How to Make Friends as an Adult

Co-authored by Kevin Wang

Last Updated: March 5, 2023 References

Your job and other responsibilities may keep you busy as an adult, and it can be difficult to make friends when you aren't in a position to socialize every day. To make friends as an adult, the first thing you need to do is learn how to meet new people. After you've made a new acquaintance, you'll need to transform that relationship into a friendship.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Part One: Meeting New People

1
Attend an organized group or club. If you want to meet new people, you'll need to go where the people are. Most people find it easier to meet and make new friends in small group settings, so an interest group is often a better choice than a club or bar.^{[1]
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Research source} Groups that allow you to engage with the same group of people regularly are more likely to result in friendships.
- Pursue your own hobbies and interests. Depending on your interests, you could join a writing group, book club, bowling league (or similar adult sports league), gym, photography club, or cooking class. Getting involved in activities you can enjoy will help you meet people with similar interests.
- Get involved with your child's school by joining the PTA or becoming a chaperone on field trips. This can be a great way to meet other parents.
- Go to a house of worship. If you believe in a certain religion, start attending a church, synagogue, mosque, etc. If you already go to church, get involved with any religious study groups, volunteer activities, or social events the church sets up.
2
Utilize local social networks. No matter where you live, you're probably not the only adult interested in making new friends. Look for local groups and activities designed for the sole purpose of bringing strangers together.^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source} Choose activities and groups that you have an interest in. You will automatically have something in common with the other people.
- This option works especially well for extroverts who don't mind large group settings.
- Organizations like this usually arrange a variety of activities, from cocktail mixtures to ski trips.
- If you don't know where to start looking, head online and check out daily deal services (Groupon, LivingSocial) or socializing services (Meetup.com).
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3
Volunteer. Ask yourself if there are any causes you feel especially compassionate about and look for volunteer opportunities that deal with those causes. You may make friends with the people you help or with some of the other volunteers. If you are shy, volunteering is good way to practice your social skills and talking to people that you do not know.^{[3]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
4
Ask someone to set you up. Go to coworkers, relatives, or friends you already have and ask if they know of anyone you might get along with. Make it clear that you're only interested in meeting a platonic friend, not a romantic partner. Similarly, if someone suggests a friend to you without being asked, follow up and meet the person.
- A blind “friend date” may or may not be successful, but in each instance, you'll never know unless you try.
5
Take a walk. Nowadays, few people really take the time to meet the people living around them. Go for a walk in your neighborhood and greet the people you pass. There might be someone you can get along with living closer than you realize. If you have a dog, be sure to take it with you on your walk. Most people love animals, and someone who wouldn't approach you when you're on your own might approach you if it means meeting a friendly furry companion.^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- If you do not have a dog, volunteer to walk dogs from an animal shelter or rescue group.
6
Chat with strangers. Make light conversation with the people around you as you go about your usual errands. Some people might act uncomfortable, but others may reciprocate your goodwill and start talking back. Think of every meeting as a chance to make a new acquaintance. For instance, talk to people in line at the grocery store or while standing at the gas pump.
- Going up to strangers is one of the most difficult ways to meet new people and can be difficult if you are shy or have difficulty starting random conversations.^{[5]
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7
Explore the city on your own. Too many people let the fact that they're alone stop them from enjoying all that their city has to offer. Force yourself out into the world without worrying about how it looks when you're by yourself. Visit places you enjoy. Go to a museum or head to a restaurant that serves your favorite cuisine, even if it's not an especially popular one. It'll be easier to run into people who have something in common with you.^{[6]
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HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
8
Be a regular at spots you like. Few people will approach a stranger the first time they see him or her. If you become a familiar face at someone's favorite hangout, though, the other individual might become curious and eventually approach you.^{[7]
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Research source} Choose a location with regular traffic yet small crowds.
- For example, head to a local coffee shop every Saturday at 11 AM or a low-key pub every Thursday evening at 7 PM. Repeat the process for several weeks to several months.
9
Look approachable. No matter where you go, greet the people you pass or see with a smile. Your body language needs to convey friendliness. Others are much more likely to approach someone who seems friendly than someone who seems grumpy or distant.^{[8]
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- Crossing your arms and/or legs and looking down make you less approachable and like you do not want to be bothered.
10
Be open. You might expect your new friends to be similar to you in terms of age, gender, and circumstance, but if you limit yourself to that one demographic, you may accidentally pass someone by who you'd get along with surprisingly well.^{[9]
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Research source} Just because you are single does not mean all of your friends have to be single. Build friendships based on common interests instead.
- For example, you might meet a neighbor 20 years older than you who happens to share your love for cooking and gardening, or you could make friends with someone 20 years younger than you who frequents the same museums and coffee shops.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Part Two: Turning Acquaintances into Friends

