How to Make People Instantly Like You

Master the art of building rapport in the blink of an eye

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Last Updated: November 7, 2022 References Approved

Nearly everyone wants to be liked, even many people who swear they don't care. To make people instantly like you, you'll need to develop engaging conversational skills, create a friendly and attractive appearance, show enthusiasm appropriate to the situation, and make the people you're with feel comfortable and appreciated. There's no way to guarantee that any strategy will earn instant popularity or friends, but practicing these basic ideas should help boost your social life in most circumstances.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Conversation Skills

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Be funny, but don't act like a complete idiot. The class clown is usually a pretty popular kid, as is the prankster who's always making people laugh. Being genuinely funny is a hard thing to do, but it's an important part of getting other people to like you. Act funny and go with the joke the other person says. And don't constantly joke around or do pranks or the other person will get annoyed, bored, or frustrated with the pranks you are doing.
2
Remember one rule: People are interested in themselves. The first step of getting people to like you is simple. All you have to do is be interested in them. Talk to people about themselves.^{[1]
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Research source} Lead the conversation, making sure that it stays about them and they believe that they're the one in charge.
- Find out what they're interested in and seek to learn more. For example, you're talking with someone and they drop the hint that they went rock-climbing over the weekend.
  - Ask the person more questions about this hobby: "How did you get started rock-climbing?" or "What do you like about rock-climbing?" or "Where is the coolest place you've ever gone rock-climbing?"
- These questions will lead to answers, and you can ask more questions or develop a conversation based on that. Regardless, the other person will be impressed that you're so interested in them, and glad that they get to talk about something they actually care about.
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3
Talk about positive things. By and large, people want to be happy more than sad, so positive things are happier to talk about than negative things. Talking about negative things or complaining too much can put the person you're talking to in an uncomfortable position and sometimes leads the conversation astray. Instead, focus on sharing the happy or positive aspects of your life for other people to enjoy or relate to.^{[2]
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- Talk about what you love doing, and show sincere enthusiasm. Even if people know next to nothing about what you love doing, they'll be happy if you're happy explaining it. That happiness is infectious. So the person you're talking to knows next to nothing about Tom Ford clothing, but you can make them interested in the topic by showing your love for fashion and your expertise in explaining it to someone who doesn't know.
- Stay away from "danger topics" like religion and politics if you're meeting somebody for the first time. Most people will automatically judge you if you happen to share different beliefs about religion or politics, so it's best to leave those discussions for a later time.^{[3]
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- If you want to talk about something negative or bad that happened to you, make it a funny story. Humor is a great way to get people to instantly like you, especially when you can turn a horrific or boring story into something that's lighthearted and exciting. Look at yourself and find the humor in your life. It's okay to make fun of yourself if everyone knows that you're not taking yourself seriously.
- Develop your own sense of humor. Some people are really good at physical comedy — impressions, slapstick, vaudeville. Others have more of a dry sense of humor, preferring puns and wisecracks and cynicism. Figure out what kind of humor you're good at so that you can call it your own.
- Find humor in the things that other people have missed. Really good humor often comes from the stuff that's right in front of our eyes, but that everyone else hasn't noticed. Take notice of the funny things that happen to you and write them down or store them in your memory. When the time comes and the subject is right, unleash them on your friends.
- Bounce back from failed jokes. Some jokes will miss their mark and not end up being funny. But the great part about this is that no one ever remembers the jokes that weren't funny! People only remember the ones that were. So as soon as you get discouraged about telling a bad joke or missing the timing on a joke, remember that you'll have another chance at it soon and make the best of it.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Looking Good

