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This article was co-authored by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Dr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 10 years of experience, and is now the Clinical Director at Coast Psychological Services in Los Angeles, California. She received her Doctor of Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2009. Her practice provides cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples.
There are 17 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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This article has been viewed 1,593,774 times.
Life can make you experience some intense, turbulent emotions: sadness, anger, jealousy, despair, or emotional pain. It is not always possible (or even a good idea) to turn off these emotions, since they can help you work through your problems and improve your life.[1] However, sometimes strong emotions can make it difficult for you to function, and you have to numb yourself temporarily just to get through the day. To make yourself emotionally numb under such circumstances, you'll need to work at controlling your surroundings, paying close attention to your emotions, calming yourself physically, and dealing with anxiety as it pops up.
See When Should You Try This? to learn more about when numbing your emotions might be a good course of action.
Steps
Part 1
Part 1 of 5:
Controlling Your Surroundings
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1Recognize that numbing yourself comes at a cost. Studies show that repressing negative emotions can deplete your psychological resources, making it more difficult for you to handle stress and make good decisions. This means that numbing yourself from emotional pain might hurt your resilience or even your ability to remember events. Only numb yourself if it is truly necessary for you to get through your daily life.
- An effective alternative to numbing yourself is to work through your emotional pain by reframing it and focusing on more positive emotions. For example, you might want to numb yourself to an embarrassing incident that happened to you at work. However, maybe you can try to see that the incident is not humiliating, but rather quite funny. This is commonly known as cognitive reappraisal and, while not the same as emotional numbness, can produce a similar desired effect.[2]
- Be aware that feelings of total or long-term numbness might be an indication of mental health disorders such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)[3] or clinical depression.[4] If you feel constantly lost, numb, and hopeless, you should see your doctor or therapist as soon as possible.
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2Avoid people, settings, and events you dislike. The easiest way for you to numb your emotional response is to control your surroundings. Make sure that you are not triggering extreme emotional responses in the first place.[5] If you know that certain people, places, and activities bring out the worst in you, try to stay away from them as much as possible.Advertisement
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3Take control over situations you dislike. Sometimes you have to be around people you dislike or perform tasks you hate. If you cannot avoid the things that cause you emotional pain, find ways to take control over them. Do not view yourself as a helpless victim: find as much agency as you can in the situation. Simply reminding yourself that you always have a choice can help you get through emotional times relatively unscathed.[6] For example:
- If you get stressed out studying for tests the night before the exam, try studying for the exam two nights before instead. Then you can relax the night before the exam.
- If you hate going to parties because there are too many people, ask one or two close friends to attend it with you. Seek them out if you need to get away from the crowd and have a more private conversation.
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4Distract yourself. When you feel your emotions getting in your way, stop what you are doing immediately and do something else instead. Try to do an activity that will require you to focus all of your mental and emotional attention on it. By distracting yourself, you will be able to process your emotions later, when you are more likely to be calm and reasonable. But for now, don't worry about processing your emotional state: simply change your mood by changing your activity. Some good activities include:
- Playing a video game
- Watching a movie
- Engaging in your favorite hobby
- Going to a concert or comedy show
- Exercising
- Counting down from 100 in increments of 7
- Focusing on finding a color, such as blue, in your surroundings
- Noticing how your feet feel on the ground
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5Give yourself technology breaks. Technology can lead to more intense emotions: by remaining plugged in, you are exposing yourself to added work stress, life stress, and feelings of helplessness. You can make yourself calmer and happier instantly by quitting social media sites.[7] Take control over your emotional life by limiting the amount of time you spend on the internet.[8] In order to limit your internet use, you can:
- Check email at work only--never at home
- Turn your phone off in the evenings
- Turn off social media notifications
- Take down your social media profiles
- Take a break from the internet during weekends
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6Act neutral, even if you do not feel that way. According to the Facial Feedback Hypothesis, you can change your emotional state simply by changing your facial expression. In other words: by pretending to feel a certain way, you can actually begin feeling that way for real. If you want to be emotionally numb, act emotionally numb. This might be difficult during times of stress, but with some practice it will soon become natural. Stay neutral by:
- Maintaining a cool, deadpan expression
- Keeping your lips neutral, in neither a smile nor a frown
- Speaking in low tones at a low volume
- Remaining terse by keeping your sentences brief and to the point
- Maintaining eye contact with a calm, blank stare
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Part 2
Part 2 of 5:
Paying Attention to Your Emotions
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1Tell yourself that negative emotions are all in your brain. Tell yourself that negative emotions are not objective facts: you are never forced to feel emotional pain. Remember that emotional pain comes from your own mind. This means that you can rise above many negative emotions such as fear, anxiety, and anger. When a negative emotion threatens to emerge, simply dismiss it with the mantra: "This is only in my mind." This is an essential component of mindfulness.
