How to Know when Not to Volunteer

Stop offering to volunteer if you do not have the time. If you cannot devote the necessary time, be aware you only have so much time to devote to anything. Volunteering is no different. You can create problems for other volunteers by not turning up often. It is also disruptive to have your absences occur at key moments when you said you'd do something but were unable to follow through. It's better not to offer at all than to let someone down.^[1]

• Recognize that if you commit to a certain amount or time, you sacrifice something else. While it might be something worthwhile, other times, it may be something valuable like helping your children with homework or spending time with them.
• Be cautious about visiting nursing home residents. Lonely elderly people will quickly become dependent on your visits and won't understand if you stop showing up.

Decline if you are already over-committed to volunteering. If you are already on a parent's board, making cookies for each bake sale, and helping adults to learn English, in addition to working full-time, the added stress may have a negative impact on your life. Do not feel obliged to take on more, even if somebody asks. Volunteer overload is not good for you, your family, or your work colleagues, and it certainly isn't good for the volunteer organization that can't rely on your attendance because you're overbooked. You may explain to the asking organization why you cannot extend yourself at the time, and remind them that you are open to volunteering in the future, when your current obligations have been met. However, you do not owe any explanation whatsoever. You can simply say "I am not available".^[2]

Avoid volunteer activities for which you don't have the temperament. Don't become a volunteer firefighter if you're afraid of fire or you lack physical fitness. Don't become a volunteer health assistant if you faint at the sight of blood. Don't volunteer in your child's science classroom if you don't relate well to children. Let others take the roles that you're not suited for. Hunt around for roles better suited to you. Or tell the volunteer organization what your skills are and let them find a position better suited to your aptitude and interests. It's far more helpful to devote a few hours to doing something that you can do well rather than volunteering many hours towards something you're not suited for.^[3]

Be careful of taking on volunteer work that can re-traumatize you or hits "too close to home". You may want to help others who have dealt with issues you have, but sometimes this can end up being too intense. You may be confronted with an issue that is still very raw for you. This is not to say that you shouldn't find catharsis in facing the issues head-on through volunteering but it does mean that you must feel strong enough in yourself to cope with the feelings as they are presented back at you from someone else suffering them. Good volunteer organizations will talk this through with you at the beginning.

• For example, working with sexually abused children when you yourself were abused may re-trigger the memories, feelings and so on you experienced. This may not be helpful and cause you distress and may hinder recovery for you.

Be aware that there are certain stages in your life when volunteering is not a good option for you. Although temporary, there are certain times in your life when your volunteer activities will need to step down and take a backseat to your own life. These times include: death of a family member; exam time; birth of a baby; illness (see below); and moving house. Each of these activities rate highly and you are well within your rights to put all your efforts into seeing yourself and your family through the temporary disruption. In time, you will have recovered or moved on from the hard part and be ready to return to helping others. This is about knowing when to let others help you for a short time! On the other hand, volunteering can sometimes be the only reality you have to hang onto to provide you with stability, such as when you're going through a divorce or you've lost your job. Carefully weigh up your personal physical and emotional demands as compared to what energy you may have remaining to spend expend on others; be honest before overdoing things. You'll be a better volunteer if you take time out to strengthen yourself first.

Avoid volunteering for something just because a friend is volunteering. You must care about the volunteering that you take up; a reason such as "my friend is doing it; so I should also," is unsound. By all means join with a friend if both of you truly are keen on the work involved, but if you only do it for your friend's sake, you may end up resenting the volunteer work and perhaps even your friend. Tell an over-enthusiastic friend that you support him or her, but that your volunteer efforts are being placed elsewhere.

Don't be bullied, coerced or co-opted into volunteering. It is not unusual to be elected at a meeting which you do not attend, or to be pushed along by a crowd unwilling itself to take on a position that a club/school/organisation needs filled. If you are present at such a vote, vocalise strongly your refusal. State clearly that you are too busy, too unwell, too over-committed etc. to take on this position at this point in time. If it happens in your absence, send a gently worded letter refusing the position to the board, setting out brief reasons why you do not accept the nomination. Or simply say you do not accept. You must want to undertake the volunteer work, otherwise you may damage your self-esteem, time management and other commitments.^[4]

Question authorities who seek to over-rely on volunteers. Of course you want to support your local schools, or museum, or library. But it is one thing to be supplemented by volunteers and another if vital services are relying on unpaid labor. If you feel that an organisation, school or other place is asking too much of volunteers, speak up and say that this work ought to be performed by paid persons. Exercise your letter-writing or phoning skills and ask the school principal, the local municipality or your locally elected member why the funding is so low for certain activities and ask that paid employment be considered or additional financing provided to ease the pressure off of over-worked volunteers

• In particular, stay at home parents are sometimes subjected to inordinate pressure to take on more volunteer work than they feel able to cope with. Being a full time stay at home mother or father is a real full time job. Sometimes this population is made to feel they ought to volunteer because they are not working outside the home--as if that means they are like retirees or unemployed--rather than honor this very difficult albeit unpaid job.^[5]

Find other ways to help out that do not sap your time/ energy/ finances/ good will. If you really want to volunteer but you can't, think of other ways to help out. If you have money but no time, donate the money. If you have no money, but have the time, donate your time. If you have neither, donate your messages of goodwill and support. Be creative. Even writing a letter to the editor of a local newspaper to tell of the good deeds being done by others is a great volunteer exercise, often overlooked by many. Thoughtfulness, praise and encouragement for those who are volunteering is the most important contribution of all.

Don't risk your safety. If you feel unsafe, consult the person in charge and let them know. For example if you are asked to venture into an unfamiliar part of town, late at night and alone, ask to have someone go with you. If you are on a building site without a helmet or gloves, ask for safety equipment. Trust your instincts. If you are denied any of the safety precautions you requested, you are within your rights to leave.

Be wary of any organization that asks you to pay them in order to volunteer, especially if you are strapped for cash. There are many other worthy organizations out there that do not charge, and will provide more hours for less effort.