How to Know if a Coworker Has a Crush on You

Co-authored by John Keegan

One very awkward problem to solve is figuring out if a coworker has a crush on you. Not only may you get mixed signals from someone who has a crush on you, but you may not be able to respond appropriately because of the constraints of the workplace environment. However, there are a number of things you can do to determine if your coworker has a crush on you. By reading nonverbal communicating and talking to your coworker, you'll be able to gain a better understanding of your coworker's true feelings.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Reading Nonverbal Communication

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Watch how the person treats your personal space. Make sure to observe how the person treats your personal space. If a coworker has a crush on you, they may move into your personal space more than if they had no feelings for you.
- Does the person move into your person space in a warm and non-threatening manner? They may want to get close to you or to show you affection.
- Observe to see if your coworker enters your personal space to touch you on the shoulder, touch your hair, touch or pat your arm, or bump into you repeatedly.^{[1]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 November 2019.}
- Always observe how people treat others around you before making a judgement about someone having a crush on you.
- Beware not to confuse “close talkers” or other people who don’t understand or respect personal space with people who have feelings for you.
2
Observe whether the person finds reasons to be around you. Another great nonverbal way to figure out if a coworker has a crush on you is to consider whether they go out of their way to be around you. If they do, it might be a sign that they’ve got a crush on you.
- If someone has no useful or practical reason to be around you, yet they always are, they might have feelings for you
- If someone is around you a lot, but is around you out of necessity, they might not have feelings for you.
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3
See if your coworker looks at you a lot. Spend a little time and try to observe if your coworker looks at you a lot.^{[2]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 11 November 2019.} Mixed with other signals, looking at you may represent the fact that they have a crush on you. Your coworker may have a crush on you if:
- They steal glances at you throughout the day for no apparent reason.
- They stare at you, wink, or otherwise invite your interest with their eyes during meetings or other occasions at work.
- They check your physical features out regularly.
4
Look at the person’s body language. Body language is very important in determining if your coworker has a crush on you. By paying attention to your coworker’s body language, you’ll get some important clues as to how they feel about you.^{[3]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 11 November 2019.}
- Is your coworker standing in a way that is inviting or relaxed? If they’re arms and legs are open and their posture is relaxed, they might be interested in you.
- Does your coworker send signals that they are closed off from you? If they stand with arms crossed or withdrawn, they could either be nervous or not interested in you at all.
- Always evaluate body language in conjunction with other signs and signals that the person sends to you.^{[4]
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  Research source}

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Communicating with your Coworker

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Notice if your coworker compliments you a lot. Think about whether your coworker compliments you a lot. Compliments or other positive remarks might indicate that they have a high opinion of you or even a crush on you.
- If your coworker consistently compliments the job you’re doing at work, it might mean that they just respect you as a coworker.
- If your coworker compliments your physical looks or other things that are not related to work, it might mean that they have romantic interest in you.
- Don’t take compliments by themselves as an indication of your coworker having a crush. Evaluate compliments in the context of other factors.^{[5]
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2
Evaluate what your coworker talks to you about. The subject of your conversations with your coworker can give you pretty solid cues about their feelings for you. As a result, pay a little attention to what your coworker says to you and the types of conversations they initiate. Ask yourself:
- Does your coworker bring up highly personal information? If so, this might signal that they see you as more than just an acquaintance.
- Does your coworker talk sex, being intimate, or romantic interests? This might be a way of getting your attention in a romantic way.
- Does your coworker confide in you? This suggests that they see you as more than just a coworker.
- Does your coworker invite you to activities outside of work? This could be a sure sign they’re interested in you romantically.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 November 2019.}
3
Ask your coworker about your relationship. After watching for other signals, you might just need to plain out ask your coworker if they have a crush on you. While this might not be the easiest or the most comfortable thing to do, it may get the results you want.
- Say something like “do you think our relationship goes beyond work?”
- If you don’t want to be direct, try using humor to offset your question. Perhaps make a joke about how other employees avoid you, then say “you don’t seem to hate me like everyone else.”
- Be careful about suggesting you want more than a work relationship.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Avoiding Problems

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Learn about your company’s policies regarding relationships in the office. Before even engaging in activity to find out if your coworker has a crush on you, you need to figure out what your company’s policies are regarding workplace romances.^{[7]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 11 November 2019.} This is important even if you don’t want a relationship, because even the rumor of two people being involved could cause problems.
- Check your employee handbook, if you have one, for policies on workplace relationships.
- Talk to a human resource representative, if you can’t find information elsewhere.
- Tell your superiors if you begin a formal, mutually-recognized relationship.^{[8]
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2
Avoid anything that could be construed as sexual harassment. When trying to find out if your coworker has a crush, you need to make sure that you avoid any conversation or activity that may be construed as sexual harassment. This is a very tough thing to do, as different people may be sensitive to this subject and could identify what you think is a harmless comment as something much more.
- Never make a blatantly sexual or romantic comment to anyone you are not in a formal, mutually-recognized relationship with.
- Don’t touch other employees unless invited to do so, and never do so at work in a sexual or romantic way even if you are in a mutually-recognized relationship.
- If you think someone has a crush on you, and you’re uncomfortable letting them know you’re not interested, consider contacting human resources.
- If someone makes unwanted advances toward you despite your signals to stop, contact management or human resources immediately.^{[9]
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3
Don't make assumptions. Perhaps the most important thing to do when trying to determine if a coworker has a crush on you, is to avoid making assumptions. By making assumptions, you'll jump to conclusions about things without being properly informed. When you do this, you may do something or say something that could get you into trouble or hurt someone else’s feelings.
- Make sure you always have the correct information when making a decision about what to do.
- Don’t treat someone differently because you think they have a crush on you.
- Don’t expect a date, sexual favors, or anything of the sort from someone you think has a crush on you.

Community Q&A

Question

I am a male contractor with an apprentice that works under me every day. He has complimented me several times and sometimes asks very personal questions, how do I know if he's interested?

Community Answer

Contextual clues could be very important here. Is he complimentary and personally engaging to others in your workplace, or just you? If he is giving you special consideration, then is he just a generally "flirtatious" and low-personal-boundary guy, or is it specifically inviting a more "intimate" work relationship? This also depends on what YOU want. If you're not interested, then a statement such as, "I'm glad I'm able to be a mentor to you at work and I hope that our interactions together will help you achieve your career goals" can be a polite, but firm, shut down. If you're interested, I suggest recommending another mentor for him so that you can keep things ethical at work.
Question

I am really confused about a guy at work. He is always around me and he smiles at me and watches me as I walk towards the shop. Do you think he might have a crush on me?

Community Answer

That could possibly be normal work behavior to keep an eye on coworkers in case they steal things or slack off. Or, he might just be bored and lazy and likes watching people walk up to the shop. Or, maybe he does like you. Ask him out for a coffee and a chat to find out!