How to Know if Your Boyfriend Is on Dating Sites

Co-authored by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: January 21, 2022 References

It can be very stressful (and even a little scary) if you think your boyfriend isn’t being honest with you. If he’s been spending more time on his phone lately or shutting off his computer when you come in the room, you might be suspicious that he’s on dating sites behind your back. That’s why we’ve listed a few ways you can find that out for sure, as well as some steps to help repair your relationship after a breach of trust.

1

Enter his info into a cheating app.

These apps and websites will do all the searching for you. Download something like Swipebuster or Couples Tracker, then enter in your boyfriend’s name and information. They will instantly search through common dating apps for you, and they’ll pull up any matches they find with your BF’s info.^{[1]
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- A few of these sites might also ask for location information to better narrow down the area you’re searching from.
- If any of these sites ask for your credit card info, don’t give it to them. Only pick sites that are free to use to avoid any scams.

2

Add his name to Tinder’s URL.

Use this hack if you’re sure he just has a Tinder account. On your computer, type “www.tinder.com/@yourboyfriend’sname.” When you hit enter, Tinder will pull up the account using that name, so you can find him quickly.^{[2]
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- Keep in mind that this one won’t work if he’s using a fake name or pretending to be someone else.

3

Enter his email address into a login page.

See if he has an active account this way. Go to a few popular dating sites, like Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, Match, Hinge, and Plenty of Fish. When it asks you to log in, enter in his email address, then type a random password. If you get an error message that says “Wrong password” or “Incorrect password,” he’s most likely using his email address for an account on that site.
- On the other hand, if you get a message that says something like, “No account with that name” or “Incorrect email address,” he probably doesn’t have an account on that site.

4

Create your own account.

If you know which app or site he’s using, check it out this way. Download the app onto your phone and make a fake profile that doesn’t use your real information. Then, set your age range to include your boyfriend, and turn your location range to be as close as it can. Then, set your gender to whatever he’s looking for. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find him quickly.^{[3]
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- If you don’t want to make your own, ask a friend to use theirs or make a fake one for you.

5

Check his phone.

The best way to be sure is to look at his downloaded apps. If you have a spare moment with his phone, search through his apps for sites like Bumble, Tinder, Match, or Hinge. If you find any of these on his phone, it means he’s most likely been using them (or at least hasn’t deleted them yet).
- If he tries to deny that he’s used the apps recently, head into “Settings” and click on “Screen Time.” From there, you can see how long he’s spent on each application on his phone in the past few days.
- Keep in mind that checking his phone is a breach of privacy, and it could negatively impact your relationship.

6

Look at his browser history.

He may be logging onto dating sites on his computer. If you have access to his desktop or laptop, open up his browser and head to the upper right corner. Click on “History” and search through his recent websites and searches to see what he’s been up to.
- Keep in mind that if he’s been using these sites in an incognito tab, they won’t show up in his browser history.
- Just like checking his phone, snooping on his computer could be bad for your trust in each other.

7

Talk to your boyfriend directly.

It might sound scary, but it will probably give you the most peace. If you think your boyfriend is using dating apps but you aren’t sure, sit down with him and talk about your concerns. Hopefully, he can quell your fears and prove to you that he’s being faithful.^{[4]
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- Say something like, “Honey, could we talk? I’ve been feeling a little anxious lately, and I’m concerned that you’re back on dating sites.”
- Then, you might say, “I want to trust you completely, but I’m having some doubts. Could you reassure me that you’re being faithful?”

8

Listen to your boyfriend.

When you two talk, keep an open mind, and don’t interrupt him. He might have an explanation for any shady behavior you’ve been witnessing, so try not to judge him for what he says. Assume that he’s telling you the truth (unless he has a history of lying) to move forward and resolve this issue.^{[5]
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- Experts note that letting your partner talk without judgement is one of the first steps toward healing after a betrayal.
- If your BF does have a history of lying, it’s a good idea to get a mental health professional involved. They can help your boyfriend determine why he keeps lying and what might get him to tell the truth.

9

Work through your feelings around past trauma.

If you’ve been cheated on before, this is probably why you’re suspicious of your BF. When we’re cheated on, it can take a long time to recover and trust someone fully again (even if they’re not the one who cheated on us). Make sure to acknowledge your feelings, and try to challenge them if you know they aren’t true.^{[6]
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- In your mind, you might say something like, “Yes, I’ve been cheated on in the past, but that doesn’t mean that everyone is a cheater.”
- If your current boyfriend is the one who’s cheated on you in the past, it’s no wonder why you’d be feeling mistrustful. If that’s the case, you may want to try couple’s counseling.

10

Work on building trust in the relationship.

All healthy relationships are built on a foundation of trust.^{[7]
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Go to source} If you know you have trust issues and you’d like to work on them, you need to first acknowledge your own feelings, and then talk to your partner about what’s going on. Then, you can challenge all of your mistrustful thoughts with questions like, “What evidence do I have that this thought is true?”^{[8]
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- For instance, if you start thinking that your boyfriend is going behind your back again, you might ask yourself, “Do I know this, or am I assuming this?”

11

Go to a couple’s counselor if you need to.

Mistrust can be hard to work through on your own. If you’re still not convinced that your boyfriend is telling the truth or you can’t move past your uneasy feelings, make an appointment with a professional. They can give you coping mechanisms and specific things to try in your relationship to make it work.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
Expert Interview. 19 August 2020.}
- Keep in mind that if your boyfriend is on dating sites, you’re under no obligation to stay with him if you don’t want to. Logging onto a dating site is a huge breach of trust, and many would consider it cheating.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you overcome communication problems in a relationship?

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices. Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP). Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers.

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP

Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor

Expert Answer

Set aside time each week for a "relationship check-in." At this time, discuss some thoughtful questions with your partner, like "How are we feeling about our relationship today?" or "Is there any unfinished business from last week that we need to address?"