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2Rehearse situations that might cause you emotional pain in the future. In addition to armoring yourself against emotional pain you feel in the present, you can also use mindfulness techniques to prepare yourself for future emotional pain. Think about events in the near future that might cause you distress, such as a stressful exam, a potential fight with your girlfriend, or a difficult task at work. Imagine a calm, unemotional response to each of these future events, and practice overcoming these negative emotions. Soon you will inure yourself to these strong emotions, and you will be better equipped to handle yourself calmly.
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3Pay attention to your emotional state. Every day, perform a few periodic "mental check-ins" to determine your emotional well-being at that specific time. Even when you are not sad or upset, being mindful of what you are feeling and why will help you understand your instinctive emotional responses to everyday life. Eventually, your mindfulness will allow you to control your emotional responses more effectively. When you perform your "mental check-in," ask yourself the following questions:
- What am I feeling in this moment? Am I feeling a single, overwhelming emotion, or a combination of emotions? Simply giving your emotions a label can help you view them more objectively.[9]
- Why am I feeling this way? Are my emotions due to internal factors (such as my own fears) or external factors (such as when somebody yells at me)?
- Do I like the way I am feeling now? Perhaps you are feeling joyful or grateful about life and want to foster these emotions. But perhaps you are feeling anxious or nervous and do not want to experience these emotions in the future.
- What can I do to control my feelings in the future? Ask yourself if you can encourage your positive emotions while discouraging or even dismissing your negative ones. How can you structure your life so that you are the one controlling your emotions--not letting your emotions control you?
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4Don't beat yourself up for showing emotions. Sometimes your emotional armor might crack, and you might find yourself expressing emotions you hoped not to express. Perhaps you cried at work or couldn't hide your distress at school. Tell yourself that this happens to everybody, and try to learn from the experience.[10] Some ways to help you forgive yourself include:
- Focus on your future, not the present. Ask yourself whether your current failure has taught you any lessons about how you will react in the future. Pat yourself on the back for learning from a difficult situation.[11]
- Tell yourself that resilience only comes from failures. You cannot be emotionally strong right away: you will have to practice it slowly, over time. Look at this as one step on your journey to controlling your emotions.[12]
- Keep things in perspective. Remember that the person who cares the most about your emotional state is you. Your colleagues, fellow students, friends, and family members will soon forget if you had a minor outburst. Remember that this is not the end of the world: it is a small blip in your life.[13]
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5Take time before reacting. If something happens to upset you, try to remain calm and blank for a few minutes. Breathe deeply and count to ten. Once you've gotten past the immediate emotional response, you will be able to respond to the situation calmly and rationally instead of with pure emotion.[14]
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6Keep a diary. One great way to keep your emotions from taking over your life is to let them spill out . . . on paper. Expel your emotions by writing them down in a journal. This will allow you to forget about your emotional state and move on with your life.[15] Studies show that people who write about their mood changes in journals feel like they have greater control over their emotional states.[16] Commit to writing in your journal at predetermined points during the day or during those times when you think you might be getting emotional.
- Pay particular attention to whether you think your emotional reaction is one that a mentally healthy person would share or whether your reaction is exaggerated somehow.[17]
- Be sure to ask yourself whether you have felt this way in the past. This will help you find a pattern in your emotional state.
- If something upsetting happens to you, tell yourself that you will simply write about it later in your diary. This will help prevent you from reacting emotionally in the moment.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 5:
Calming Yourself Physically
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1Take deep breaths. Deep breathing exercises will help you maintain your calm demeanor. They are also a great coping mechanism when you feel your emotions rising to the surface.[18] Breathe in through your nose for five seconds, hold for five seconds, then release through your mouth for five seconds. Repeat as necessary until you have regained your composure.[19]
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2Do vigorous aerobic activity for 30 minutes. Exercise can help distract you from painful emotions and will also allow you to be a calmer, more rational person. Find your favorite sport, exercise, or physical activity. Whenever you feel emotions begin to bubble up, put on your gym shoes and get your heart pumping. Soon you will forget about your emotional response.[22] [23] Some excellent physical outlets include:
- Running or jogging
- Bicycling
- Swimming
- Team sports such as softball or soccer
- Martial arts
- Kickboxing
- Dancing
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3Avoid substance use. It might be tempting to use substances in order to dull your emotions. However, many drugs and alcohol also work to lower your inhibitions, leading you to have emotional reactions of even greater intensity. Even caffeine can trigger a stress reaction.[24] Keep yourself calm and emotionally neutral by abstaining from drugs, alcohol, and caffeine.
