This article was co-authored by Tala Johartchi, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Glenn Carreau. Dr. Tala Johartchi is a Clinical Psychologist based in the Los Angeles, California metro area. With expertise and advanced training in Evidence-Based Practices and therapeutic/behavioral frameworks, Dr. Johartchi specializes in working with individuals, couples, and families experiencing Substance Disorders, Love Addiction and Codependency, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, as well as common co-occurring disorders such as Depression, Anxiety, and Relational/Attachment difficulties. She earned an MA and PsyD in Clinical Psychology from The American School of Professional Psychology at Argosy University, San Francisco.
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Dealing with friends who give in to the green-eyed monster can be very confusing and stressful, but you can do it! If you suspect a friend is feeling envious, then keep an eye out for easy-to-spot signs of their jealousy. Don’t worry: if it turns out to be true, you can talk to them and find a solution. Read on for a list of comprehensive signs that your friend is jealous of you and how to address it.
Things You Should Know
- Jealous friends often give backhanded compliments, undermine and criticize you, gossip, and sound negative.
- Jealousy is usually caused by insecurities, leading friends to push you away while also trying to upstage you.
- Combat jealousy by empathizing with your friend. Tell them how you feel and look for a solution together.
Steps
Expert Q&A
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QuestionMy friend has become closer with our other friends and tries to put me down. What can I do?Tasha Rube, LMSWTasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
Licensed Master Social WorkerApproach your friend in a respectful manner and tell her how you feel based on your perception. Try not to approach the conversation with pre-judgments or accusations. If she continues to put you down, she may not be the friend you need in your life. In a case such as this, I would then suggest go out and meet new people and develop healthier friendships. -
QuestionMy friend is always trying to make me jealous because she always goes on vacations. She always gets mad when I try talk to her and cries. What can I do?Tasha Rube, LMSWTasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
Licensed Master Social WorkerAsk yourself if your friend is purposefully trying to make you jealous, or is she just excited about her achievements and wanting to share this information with you as friend. You may also want to ask yourself, why her vacations make you feel jealous. We all have the ability to create our own path in life by the choices that we make. If you feel that your life may be lacking in areas, and that you would like to see some of those positive achievements, start making changes and choices that will help guide you toward your desired goals. -
QuestionMy friend hurt me so much because I acted against her wish. Now I am avoiding her. Is this the right thing to do?Tasha Rube, LMSWTasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
Licensed Master Social WorkerIt sounds like that both of you may need to re-evaluate what it means to be a friend and what expectations each of you have for the relationship you share. Your friend had every right to feel hurt if you purposefully acted against her wish. However, she would be equally at fault if she in turn retaliated against you just to hurt you. Try incorporating positive responsiveness when interacting with any friend you have. Reflect on the situation prior to responding. Think about how your actions or words will impact you, her, or others prior to speaking or behaving. Does it add to the good of the relationship, or does it add more frustration, hurt or anger?
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/one-among-many/202012/backhanded-compliments
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-cultural-competence/202004/5-telltale-signs-you-re-the-target-envy
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-cultural-competence/202004/5-telltale-signs-you-re-the-target-envy
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-cultural-competence/202004/5-telltale-signs-you-re-the-target-envy
- ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/toxic-friends/
- ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/toxic-friends/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-cultural-competence/202004/5-telltale-signs-you-re-the-target-envy
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-cultural-competence/202004/5-telltale-signs-you-re-the-target-envy
- ↑ https://www.thesource.org/post/10-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-friendship
- ↑ Tala Johartchi, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 16 July 2021.
- ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/toxic-friends/
- ↑ https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/your-feelings/feelings-emotions/jealousy/
About This Article
To tell if a friend is jealous of you, watch for them to give you backhanded compliments that are actually aimed at putting you down. For example, if you got a new job, they might say, “That’s great, they don’t usually hire people with so little experience.” You may also see your friend trying to upstage your achievements, like talking about how many times they’ve had an A on a paper when you get a good grade. When you talk about your successes at school, work, or in a relationship, look for them to seem disinterested. Additionally, expect them to complain about the circumstances surrounding your achievement by saying something like, “It’s so unfair how everything comes so easily to you.” For tips on how to cope with a jealous friend, read on!