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Pay attention to body language. Your body language is like another you screaming signals that other people pick up on without ever really noticing. A lot of our body language happens without us even knowing about it — it's subconscious. Training your body to recognize the body language it gives off is an important part of being likable.^{[4]
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- Don't forget eye contact whenever you talk to anyone. The eyes are an incredibly potent part of our body. Use them well! Making eye contact with someone tells them that you're engaged in what they have to say and interested in them. If your eyes are constantly darting around or looking down at the ground, that says that you're distracted or not confident. However, don't look at them all of the time. Breaking eye contact for a short time breaks the stress that might build up and relax both the parties.
- Smile. It's as simple as that. Separate studies found that people who smiled were seen to be more trustworthy and that people who smiled more outlived people who smiled less.^{[5]
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  Research source} Smile from your eyes, as if you're truly happy to be meeting someone or speaking to someone.
- Look alert. Make sure you do not look like you are wrapped up in yourself, or distracted by some other thing. When meeting a new person it is vital to communicate that you are interested in them. Give yourself a pep talk before entering the room, or drink a small glass of coffee, or get focused in a way that suits you.
- Avoid the unconscious body language that signals boredom or disinterest. Crossing your arms at your chest tells other people that you're bored and don't want to be talked to. Sighing heavily means that you're disgusted or frustrated. Tapping your feet repeatedly means that you're in a hurry. Clenching a fist means that you're nervous or angry.
2
Look like a friendly and attractive person. This does not mean you have to have to dress in the same way as everyone else does. You just need to look open, honest, natural, friendly, outgoing and clean. This is important because most people make a judgment about someone that they meet for the first time within the first thirty seconds of meeting them.
- Be clean and have good hygiene. Having shampooed hair, kept nails, clean teeth, and fresh-smelling pits really makes you more appealing to the people around you. Guys, if you choose to wear facial hair, that doesn't mean you don't have to groom it.
- Wear nice clothes. You don't need the wardrobe of a model to be well put-together. Stick with classic, dependable clothes rather than trendy and flashy ones. It's easy to look good in clothes that never become obsolete, so invest in them.
  - If money is an issue, then invest in one nice article of clothing every time you can afford. Chances are you'll keep it for a long time and you can slowly build a closet's worth of great clothes around it.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Going Beyond Words

1
Make your conversation partner comfortable. This all depends on your partner's definition of "comfortable," but a lot of things apply here. Put in the extra effort to make the other person feel special. Everyone wants to feel special when they're being talked to, so keep that in mind.
- Make appropriate physical contact from time to time. Maybe this will mean shaking hands or even possibly greeting people in a slightly more intimate way. If you appear confident, positive, and non-threatening in your gestures, people will most likely take well to you reaching out.
  - Patting someone on the back is usually acceptable among men, while hugging is generally acceptable among women. Be careful what kind of physical contact you give to the opposite sex: Women can give men the wrong signal with an innocent attempt to be friendly, while men can scare women off in the same way.
- Don't be afraid to flirt a little if the situation is appropriate. People love romantic attention. It makes them feel special. Flirting is a good way to get closer to people.
  - Women can flirt by making eye contact with a subject and smiling; men can flirt with subjects by complimenting their physical features, making jokes, or buying them drinks.
2
Be energetic and enthusiastic. You know what works well about you and what doesn't. Whatever you do, be energetic and enthusiastic. Let your voice, your body, and your confidence show that.
- Give a lively and pleasant tone to your voice. Moderate the pitch in your voice so that it has a lot of energy and emotion. (Radio DJs do this well, although it's probably not a great idea to sound exactly like a radio DJ.)
  - Try not to stammer or say too many "Ahs" or "Ums". It's a sign of nervousness. If you find yourself stammering a lot, slow your speech down. Rehearse the gist of what you're going to say in your head before you say it.
  - Men can try to lower their voices if it's natural. Studies have shown that men with lower voices attract more sexual partners. Don't, however, try to do this if it doesn't feel right. It's much better to keep your voice calm and relaxed than it is to change it to something it's not.
- Just be yourself. Finally, the golden rule of making people like you. You can modify things about you, but you can't change your personality. You are who you are. And that's great, because that person is special in ways that no other person is, and so are you.
- Compliment them and tell them what you like about them.^{[6]
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- Be open and direct. Tell them that you would like to know more about them and ask them if they would like to go out with you.^{[7]
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Community Q&A

Question

No-one seems to want to talk to me or be friends with me. On the bus today I was trying to be funny and my friend said "Stop! That is why no one likes you". I was crying because usually that is what people say about me and it hurts my feelings and I just want to die. Please give advice.

Community Answer

You do not need those kinds of friends; they're not the best you can do and your so-called friend's comment was mean. Look for shy or quiet people, who are nice people inside, and reach out in friendship. Look where no one else does because there are some really good people out there that no one even looks twice at. And you are worth it, so feel proud of yourself and wipe away those tears!
Question

How can I make my mother happy? I'm a tween and my mom is going through rough times.

Community Answer

Let your mom know that you are there for her and will always be. Help her also to see that there are still people in her life who love her, such as her siblings, cousins, parents, friends or whoever else is relevant. Try not to stress her out too much, do as many chores as you can to help out, stay calm and speak quietly if you need to raise issues with her and help others see what your mom is going through by talking to them. Most of all, show your mom lots of love.
Question

People call me annoying. How do I deal with it?

Community Answer

Determine first whether there is any validity to their comments. Sometimes the truth resides in such a comment, especially where various different people are telling you this. For example, are you being clingy, too talkative, nosy or acting as if everything is a drama? If so, these things annoy other people. However, if you consider they're just being mean or dismissive, ignore the comment and stay confident. In some cases, you might just be the target of a smear campaign if a group of ex-friends is trying to push you aside. Most of all, be honest in your self-assessment!