- An important exception to this is if you require psychiatric medication for a mental health disorder. If this is the case, follow your doctor's instructions at all times.
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4Get a good night's rest. Sleeplessness can make it difficult to handle your emotions neutrally and calmly.[25] Be sure that you sleep at least 8 hours each night. If you have a hard time sleeping, be sure that you:
- Avoid blue light, which is emitted by electronics, for at least 3 hours before bed[26]
- Keep your bedroom cool and well-ventilated
- Have a comfortable mattress
- Use a white noise machine to drown out ambient noise
- Avoid caffeine, alcohol, and heavy meals, especially in the evenings
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Part 4
Part 4 of 5:
Dealing with Anxiety
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1Maintain a social network. Sometimes feelings of anxiety or depression might make you want to isolate yourself. However, your social ties are one of the keys to maintaining a healthy emotional balance.[27] Talk to your friend and family members when you begin to feel overwhelmed, and let them help you process your emotions. While it isn't making yourself emotionally numb per se, you will be able to recover more quickly.
- The quality of your friendships matters more than the quantity.[28]
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2Take positive action. Sometimes you might get anxious when there is a situation that you cannot control. Rather than stewing about it, you should try to take decisive action in order to improve the situation. Resist the urge to detach: that will simply make you feel more stressed out for longer.[29]
- For example, if you are stressed out about an upcoming exam, don't try to forget about it. Instead, tell yourself that you will study for 20 minutes a day: that will help you overcome your anxiety.
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3Tell yourself that stress is only temporary. It is important to remember that most stressful events will be over soon: they do not last forever. Whether it is a party you don't want to attend, an exam you don't want to take, or a work project you despise, tell yourself that the stressful situation will pass. Do not feel like your whole life is wrapped up in one moment of stress.[30] [31]
- Things like psychotherapy, meditation, regular exercise, and regular time in the sun may help you manage your stress better.[32]
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4Take a break. Sometimes you are better equipped to deal with stress after you have allowed yourself a brief time to recover. If you are beginning to feel completely overwhelmed, spend just 20-30 minutes taking a walk, talking to a friend, or listening to your favorite album. Return to the stressful situation once you feel calmer and ready to face it head-on.[33]
- Just changing your environment for as little as 30 minutes can be helpful. For example, you could go outside.
- You will be especially relaxed if you engage in an activity that involves being social (such as getting a coffee with friends) or being outside (such as walking around a lake). These can be more effective than television at getting you calmed down and rejuvenated.[34]
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Part 5
Part 5 of 5:
When Should You Try This?
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1Try muting your emotions when you're facing a challenge. Heightened emotions can sometimes get in the way when you're trying to deal with a high-stress situation. For example, if you've got to give a big speech or presentation, fear might cloud your ability to think clearly and execute your delivery. Knowing how to mute that sense of fear can come in handy when you have to overcome challenges at work and school.
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2Put your emotions temporarily aside when you have a decision to make. Emotions have a role to play in decision-making, but sometimes it's important to set them aside and assess other factors. For example, maybe you feel devastated after a breakup and are tempted to move to a new city so you don't have to see your ex. If you're able to see beyond the sadness and weigh other factors, you might be less likely to drop everything and leave.
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3Numb your emotions when you're in a situation you can't control. Numbing your emotions can be a useful defense mechanism. Maybe there's a bully at school, or you have a sibling with whom you don't get along. If you're in a situation that's tough to change, you can protect yourself by temporarily shutting off your feelings to help you get through the day.
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4Avoid cutting yourself off from your emotions too often. We feel emotions for a reason. They are essential to navigating the world and, ultimately, surviving with our mental health intact. If you routinely numb your emotions, you're cutting yourself off from experiences that your mind needs to feel. Fear, sadness, despair, and other emotions that don't feel good to experience are nevertheless just as important as joy and excitement. If you don't let yourself feel sad, it'll be harder and harder to feel happy. Rather than numbing your emotions, learn to get in touch with them and use them to your advantage.
