How to Make Your Wife Happy

Co-authored by Jin S. Kim, MA

Last Updated: April 29, 2021

Marriage is wonderful, but it takes work. Whether you are newlyweds or have been married for a long time, there are rough patches in any marriage. If you feel like you need to up your game, there are some steps you can follow to make your wife happier every day.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Doing Things For Her

1
Appreciate her. Married couples can get comfortable with each other. This makes them lose some of the intense connection that made them get married in the first place. To prevent this from happening to you, tell you wife everyday how much you appreciate her. When she walks into a room, let her know that you know she is there. Give her a passionate kiss when you both wake up in the morning or she comes home from work. Let her know that you know she is there and still feel the connection between the two of you.
- Try to hug her as well. Hugging is a simple physical connection that conveys how much you love her and that you appreciate her being around.
2
Tell her you love her. Something as simple as telling your wife you love her can make her happy. Everyday life can get crazy and small things like this can get lost in the shuffle. You may say it everyday out of habit, but say it like you mean it. Look her in the eyes before you leave the house and tell her you love her. Let her know that you are saying it because you feel it and not out of habit. She knows deep down you love her but hearing you say it with conviction will make her feel it too.
- Pair this with an affectionate gesture, such as a hug, a kiss, or a caress. Keep it romantic but not sexual. You want her to feel that you still want to court her every day, just like you did before you were married.^{[1]
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3
Buy her a gift. Surprise your wife every so often with a gift. It doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive. You can give her a small present that lets her know you were thinking about her. Show up at home with a box of chocolates. Pick her a bouquet of flowers on your way home from work. Buy her that book she has in her online wishlist. Notice what she says she'd like to have and surprise her by buying it for her. Not only will she love the gift you give her, she will be happy that you thought enough about her to get it.^{[2]
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- The gifts don't have to be bought. Anything you do for her that is unexpected will work. Surprise her by cooking her favorite meal. Do all the laundry because you know she hates doing it. You can even take the kids out of the house so she can have some time with her friends.^{[3]
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4
Say thank you. A marriage can sometimes suffer from conversations that go something like "I did this, so you have to do that." Don't let your actions towards one another feel like they are payback for some other action. Instead, find time everyday to tell your wife thank you for the things she does. Say it in the morning when she puts on the pot of coffee. Tell her thank you when she picks up the dry cleaning after work when you have a meeting. No matter what the occasion, let her know that you see what she does for you.
- Try to say it even when it's something simple. Tell her "Thank you for being you." or "Thank you for being the best wife a man could have." This lets her know it isn't just what she does for you that you are thankful for.^{[4]
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5
Give her space. You were both single people before you got married. Just because you now share a life doesn't mean that you have to share every interest you both have with each other. Give her time to write all day in the den if she wants. Let her go to the gym by herself. Give her the space she needs to work on the interests that she has that are separate from you. She will appreciate the time to recharge and be happier for it.
- Don't take it personally when she wants to do something without you. Just because she wants to go to the bookstore alone doesn't mean that she doesn't love you. Encourage her to do the things she wants to do and do the same yourself. If you have happy as individuals, you will be happier as a couple.^{[5]
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6
Let her decide. There are many small decisions in a marriage everyday. It can be something small like choosing what you have for dinner. Ask her what she wants to have for dinner. Let her choose what movie you see on date night. Give her the remote when you sit down to watch TV at night. Play her favorite game on game night. Letting her know that her opinion matters and that you care enough about her to let her decide will make her happy.
- Don't grumble or act upset about what she chooses. That will just make her angry and make you seem like a spoiled sport.
7
Write her love letters. Writing love letters may seem scary, but it is a simple and effective way to make her happy. You don't have to be a gifted writer, just tell her how you feel. Let her know the things about her that you love and how she makes you feel. Tell her that you can't imagine your life without her in it. Explain how you don't work right without her in your life. Keep it simple by telling her how her laugh is the best sound in the world or how much you love the way her hair tickles you at night when you sleep.
- Hide them around the house in locations she is likely to find them. Put one in her makeup bag or under her pillow before you both go to sleep. They will be a nice surprise for her and will make her happy all day long.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Working On Your Relationship

