How to Overcome Awkwardness

Co-authored by Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP

Last Updated: November 14, 2022 References

If you consider yourself awkward, you may struggle in social situations and feel like you never know what to say. In order to overcome your awkwardness, you first must deal with any shyness or social anxiety that is holding you back. You can then start practicing your social skills and learning how to be a great conversationalist. It will take a little practice, but you can do it!

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Overcoming Shyness and Anxiety

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Know the difference between shyness, social anxiety, and awkwardness. People often use these three terms interchangeably, but they are actually very different. Shyness and anxiety can both cause you to feel awkward, but you can also be socially awkward without being shy or suffering from social anxiety.^{[1]
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- Shyness is simply an uneasiness around other people. People who are shy may feel uncomfortable in certain social situations, but this usually does not interfere with their daily lives much. If you are shy, you may be able to get past it simply by challenging yourself to partake in social situations that make you uncomfortable.
- Social anxiety may resemble extreme shyness. People who suffer from social anxiety typically have unreasonable fears of embarrassing themselves in social situations, which interfere with their ability to function in society. If you suffer from social anxiety, a professional mental health expert can help you overcome your condition.
- Awkwardness, or being self-conscious, is the feeling that everyone is watching you, sometimes leading to embarrassment. It can happen to anyone, but this feeling peaks during the teenage years.^{[2]
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2
Practice self-acceptance to build confidence. When you're confident, that insidious feeling of self-consciousness tends to fade into the background. Instead of worrying about what other people are thinking, you're able to focus on enjoying the experience. Building confidence doesn't happen overnight, but you can gradually achieving it by learning how to accept yourself.
- When you have negative thoughts about yourself, try seeing them in a different way. For example, let's say you're feeling shy in a given situation. Instead of berating yourself, look at it from a different angle: you're feeling quiet today, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's room for quiet people in the world, just like there is room for outgoing people.
- Realize that you're great just as you are. You are a person worth knowing, even if you have imperfections - after all, everyone on earth has them. Sometimes things may be awkward, but it doesn't have to be the end of the world. ^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist
  Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.}
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3
Partake in social hobbies. To get yourself more comfortable in social situations, consider taking on a new hobby that involves moderate social interaction. Anything that interests you and that will give you the opportunity to interact with new people (even just a few) will be good for you if you are trying to overcome shyness or social anxiety.^{[4]
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- Consider taking some kind of small group class to learn a new skill, such as painting or kickboxing. You could also join a sports team or a social group that gets together to do activities.
4
Give up your safety behaviors. A lot of people who are shy or socially anxious have certain behaviors that they use to shield them from the awkwardness of social interaction. This may be looking at your phone or avoiding eye contact with people at parties, or it may be drinking alcohol or doing drugs to feel less awkward. If you really want to get past your awkwardness, you need to identify these kinds of behaviors and give them up. The more you experience social interactions without your safety behaviors, they easier it will become.^{[5]
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5
Realize that your anxious thoughts are untrue. If you find yourself obsessing about all of the bad or embarrassing things that might happen during your next social interaction, you need to start actively challenging these thoughts. The next time a thought like this enters your mind, ask yourself how likely it really is to happen. Then think of several reasons why the bad thing is unlikely to happen and keep repeating them to yourself.^{[6]
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- For example, if you are worried that you will say something stupid if you try to talk to a girl you like, tell yourself that is not true because you are intelligent, you have lots of interesting things to talk about, and you have already made a plan for what you will talk to her about.
- Try to understand that even though you feel really awkward and uncomfortable, it doesn't mean that the person you're talking to is feeling the same way.^{[7]
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  Expert Source
  
  Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist
  Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.}

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Improving Your Social Skills

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Practice your conversation skills. Socially awkward people often feel like they don't know the proper way to respond to others during a conversation. If this is the case for you, the best thing you can do is get as much practice as possible. The more experience you have talking with different people about different topics in different settings, the better you will get at picking up on social cues.^{[8]
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- In order to really overcome your fears, you need to talk to people you don't know instead of gluing yourself to your friends' sides at a party.
- It may help you feel more confident if you know who will be at a particular event ahead of time. This is especially helpful for business networking. Find out as much as you can about these people before you meet them so you will know what to talk about.
2
Try reading fiction. People who read fiction may have stronger social skills than people who read non-fiction. This may be because they have experienced a wide range of social situations through the eyes of the fictional characters. If you feel you need some extra exposure to non-awkward social interactions, just pick up a novel.^{[9]
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Take a class. If you want to build self-confidence and improve your social skills, consider taking an improv or acting class. These classes can help get you outside of your comfort zone, can teach you how to deal with unexpected situations quickly, and can help you learn to laugh at yourself. All of this can really help decrease your social awkwardness.^{[10]
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4
Don't fret about awkwardness. Even though you may think your awkwardness is holding you back, there might actually be some benefits to it. People tend to view awkward individuals as sincere and non-threatening. Awkward people can also be very funny in their own way. For all of these reasons, a lot of people find awkwardness endearing and even attractive.^{[11]
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- The less you worry about your own awkwardness, the less it is likely to actually have a negative effect on your relationships, so just relax!

