched both seasons of Tiger King in one day?! Beast mode!"
- gif of a chef quickly chopping veggies for salsa
  "Okay, so when are we going salsa dancing?!"
- gif of a man making a grilled cheese sandwich with an iron
  "You're a professional chef but you eat takeout every night?! Oh, the irony!"

3

Call her by her name.

Make her feel like she’s more than just another Tinder match. It doesn’t get more friendly and personal than addressing her by her name. She’ll definitely get the sense that you don’t just send an umbrella message to every woman you meet online. Plus, you’ll make your dynamic feel warm and familiar right away.^{[2]
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- “So, Sarah, I wanted to start off and thank you for being a healthcare worker! ⚕️”
- “Morning, Melissa! Can I ask a question about movie production, since you’re the expert? 🎥”
- “Emilie! I can’t believe that you write stand-up routines based on your dates! What am I walking into here?!”

4

Send a personalized pick-up line.

It’s a real treat for her because it’s not canned or cookie-cutter. She might’ve heard all the standard pick-up lines, so it’s easy for all of those to become a blur. However, if you do your research and craft a flirty remark based on her lifestyle or career, she’ll find it witty and sweet.^{[3]
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- “You’re a real estate agent? Luckily, I’m an appraiser, so I’m here to report that you’re priceless! Okay, okay…cheap line, but I had to.”
- “You’re in finance? Let me guess…you’re in banking! You definitely have my interest.”
- “How’s law school treating you? Do you have any time for me to court you? 🏛️ 😉”

5

Make puns based on her interests.

Thoughtful wordplay makes her laugh and swoon. You’ll always get props for being polite, but what really makes you memorable is an unforgettable sense of humor. Customize a joke by building off what you know about her hobbies or passions. She’ll light up and warm up to you.^{[4]
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Pew Research Center
Nonpartisan thinktank conducting research and providing information on public opinion, demographic trends, and social trends
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- “You travel the world just to check out different baked goods? I don’t like sweets. Don’t dessert me! ❌ 🍰”
- “I see that you like classical music! Do you think outside the Bachs, though?”
- “You play video games every night, too?! That definitely consoles me. 🎮”

6

Match the tone of her profile.

Show you noticed her writing style and how she expresses herself. Her bio, IG, and social media profiles all give you some insight about her attitude and personality. Pay close attention to her unique way of talking about herself and the world around her. Then, reply with a similar vibe—she’ll already feel like you two may be compatible.^{[5]
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- If she’s dry and sarcastic, say something like, “Well, aren’t you a ray of sunshine.”
- If she’s bubbly and cheerful, make a comment like, “I totally agree with your ideas about unstoppable optimism!”
- If she’s curious and analytical, pose a question like, “Do you think there’s a difference between an obsession and a passion?”

7

Use clues from her bio to stir up her emotions.

Whether she’s a softie or tough-as-nails, give her something to react to. She may be sensitive and care a lot about animals or the environment. On the other hand, she may be sassy and enjoy a playful back-and-forth. Send a message based on what you think will work her up a little—you’re more likely to provoke an immediate response.
- “Your pet is from the shelter, too?! I adopted my American Sable five years ago! He looks like such a meatball. 🐇🧆”
- “So, you wanna be roasted, huh? You give me a ton of material to work with. 🔥🔥 😈”
- “I read that you hate plot holes. 🕳️ Let me tell you about a book that’s the worst offender…”

8

Ask questions about her pics or bio.

Shine the spotlight on her with an impromptu interview. She’ll love all the attention and how you can carry a conversation. Focus your first messages on her and what you’re most curious about — use what's in her bio to show her bits of your personality. When you dive into any details she’s made public, she’ll know you keep your questions fresh instead of asking the same ones.^{[6]
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Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
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- “Cool pic! Did you really manage to get into Area 51 or is that just a set? 🛸”
- “Your bio mentioned that you prefer camping to fine dining. What’s your favorite place to pitch a tent?”
- “You’re in a different country in each of those pictures! 😲 How many years did it take to visit all of those places?”
- Spend at least five minutes reviewing the profile to see what catches your eye, then lead off by telling her what you notice about her profile, but always make sure that your response gives a glimpse into who you are as a person as well.

