Forget Boredom! 8 Exciting Tips to Spice Up a Long-Distance Relationship

Written by John Keegan | Edited by Megaera Lorenz, PhD

Last Updated: May 28, 2022 References

Long-distance relationships are challenging. When you’re not seeing each other in person, it can be hard to feel a sense of connection and excitement. But if you’re concerned that your partner might get bored, don’t worry—there are things you can do to keep the spark alive! In this article, we’ll talk you through some of the best ways to keep your long-distance love life intimate and fun.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, John Keegan, founder of The Awakened Lifestyle. Check out the full interview here.

1

Make the most of video calling.

Don’t rely on just emails, texting, and voice calls. Being able to see each other even when you’re far apart can make a big difference in your level of intimacy. As much as possible, use video platforms to communicate so you can see one another and feel more connected.^{[1]
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- Make sure you and your sweetheart both have the same video calling software installed. Some popular options include Skype, FaceTime (for Apple devices), Google Duo, and Zoom.

2

Have deep conversations.

Your time together is precious, so make it quality time. According to dating coach John Keegan, "It’s especially important to make sure that you’re meeting each other’s emotional needs when you're dating long distance." When you chat, avoid just making vague small-talk. Instead, try to go a little deeper.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.} For instance, go into the details of anything important or exciting that happened during your day, and talk about how it made you feel.^{[3]
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- If you’re not sure what to talk about, ice-breaker questions can help. For example, you might ask things like, “What’s your most precious memory?” or “What’s something you’ve always dreamed of doing?”^{[4]
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  Greater Good in Action
  An initiative by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center promoting science-based practices for a meaningful life
  Go to source}

3

Connect over shared interests and passions.

Finding common ground is important in any relationship. When you don’t have the intimacy of regular in-person interactions, it becomes even more important! Ask lots of questions and try to get a sense of what you’re both into.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.} Try to take a genuine interest in things they like that you’re not as familiar with, too. Dating coach John Keegan suggests "looking for things you can share or special ways to get them involved with your life, like a project for work or a school paper."
- For example, you could both read a book by a mutual favorite author and have a chat about it next time you call each other.
- Or, try collaborating on a creative project, like a blog about a topic you both love.

4

Plan some virtual dates.

Make it as much like an in-person date as you can.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.} Work out a specific time and decide what you want to do in advance. As a fun example, dating coach John Keegan suggests activities like "eating dinner, reading poetry, having deep conversations, and/or watching the same movie on Netflix together."
- You could also play online games together or sign up for an online class on a topic you’re both interested in.

5

Share an image, video, or song.

If something makes you think of your SO, don’t hesitate to send it. Dating coach John Keegan suggests "sending these messages throughout the day, whether it's a song, an inspirational quote, or a YouTube clip."
- You can also share your own pictures and videos. For instance, send them a selfie or a photo you just took of a beautiful sunset. Include a heartfelt message, like, “I really wish you were here to see this with me! <3”

6

Find ways to get them involved in your everyday life.

Including them in your daily routine can bring you closer together. When two people live together or regularly see each other in person, it’s much easier to feel like you’re actually sharing a life. Make a conscious effort to help your SO feel more present in your life by talking to them about day-to-day things, like your work, school, or social interactions.^{[7]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.} In addition to just talking, look for other ways to let them share in your experiences, such as:
- Asking for their advice on work situations.
- Asking them to help you study or review for a test.
- Getting their feedback on personal projects you’re working on.
- Virtually including them in get-togethers with friends or family.

7

Experiment with virtual sex.

Get creative and have fun! Whether you’re sexting, getting steamy over the phone, or having a face-to-face encounter over video chat, sexual intimacy can play a huge role in keeping a long-distance relationship exciting. Talk to your partner about what they enjoy and how you can keep things spicy, even if you can’t get physical in person.^{[8]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.}
- For instance, you might both enjoy sharing a naughty fantasy, watching porn together online, doing a little virtual roleplay, or just talking about what you’d like to do with one another next time you meet.
- Having virtual sex over video chat can be especially exciting and fun. Just make sure to use a secure platform with an encrypted connection, such as Signal, so there’s less danger of somebody else seeing what you’re doing.^{[9]
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8

Try to meet in person as often as possible.

If you can, plan regular meetups—even if it’s just once a month.^{[10]
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Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.} While a long-distance relationship can work if you’re both willing to put in the effort, going too long without seeing each other can be really frustrating. To keep things exciting and give you both something to look forward to, do your best to get together now and then.^{[11]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.}
- If you live really far apart, consider meeting halfway. For instance, if one of you lives in Pennsylvania and the other lives in California, you might meet up in Montana for a hiking adventure in the mountains.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you keep a long distance relationship interesting?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Try video chatting! Video chatting lets you communicate with body language and facial expressions as well as just your words and your tone of voice. Make the most of the opportunity to use subtle forms of non-verbal intimacy, like lingering eye contact and loving smiles.
Question

What kills long-distance relationships?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

The lack of physical touch and closeness plays a big part. In an LDR, you can't do anything physically with your partner, whether it's having sex or just meeting up for coffee.
Question

Why do long-distance relationships not last?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Jealousy can really play a big part. In an LDR, it's hard to know what your partner is up to, which leads to questions like "What did my partner do last night?" or "Who were they with?"