How to Learn to Let Go of Things

Last Updated: March 30, 2022 References

Letting go of past hurts and injustices can be difficult. People often want some sort of closure or revenge for having been hurt. Unfortunately, holding on to this kind of pain only makes things worse on you. To move on with your life, you have to let go of the past. Try to express your pain, forgive, and move on with your life.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Expressing Your Pain

1
Connect with another person. Go to social gatherings and spend time with friends or make new ones. Allowing yourself to have genuine connections with other people will start giving you positive experiences to talk about and relate to. These experiences can start shifting a negative mindset to a more optimistic one.^{[1]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- You may or may not talk to your friends about what is bothering you, but just knowing that they are there is reassuring.
- And if you decide to confide in someone you trust, you may experience some relief, or your friend's feedback may be useful.
2
Find a creative outlet. Create works of art to help your brain integrate emotions and thoughts. By creating something, you form new neural pathways in your brain and utilize your entire brain during the process. Aside from being a great way to pour your focus into something positive, creating a work of art can be healing.
- This does not have to be a “traditional” kind of art. You might choose to paint a picture, but you can create art in many other ways, too. For example, you could build a birdhouse as a creative project, or use online coloring apps or puzzles.
Advertisement
3
Discuss the situation with a professional. If your pain is severe and causes you to feel depressed, anxious, or otherwise mentally unstable, you should seek help from a mental health professional. You should also seek out a professional if you have dealt with the pain for a long time and still struggle to cope with the incident. Your doctor can refer you to a mental health professional.^{[2]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- The time required to heal from an incident can vary from incident to incident and person to person. For example, it may take you longer to heal after a parent dies than it takes someone to heal from losing their dog.
4
Join a support group. Support groups will allow you to connect directly with people who are struggling with the same pains. These groups will allow you to share your story and encourage others with similar stories. You will also be held accountable for taking steps to heal yourself since you will be talking about it at each meeting.^{[3]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Support groups are understanding of people working through all stages of pain. You will not be required to share or talk in most support groups.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Forgiving People Who Have Hurt You

1
Take time to remember the person. Whether the person is an ex, a friend, or a relative you need to take some time to remember your relationship. Remember the good parts as well as the bad parts. Make an effort to see the person as a whole and look past the one incident that has hurt you. Doing so will help you empathize with the person and forgive them.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- For example, if your friend said something that hurt you, acknowledge that the same friend has said things that made you happy before, too. You don’t have remain friends, but you will retain a level of respect for them as a person. Assess if only one or two things have been said, or if there has been a repetitive pattern over time.
- One good way to remember the person is to write them a letter. You do not need to send the letter to them, just writing it will allow you to think back on the good times and the bad times, and often you may release some of the pain you having been dealing with in the process.
2
Visualize yourself without that person. Think back to a time before you were hurt by this person. Remember the person you were before you met that person. Imagine the person that you would like to be without that person in your life. Having a clear picture of what you want in life can make it easier to let go of a painful relationship.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- Friends are difficult to let go. Still, partners and family can often be even harder relationships to move past. Motivate yourself to move past the relationship by having a clear picture of the life you want to live.
3
Move on with your life. Let go of the things or people that have hurt you in the past. Holding onto this hurt only hurts you, not the person. This hurt can also be carried over to new relationships, friendships, and even careers. Learn a lesson from this pain, but forgive the person and move on, and remember that forgiving does not mean that you return to having the same degree of connection or intimacy. It has more to do with freeing yourself up.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- Forgive an old partner for hurting you in a relationship.
- Forgive a friend that did something wrong.
- Forgive your family members for things that happened in your childhood.
4
Focus your mind on the present. Avoid venturing down the road of asking “What if?” Thinking emotionally about the past instead of factually about the present will leave you in pain. Put up pictures and other adornments that reflect your life now, not your old life.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- For example, take down pictures of you and your old lover and put up pictures of you with your friends.
- You can also use quotes or mantras to inspire yourself to focus on the present. For example, when you feel like dwelling on the past, you could repeat something like “To be happy now, I have to think about now.”

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Releasing Stress and Frustration

1
Learn how to meditate. Spend time each day clearing your head through meditation. Choose a meditation technique that works for you, and find a quiet space away from any distractions. The goal of your meditation is to be present and mindful of your current life and avoid dwelling on the pain or negativity.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- Consider using a guided meditation if you are new to meditation.
2
Use deep breathing exercises. Practicing deep breathing reduces cortisol levels in your body. Cortisol is the hormone that your body creates when you are stressed. Deep breathing will also help to reduce your blood pressure. This will help you feel better physically and emotionally.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- When you are healthier and feel better, you can focus on the positive more easily.
3
Do something positive. Counter the negative stress in your life by adding something positive to your life. Take the time that you spend having negative thoughts and channel that energy into something positive and productive. This will also create less time to have negative thoughts.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Volunteer at a local food bank or non-profit organization.
- Consider new job possibilities if you current job is too stressful.
- Join a club or a local sports team.
4
Find an outlet to release stress. Your outlet should be something that you enjoy doing. Anything from exercise to art can help you let go of stress. You can also use your outlet as an opportunity to meet and interact with new people.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- For example, you might take an art class or spend time with new friends at the gym.