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Having Non-Awkward Conversations

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Smile. Smiling has been shown to make people more approachable and attractive. Smile when conversing, when you walk, and in public places. You may just find that people are more likely to want to talk to you!^{[12]
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Maintain eye contact. People who feel awkward try to avoid eye contact while making awkward glances, which can give the other person the impression that you are rude and disinterested. Maintain eye contact when you have a conversation to show that you are genuinely interested in what the person is talking about. ^{[13]
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3
Have a plan. If you find that you never know what to talk about, it helps to plan ahead a bit. Come up with a list of several topics that you can use during conversations when you run out of other things to talk about.^{[14]
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- If you are passionate about something, whether it's cars or travel, this is a great thing to talk about. It's always easier to have a good conversation when the topic genuinely interests you.
- Current events are always good conversation starters, so get to know what's going on in the world.
- Keep things light, especially if you are talking to someone you don't know. Most people do not enjoy casual conversations about depressing subjects.
4
Ask open-ended questions. A great way to keep a conversation going is to ask the right kinds of questions. Try to think of questions that will illicit a longer response, which may in turn prompt you to ask another question. Instead of asking, "Do you like school?" ask, "What's your favorite class?" You could then ask, "Why do you like that class?" or "What have you learned in that class?" and so on.^{[15]
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- Asking lots of questions also prevents you from talking about yourself too much, which people tend not to like.^{[16]
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5
Banish awkward silences. Long pauses in conversation can make people feel uncomfortable, especially if you're shy or socially anxious. Try to remember that these pauses tend to feel much longer than they actually are, so don't let them completely kill your conversation.
- Don't overthink things and just keep talking. Even if you completely change the subject, at least the conversation will continue.
- If you can't think of anything else to say, start talking about something in your shared environment, such as the weather conditions or the food at the party you both happen to be at. Start with something simple like, "What do you think about this weather we've been having?" to get started.^{[17]
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- Keep in mind the silences don't always need to be awkward. Try not to let it throw you off your game and ask a question, even if several seconds have passed. For example, if the person you were talking to was telling you about his vacation to Prague, consider jumping back into that conversation a moment later by saying something like, "So you've been to Prague. Have you traveled anywhere else in Europe?"
6
Cut yourself some slack. Try not to be angry at yourself if the conversation doesn't go well. Just move on and start talking to someone else.^{[18]
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Expert Q&A

Question

Why do I feel so awkward all the time?

Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP
Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist
Dr. Nicole Lippman-Barile is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner (NTP) who practices in New York. As a psychologist, she specializes in treating anxiety and mood disorders, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and related compulsive disorders. As a nutritional therapist, Dr. Lippman-Barile specializes in treating blood sugar dysregulation, digestive health, and mood disorders related to food. She holds a PhD in Clinical Psychology from Hofstra University and a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner Certification from the Nutritional Therapy Association.

Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP

Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist

Expert Answer

That is really common, but you have to try getting out of your head and really live the conversations and interactions with other people so that you can overcome that. Try to normalize the feeling and, even if something awkward really happens, know that you can move on from the experience.
Question

How do you know if someone thinks you're awkward?

Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP
Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist
Dr. Nicole Lippman-Barile is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner (NTP) who practices in New York. As a psychologist, she specializes in treating anxiety and mood disorders, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and related compulsive disorders. As a nutritional therapist, Dr. Lippman-Barile specializes in treating blood sugar dysregulation, digestive health, and mood disorders related to food. She holds a PhD in Clinical Psychology from Hofstra University and a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner Certification from the Nutritional Therapy Association.

Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP

Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist

Expert Answer

Well, you have to ask the person. Remember that we can't read minds, so you aren't able to really know what they are thinking. Rest assured, though, that the majority of people can't realize that you're feeling awkward during a conversation. Relax and enjoy your interactions for what they are!