- Becoming emotionless, or out-of-touch with your emotions, can cause you to make bad decisions.[35]
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I be more emotionally intelligent?
Adam Dorsay, PsyDDr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx SpeakerTry to view your emotions as a second language. Learn more about your emotions, recognize that you might be a little clumsy with them at first, and be patient with yourself. Instead of saying "I don't want to be emotional," set a goal like "I want to be more in control of my emotions" or "I want to learn from my emotions." -
QuestionI just want to stop feeling everything. It's too overwhelming. When I push everything inside, it just explodes later, and I may have harmed myself because of this. What is wrong with me?
Paul Chernyak, LPCPaul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
Licensed Professional CounselorBeing on both ends of the emotional spectrum isn't healthy. It would be best for you to see a mental health professional, who can help you determine the causes of your emotional turmoil. You may have a possible trauma that has not been dealt with. It's also a good idea to get a physical exam to eliminate any physical causes for your overwhelming feelings. -
QuestionIs it the best choice to be emotionally numb when you're always facing emotional blackmail?Paul Chernyak, LPCPaul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
Licensed Professional CounselorYou should only numb your emotions temporarily and for a short period of time. Eventually, you will need to deal with the underlying issues that are causing your unpleasant emotions.
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Warnings
- Emotional numbness can sometimes be a sign of a more serious mental disorder. If you have lost the ability to feel happiness, surprise, or pleasure, talk to a doctor about treatment options.[36]⧼thumbs_response⧽
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References
- ↑ https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability/transcript?language=en
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201502/5-ways-get-your-unwanted-emotions-under-control
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/emotional-and-psychological-trauma.htm
- ↑ http://www.webmd.com/depression/symptoms-depressed-anxiety-12/emotional-symptoms
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201502/5-ways-get-your-unwanted-emotions-under-control
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201502/5-ways-get-your-unwanted-emotions-under-control
- ↑ http://www.techinsider.io/quitting-facebook-will-make-you-happier-and-less-stressed-study-2015-11
- ↑ http://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2014/02/06/how-successful-people-stay-calm/
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2013/11/emotional-agility
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201506/7-characteristics-emotionally-strong-people
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201506/7-characteristics-emotionally-strong-people
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201506/7-characteristics-emotionally-strong-people
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201506/7-characteristics-emotionally-strong-people
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-carmen-harra/controlling-your-emotions_b_3654326.html
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-carmen-harra/controlling-your-emotions_b_3654326.html
- ↑ http://consumer.healthday.com/encyclopedia/depression-12/depression-news-176/depression-recovery-keeping-a-mood-journal-645064.html
- ↑ http://consumer.healthday.com/encyclopedia/depression-12/depression-news-176/depression-recovery-keeping-a-mood-journal-645064.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201502/5-ways-get-your-unwanted-emotions-under-control
- ↑ http://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/relaxation-techniques-breath-control-helps-quell-errant-stress-response
- ↑ Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker. Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.
- ↑ Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker. Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-carmen-harra/controlling-your-emotions_b_3654326.html
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.
- ↑ http://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2014/02/06/how-successful-people-stay-calm/
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/blue-light-has-a-dark-side
- ↑ http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx
- ↑ Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker. Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.
- ↑ http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx
- ↑ http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.
- ↑ Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker. Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.
- ↑ http://www.adaa.org/tips-manage-anxiety-and-stress
- ↑ http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/anxiety_tips.html
- ↑ Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker. Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.
- ↑ http://consumer.healthday.com/encyclopedia/depression-12/depression-news-176/depression-recovery-keeping-a-mood-journal-645064.html
About This Article
Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Dr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 10 years of experience, and is now the Clinical Director at Coast Psychological Services in Los Angeles, California. She received her Doctor of Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2009. Her practice provides cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples. This article has been viewed 1,593,774 times.
Co-authors: 71
Updated: December 2, 2022
Views: 1,593,774
Categories: Emotional Detachment
Article SummaryX
To make yourself emotionally numb to help you get through extremely trying times, avoid people, places, or things that may trigger you to feel worse. In addition to avoiding triggers, distract yourself with an activity that requires your focus, like playing a video game, going to a concert, exercising, or counting down from 100 in increments of 7. If you still feel yourself getting upset or worked up, take deep breaths to become calm. Another method to help you numb your emotions is to get a good night’s sleep. Sleeplessness can make you feel more emotional, so be sure to get at least 8 hours of rest each night to help keep your emotions in check. To learn how to act neutral to feel more emotionally numb, keep reading!
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