How to Pick a Birthday Gift for a New Girlfriend

Co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Last Updated: December 7, 2021 References

What should you get a new girlfriend for her birthday? The trick is to make sure you don't come on too strong too soon, while still letting her know you remembered. Now's the time to make a good impression!

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Picking a Creative Gift

1
Choose a sentimental gift. It will probably touch her heart if you buy your girlfriend something sentimental.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.}
- For example, you could buy her something that represents how you met! That's probably not going to be too over-the-top, but it will convey that you are someone who's thoughtful and pays attention to details (and that you're happy you met her).
- Maybe you met in a coffee shop; get her a mug from there.^{[2]
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  Research source} Maybe you met her in a bookstore. Get her a book from the section she was in when you first saw her.
- The point of such a gift is to show you care without being too romantic because it's early on. The benefit of such an approach is that it's just a coffee cup! Yet, it also has a deeper meaning.
2
Give her flowers that aren't roses. Roses are probably too romantic for a new relationship, and they're kind of a cliche anyway.
- You could look up the meanings behind other flowers. Send her a bouquet with a card that says, "Did you know calla lilies are said to symbolize magnificence and beauty? Happy birthday, and I just wanted you to know I'm glad we met, and I hope you have a nice day today!"^{[3]
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- Other flower meanings would work too. Daffodils would be a great choice because the yellow flowers symbolize new beginnings! It will up the romance if you have the flowers delivered.
- Purple irises symbolize eloquence. Gladiolus symbolizes strength of character. The goal here is to match the flower to something about her that you admire, and let her know the meaning.
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3
Stay away from cliches. You want to make an impression when a relationship is new. It would be a mistake to ignore her birthday because most people appreciate being remembered.
- However, you want to put some thought into it without seeming like you are getting too serious too fast. So avoid cliches. That means you should forget the box of chocolates.
- It also means that you can bypass the cheap bouquet of wilted roses at the local grocery store.^{[4]
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- Instead, strive for something that shows you've noticed her uniqueness, and you're a thoughtful person.^{[5]
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  Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
  Licensed Relationship Therapist
  Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.} That will make the best impression.
4
Make her a cake. She might appreciate your effort, even if you're not a very good baker!
- Alternatively, you could buy her a cake with a creative saying on it that will have some meaning to her.
- You could also keep it lighter by making or buying a cupcake for her. Many communities have specialty cupcake stores. Buy her a creative flavor.
- Most people appreciate having a cake on their birthday, so she will probably appreciate the effort and, if you actually made it, and it's not perfect, she might even laugh (in a goodhearted way) and find it endearing.
5
Buy her something moderately priced. The goal here isn't to spend too much money, but to show you've put some thought into it.
- You could buy her a pair of fluffy slippers, or a new iPhone case in a color that you know she likes. If she drinks, you could buy her a nice bottle of wine, and read up on the winery, so you explain why you picked that brand.
- Avoid buying her clothing if you've just met. It can be very perilous to try to guess women's sizes!
- Buy her nice stationery or a print you got at a local art fair. A good rule of thumb is to spend between $15 and $50 for a first gift. Spending more than $100 might make it seem like you are trying too hard to impress.^{[6]
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6
Make her a gift basket. This should be one you put together yourself. Inside it, place inexpensive items that are things you know she likes.
- If she likes Snickers, for example, put some in there. Ditto with Cherry Coke. Or funny socks. Add in a book you know she would like, and a couple of movie tickets if she likes those.
- You could include a small stuffed animal (depending on her age; that works better if she's under 25).
- Put mostly food items in the gift basket or other things that relate to things she likes to do. If she loves golfing, you could include a new set of golf balls, for example!

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Finding the Right Balance

1
Buy something practical. If it's a new relationship, it's a good idea to err on the side of practicality versus romance.
- Don't buy her something that she'll laugh about to her friends, though, such as a toaster or a vacuum cleaner.
- Rather, buy her something that you've noticed she needs. She will probably appreciate your thoughtfulness. You could also buy her something more artistic for her house, such as a pretty vase you found.^{[7]
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- For example, you could buy her an espresso machine, and tell her you've noticed she likes espresso (if she does), but that she only has a regular coffee machine.
2
Buy her tickets to a future event. However, don't make it too far into the future. That might be presumptuous if the relationship is new.
- What does work is to buy her tickets for an event that upcoming weekend (but maybe inquire gently as to whether she is available). You could also buy her tickets to a new movie she's been talking about wanting to see.
- These could be tickets to a local wine festival, to a concert for a band she enjoys, to a book reading, or to any number of things.^{[8]
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- Another possibility is to give her a card indicating the event you'd like to take her to, try to choose one that doesn't require tickets (like a local fest). That way you're not making assumptions about her time. These gifts are called "experience gifts," and they produce memories if you do them together!^{[9]
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  Research source} Take her to an amusement park!
3
Offer to do something for her. Maybe you noticed that her hedges need trimming or that her refrigerator is making loud noises.
- Tell her for her birthday you would like to come over and help her out with X, Y, or Z. She will probably appreciate the fact she can rely on you.
- Give her a nice card that explains that, although the relationship is new, you are enjoying getting to know her, and wanted to do something that shows her she can rely on you as the relationship progresses.
- Smile and say, don't worry, when things aren't so new, I can be a romantic person too! But I'm trying to be respectful, and take it at a nice pace.
4
Buy her a book. This gift has a dual purpose. It shows her that you are a person with intellect and also that you have a sense of her likes.
- Pick something that relates to a topic she is interested in. You probably can't go wrong with a book of poetry! Try E.E. Cummings or, if she is Irish, William Butler Yeats.
- Let's say she is a lawyer. You could get her a biography of a lawyer she admires. In other words, try to tie the book into her life somehow.
- Whatever you do, don't buy her a cheap pop culture paperback (unless it's a book she mentioned or the book a movie she loves was based on) and don't buy her a self-help book! Along the same lines, you could buy her a CD from a band she likes.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Choosing Something Romantic