1
Figure out if the other person is interested. Before you put yourself out there, try to gauge if the other person is interested in making new friends as well. Does the person ask you questions about yourself? Is the conversation limited to small talk or goes beyond the surface? Does the person give you his or her attention when you are around?^{[10]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- If you can answer yes to these questions, the person is likely open to building a friendship.
- If the answer is no, maybe this person is not open to building a friendship at this point.
2
Ask about the other person's plans. Show an interest in how your acquaintance spends his or her free time. Ask about what he or she did the previous weekend or plans to do over the upcoming one.Showing a genuine interest in an acquaintance's social life signifies that you may not mind being a part of it.
- Pay attention to the person when you interact with them. You will make more friends by showing that you are interested in the person than trying to make the person be interested in you.^{[11]
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- This might reassure your acquaintance that you would be open to an invitation if one is extended to you.
3
Invite the person to hang out. Instead of waiting for the other person to make a move, make the first move yourself. Think about an activity your acquaintance might enjoy and ask if he or she would be interested in doing it with you over the weekend. If you have primarily spending time with the person in the confines of a group (e.g. club, organization, volunteering, etc.), you need need to invite the person to hang out outside of the confines of the group.^{[12]
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- Spending one-on-one time is key to building the friendship.
- You can simply say, "Hey, what are you doing on Saturday? Do you want to try out this new restaurant?"
- Making informal invitations is a good way to determine if someone is interested in becoming friends, but it won't actually be enough to make someone your friend. You'll need to take the extra step and actually invite them out.
- Accept invitations as well. You might be hesitant to accept it depending on the circumstances, but unless you have a good reason not to—like a prior commitment or a moral objection to the activity being suggested—it's better to take the risk than to pass the opportunity by.
- Spending time with an acquaintance can be a good way to help your relationship grow into an actual friendship, even if the activity planned for the day usually isn't something you'd plan for yourself.
- If you've been invited to a group event—a birthday party, a company picnic, drinks after work—you may even find yourself meeting and befriending someone there other than the person who invited you.
4
Disclose your feelings. The older you get, the more upfront you should be about your desire to become friends with someone.Directly telling someone that you want to be friends can break the ice, making it easier for your acquaintance to tell you where he or she stands, too. Suggest an activity that you would like to do with the person as well. Say, "I'm going to _____ would you like to come?" If the person does not want to be friends, it will be easier for them to turn down the activity instead of turning down you as a person.^{[13]
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- There's no shame in telling someone, "We have a lot in common; let's try to be friends." The key is to phrase your desire as something mutually beneficial so that you don't come across as being needy or awkward. The former statement sounds much better than, "Would you please be my friend?"
5
Talk about deep topics. Casual conversation is fine for acquaintances, but if you want to turn this acquaintance into a friend, you'll need to drop the light stuff and start a heavier conversation. Vulnerability separates acquaintances from actual friends. You must be willing to open yourself up to other people.^{[14]
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- Start talking about your values. You don't need to reject someone whose perspective is different from yours, but it's often easier to connect with people who share your values and convictions. This may mean turning some people off, but it'll ultimately allow you to build deeper connections.
- Get personal. Tell people about yourself. Explain what motivated you to pursue your current career path or describe the sorts of activities you do in your free time. Ask your acquaintances more about their lives, as well.
- You should be honest with yourself throughout the process, too. Don't force yourself to spend hours on a topic your acquaintance loves even though you have no interest in it.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Part Three: Being Persistent and Consistent

1
Try not to take rejection personally. Rejection is always a possibility when you put yourself out there. You will not like everyone you meet and vice versa. If rejection happens, have a healthy outlook.^{[15]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source} A person may decline your invitation for many reasons.
- A person may be too busy to hang out or have prior commitments.
- If someone does reject you, it is not because something is wrong with you. Maybe the two of you were not a good fit.
- Be proud of yourself for trying to make friends and try to learn something from the experience.
- Keep trying to befriend the same acquaintance.^{[16]
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  Research source} Try to make plans with someone a couple of times before giving up.. The only time you should give up sooner is if you're given a clear indication that your goodwill isn't wanted.
- Keep trying to make friends with other people. Even if one person rejects your friendship completely, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. After you've given up on one person, continue trying to make friends out of your other acquaintances.
2
Be brave. Making new friends is exciting and scary at the same time. Try different strategies to meet new people. The hardest part is actually going to that first group meeting and getting out of the house. It is okay to be nervous, just push through your feelings and go..
- There will be times when you look silly, are embarrassed, or feel awkward. Some interactions will go really well and others will not. All of that is perfectly fine, and it is not a big deal.^{[17]
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3
Stop soothing yourself with social media. Social media is great in a lot of ways, but oftentimes, it acts as a crutch that prevents people from pushing themselves into real life social situations. When you feel lonely, turn off your computer and head out, call up a friend, or try to meet with an acquaintance. You must get out of the house to meet people and form friendships.
- Social media websites offer the greatest benefit when they keep you more connected to your friends. If your social media accounts only give you an excuse to avoid real, meaningful contact with people, they're doing more harm than good.
4
Maintain a realistic attitude. Forming friendships is a process. Both you and the other person must put in time and effort.^{[18]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source} It usually takes 6 to 8 significant interactions for people to come friends, and it may take years before you feel as if you can really confide in another person. Most adults have a fairly small social circle. Even when you've had some success, you may only be close with two or three different friends.
- You may have different friends to meet different needs in your life. Some friends are for regular happy hour or lunches, while you may go hiking with another friend.
- Working on a couple of close friendships or gathering a huge circle of casual friends are both options. Do whatever makes you happy.
5
Value your friends. Keep in touch with your old friends and continually work on your relationship with any new friends you make. If you have hung out with someone and had a good time, invite them out again and keep in touch. Some friendships will take more time to grow than others.^{[19]
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- Some of your new friendships may start out great and then burn out. This is completely normal.
- Try to schedule regular times to meet with your friends. If both of you are able to meet each Friday for an hour, go for it. For friends who are a bit busier, set aside at least one regular time to meet each month, like each second Sunday afternoon or every third Thursday evening.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I strengthen my bond with new friends?

Kevin Wang
Social Events Specialist
Kevin Wang is a Social Events Specialist and the Founder and CEO of Amiccio, a New York City social app and social events platform that helps people make new connections. Kevin’s work focuses on connecting singles and new friends by hosting socials, dance classes, and speed dating events. He holds a BS in Economics from Duke University.

Kevin Wang

Social Events Specialist

Expert Answer

Sharing memories and experiences together is one of the best ways to bond. Team sports, trips, and mini-excursions are all great ways to build some common ground. As you get closer with your new friends, you can also start joking around and teasing one another.