1
Compliment her to others. When you and your wife meet new people, introduce her in a complimentary way. Use phrases like, "Let me introduce you to my beautiful wife." or "Here is my better half." This lets her know how much she means to you. She will also realize that you want to tell others how much she means to you.
- You should do this when she isn't around as well. When you are having a coffee break at work, bring up how great of a cook your wife is or how she just got a huge promotion at work. She will be a star at your next office party and she will know how much you love and admire her. Plus, your coworkers and friends will see how great you two are as a couple and treat you both better because of it.^{[6]
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2
Have a standing date night. Going out on dates often get lost in the daily shuffle of married life. Make it a point to have a standing date night with your wife every week. Do something that you both like to do. Try something new on each date night. Go to the movies. Go out for dinner and dancing. It can even be something as simple as a night in without the distractions of everyday life. Turn off your cell phones and make the whole night about the two of you and how much you mean to each other. She will be happy to get away from everything and have a night alone with you.
- If you have kids, find a reliable babysitter so you won't have to worry about them for the night. This will allow you two to focus on each other completely.
- It doesn't have to be every week if you are both too busy with work and family. Make sure there isn't too many weeks between the dates and make them frequent. Don't do it once or twice and then forget to have another one.
3
Take care of yourself. When you have been married for awhile, you can let certain parts of yourself go because you get so comfortable with the other person. Show your wife how much she means to you by looking your best for her. Don't just dress up for a special occasion. Make an effort to look nice for her around the house. Wear a nice pair of jeans and a clean shirt to dinner at night instead of your holey sweatpants. It will make her feel special and make her happy.^{[7]
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4
Offer help. Ask your wife what you can help her with. Whether it is with the dishes at night or with the children after school, ask her what you can do to make it easier. Take the shopping cart back to the rack after you've gone grocery shopping. Offer to do carpool for the kids on a day she has a presentation at work. It can even be as simple as asking her if you can help take some of the weight off of her by letting her know you are there for her.
- Don't wait for her to tell you when things need to be done. If you see a sink full of dishes, don't ask her to help. Just start washing them.
- Make sure you do this on a normal basis. Doing it once is nice, but making a habit of it will make your wife happier everyday.^{[8]
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5
Tell her news first. When something big happens, tell your wife first. Let her know that she is the most important person in your life. If you get a promotion at work, don't call your buddy and tell him how awesome you are. Wait until you get home from work to tell your wife about it. Then you can tell everyone else. She will know that she matters to you and that will make her happy.^{[9]
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6
Listen to her. When your wife comes to you with a problem, listen to what she has to say. Don't talk over her, expressing your ire at the situation or talk about how you want to fix it. If she tells you that she is having a problem with someone taking credit for her work at her job, don't start ranting about how unfair it is. You will stop listening to what she has to say and take away the opportunity for her to vent. Let her rage and complain to you, getting out her frustrations.
- Let her know you are listening by nodding along as she complains. Having you there supporting her is what she wants and will make her happy.
- Keep your replies simple and heartfelt. You can say something like, "That sucks, sweetie. I'm really sorry." This lets her know that you understand how bad the situation is.^{[10]
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7
Show affection in public. Some of the initial romance can go out of a relationship once you are married. Bring back some of the early simple forms of affection. Hold her hand as you are walking down the street together. Put your arm around her when you are out to dinner. Kiss her gently as you are waiting to cross the street. These little moments of affection will let her know how much she means to you. She will also know that you don't mind if other people know it.
- Keep the affection simple and appropriate. You don't want to make out with her in full view of everyone in a restaurant. Make sure whatever you do is comfortable for both of you.
8
Do things for her in the bedroom. Sexual connection is important in any strong marriage. Don't fall into a routine of having sex at the same time and place every week. Being married gives you time to explore and figure out exactly what she wants and needs from you to please her every desire. Ask her what she wants to do in the bedroom. Mix things up by trying something new and exciting to make her happy.
- Tell her often how much you enjoy being sexually intimate with her. Let her know that you are having the best sex of your life with her.^{[11]
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9
Work on intimacy and passion outside the bedroom. Although sexual intimacy is important, there are ways to show passion and intimacy outside of the bedroom.Something simple like seeking her advice about a problem you have at work will bring intimacy to your relationship. Show her how passionate you are about her by taking her in your arms and kissing her while she's doing laundry. Cuddle with her on the couch while you both read a book or listen to music. The closer the two of you are, the happier your wife will be.
- Set aside time each day to connect with your wife. It can be having a cup of coffee or tea together first thing in the morning while you talk about what you have planned for the day. It can be time after dinner where you talk about anything that happened to you that day. Just try to make sure you check in with her every day to let her know you care.
- Passion and intimacy is different for every couple. Find what works best for your wife. Look for times when you can connect with her. Talk to her about what she wants and needs from you to feel closer to you.^{[12]
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10
Talk to her. Always being silent with your wife will make her feel disconnected from you. Talk to her about how you are feeling. Be open and honest about what you think and feel on a daily basis. Tell her when you feel insecure or upset about something. Let her know if she is hurting your feelings or making you happy. The more honest you are with her, the closer and happier you will be as a couple.^{[14]
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- If you have a hard time expressing her feelings, do the best you can. If she sees that you are making the effort, she will know how much you care.

Expert Q&A
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Question

What else can I try? I have heard about love languages?

Jin S. Kim, MA
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Jin Kim is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based out of Los Angeles, California. Jin specializes in working with LGBTQ individuals, people of color, and those that may have challenges related to reconciling multiple and intersectional identities. Jin received his Masters in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles, with a specialization in LGBT-Affirming Psychology, in 2015.

Jin S. Kim, MA

Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Learn your wife's love language to make her feel really special. Your love language is the way you prefer to express and receive love. Once you know your partner's love language, use that knowledge to figure out what would make her feel really special. Don't be shy about being creative and thinking outside of the box—the element of surprise can go a long way.
Question

How can I maintain a healthy relationship with my wife?

Jin S. Kim, MA
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Jin Kim is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based out of Los Angeles, California. Jin specializes in working with LGBTQ individuals, people of color, and those that may have challenges related to reconciling multiple and intersectional identities. Jin received his Masters in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles, with a specialization in LGBT-Affirming Psychology, in 2015.

Jin S. Kim, MA

Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

One of the most important things you can do to build and maintain a healthy relationship is to work on your communication. Try to regularly express your feelings to each other. During a conflict, you can reduce tension by using "I-statements," identifying triggers that lead to escalations, and considering your partner's communication style when you address the issues that led to that conflict.