1
Write her a poem. Even if you're not the best writer of all time, the fact that you tried will probably please her. The poem should be light and fun, not heady and about love at this point.
- One benefit of writing a poem in a new relationship is that poetry is subjective, meaning there are many ways to interpret it. And, at the beginning of a relationship, you will generally want to be a little mysterious still.
- You could focus the poem on an attribute of hers that you like. Don't only think physical (but, if you do, pick something like the color of her eyes or her smile). Keep it short!
- Instead, focus on a trait of hers you admire. Maybe it's how she talks to everyone the same, no matter their socioeconomic status. Maybe it's that she loves animals. Maybe it's that she is fearless or hard-working.
2
Give her a nice card. You could find a card that is geared toward a new relationship. Hunt around in the card aisle.
- Find one that doesn't convey platonic friendship and isn't gushing with love, either. You can find poems with statements that fit an early relationship.
- Inside the card, write something short but heartfelt. You could write something like, "I've really enjoyed getting to know you, and I'm glad we met. Happy birthday! I look forward to seeing how this evolves."
- A nice touch would be to include a pressed flower inside the card representing a trait you see in her. Alternatively, you could write her a handwritten letter that expresses that you are happy you met her and explains what attracted you to her.
3
Give her vintage jewelry. Everyone knows that jewelry connotes seriousness in a relationship, especially if it's a ring. So stay away from rings! It's too soon!
- However, that doesn't mean you can't give her jewelry just because the relationship is new. You can, but it should be something more decorative than romantic. You could get ideas of what she likes from her Pinterest page, if she has one.^{[10]
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- For example, you could pick up a pair of vintage earrings, and tell her you knew they'd look good on her when you saw them because they reminded you of the color she was wearing when you met.
- You could buy her a pretty bracelet, turquoise earrings, or basically any type of jewelry that is not a ring! Avoid gemstones like diamonds for now. Go quirky and artistic, not expensive.
4
Invite her to dinner. Tell her you know she might be busy on her birthday, but if she's not, you'd love to take her to dinner. You could also make her dinner! Since it's a new relationship, don't assume she is spending her birthday with you, though. Ask her a few days before if you can take her to dinner for it!
- Ask her what her favorite restaurant is, unless you already know it. Pick something she will like or simply ask her where she would like to go. Make sure to pay!
- Come armed with a card. Dinner is an inherently romantic setting if you pick a place where you have to dress up.
- The other benefit of inviting her to dinner is that you will have a chance to talk to her and get to know her better. Make sure you tell the server it's her birthday!
5
Buy her a candle. Candles are great because they have a romantic connotation, but they also can be simply decorative.
- Buy her a candle with a romantic scent, like cinnamon, ocean mist, or vanilla. Vanilla is an aphrodisiac.^{[11]
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- Try not to pick something too homespun, like an apple or pumpkin pie. The goal here is to send her a subtle signal that you want to pursue more than friendship.
- Put the candle in a pretty bag, and include a nice card that thanks her for the time you've spent together.
6
Treat her to a spa. Tell her you know she has a lot on her plate at work (if she does), and that you wanted to make sure she takes time for herself!
- Give her a gift certificate for a massage at a reputable local salon, or for a manicure or pedicure.
- You could also treat her to a facial, but a massage might be a safer route because she won't think you're implying she needs it!
- You could just give her a general gift certificate to the spa, and include a list of the services inside, letting her pick!

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I make my girlfriend happy on her birthday?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

You can give her a material gift or do some fun things together to make your girlfriend happy on her birthday.
Question

How can we have an enjoyable time on my girlfriend's birthday?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

You can make a cozy sitting arrangement in your living room and watch a movie or some fun things together. Or you can have a camp in your backyard.
Question

How can I surprise my girlfriend on her birthday?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

You can write a love letter or a note expressing your feelings about her and leave it in her house on her birthday. She will be surprised and happy to find it.