9

Give a compliment that has nothing to do with her looks.

Prove that you’re focused on her amazing qualities and personality. Since it’s Tinder and you’ve swiped right, you’ve already established that you’re attracted to her. Bring something new to the table and shower her with praise that goes beyond the superficial. She’ll adore that you remain respectful and thoughtful even on a dating app focused on appearance and first impressions.^{[7]
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- “You have such great taste in punk rock bands! 🖤 Your Tinder Anthem is my childhood fave!”
- “Sky-diving, four-wheeling, and cliff walking!? I love what a daredevil you are!”
- “I love that your biggest aspiration is to support your friends! You sound very caring.”

10

Chat about where she lives.

Express genuine curiosity about her background and circumstances. If her pics, bio, or social media lists where she’s staying now, ask her about it. Also check in about how it compares to her hometown. These questions help keep the convo going because she gets to provide her perspective about her surroundings.
- “Downtown LA, huh?! 🌴 City of Angels! Has it been a slice of heaven for you?”
- “You said you’re in New York…’for now’! Does that mean you miss the West Coast?”
- “You’re not a fan of deep dish pizza?! 🤯 What does Chicago offer you instead?”

11

Tease her and bring up opposite opinions.

Hint you already know what she likes and what she disagrees with. Bait her with a completely different viewpoint—she’ll feel tempted to start a debate. As long as you’re playful with your delivery, you’ll keep the mood light and fun. Plus, it might be the most inspired she’s felt on Tinder in a long time because she has so much to say.^{[8]
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- “I slept through Bladerunner! If I’m going to stay awake, give me any movie with Schwarzenegger! 😜”
- “I can’t agree that walks on the beach are cliché! It depends on what you do with them!”
- ”There’s no way an escape room is the best way to test how someone acts under pressure! I’ll list three scenarios that would really reveal your true colors…🎨”

12

Suggest a date based on the vibe you get from her.

Impress her with your initiative and attention to detail. If you’re really bold, shoot your shot and open with a plan you think would be perfect for her. Briefly explain what inspired your idea. If you prefer to wait a bit, use all of the options above, then ask her out once you feel you’ve learned everything necessary to really impress her.
- “You, me, and Thai. You said you have a special place in your heart for a good hole-in-the-wall, and I know just the spot! 🕳️”
- “Alright, Miss Rough and Tumble! Let’s roll up to a monster truck rally. 👹 🚛”
- “I’d love to take you to the symphony next week. There’s a famous harpist coming into town!

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I guarantee a response on Tinder?

Hardy Jean
Dating Coach
Hardy "Coach DT" Jean is a Dating Coach and the Head Coach & Co-Founder of Way Tooo Spicy LLP, a relationship and dating coaching service based in Boston, Massachusetts. Hardy's specialties include trauma healing, self-love practices, and modern dating tactics in an increasingly virtual world. He works with his clients to upgrade their dating experiences through healing trauma, implementing uniquely personalized dating gameplans, and empowering clients to attract partners that they deserve. He has a BA in Legal Studies from the University of Massachusetts Amherst and is currently pursuing his Juris Doctor at Northeastern School of Law.

Hardy Jean

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Differentiate yourself from the crowd! Sending a single emoji or a "hey" message doesn't offer any real context or show that you actually looked through her profile to give her a glimpse into who you are.
Question

When should you set up a date on Tinder?

Hardy Jean
Dating Coach
Hardy "Coach DT" Jean is a Dating Coach and the Head Coach & Co-Founder of Way Tooo Spicy LLP, a relationship and dating coaching service based in Boston, Massachusetts. Hardy's specialties include trauma healing, self-love practices, and modern dating tactics in an increasingly virtual world. He works with his clients to upgrade their dating experiences through healing trauma, implementing uniquely personalized dating gameplans, and empowering clients to attract partners that they deserve. He has a BA in Legal Studies from the University of Massachusetts Amherst and is currently pursuing his Juris Doctor at Northeastern School of Law.

Hardy Jean

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Try to set up a date within the first 10 messages you exchange—just make sure that your date is in a location where she would feel safe meeting you. Also, try to be creative with your date; for instance, if she shares her passion for art, you might take her to an art museum and grab some ice cream afterwards instead of just taking her out to dinner.