How to Know a Guy Is Flirting

Co-authored by Connell Barrett

It's not always easy to tell if a guy is flirting, because guys can flirt by being nice to you, by ignoring you, or even by being a little bit mean to you. Just when you're sure the guy is really into you, he may suddenly give you the cold shoulder or send you mixed signals. Luckily, there are a few things you can look for that will help you find out whether he likes you! Bear in mind that it's entirely possible he could genuinely be charming rather than intending to flirt with you.

Steps

1
See how he acts around other women. If he's just acting flirtatious towards you, it probably means there's something he likes about you in particular. However, if he's flirty with all of the ladies, then he may just be a flirtatious person who is naturally charming and charismatic. The next time you're hanging out with him and there are other women around, observe the way he talks to them and treats them. If this is exactly the same way that he talks to you, then he may not be truly flirting with you.^{[1]
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2
See if being flirty is just part of his job. If he's on the job and is a waiter or bartender, for example, then part of his job may just have to do with being flirtatious with the ladies. Don't put too much stock into how he treats you on the job and see how he feels about you when he's off the clock. This will give you a better indication of how he really feels about you. On the other hand, if he's in a more professional setting with you, he may not flirt with you on the job even if he likes you because he doesn't want to get in trouble or doesn't feel comfortable flirting during work hours.^{[2]
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3
See if he breaks the touch barrier. If the guy likes you, then he'll look for any old excuse to touch you because he'll want to get closer to you. He may even linger his hand near yours when passing you a pencil or he may brush up against you, put his hand on the small of your back, or just sit extra close to you so your knees or feet touch.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} If he seems to always be looking for excuses to touch you, then he probably is flirting with you.^{[4]
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4
See if he laughs at your jokes. Sure, you may be a comedian, but chances are that he thinks you're even funnier than you know you are, if he's flirting with you. If he likes you, then he'll laugh at anything you say, even if you're not trying to be funny. If you find him laughing way too loud when you make jokes, or even nervously laughing when you're talking about what you ate for lunch, then this may be his way of flirting with you. He's probably just laughing because he's excited to be around you.^{[5]
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5
See if he uses you as his lending library. If the guy is flirting with you, then he's really just looking for more opportunities to spend time with you. If he's always asking to borrow your books, your movies, or your notes for class, then chances are that he's really just looking for more excuses to talk to you and to have some of your stuff around so he can think about you even more. This may also have to do with him acting like he shares all of your interests so he can get you to like him!
6
See if he acts like a gentleman around you. Though some guys are just born gentlemen, if the guy likes you, then he'll want to open doors for you, pull out chairs for you, and offer you his coat if you're cold. If you're walking down the street, he may walk on the side of the street to "protect" you from traffic. Watch him around other girls; if he's only particularly gentlemanly to you, then he may definitely be flirting.
7
See if he teases you. Teasing is one of the biggest ways that a man can flirt with you. If he makes fun of you lightly for your clothes, for how you walk, how you laugh, or for any of the other things about you that he actually just thinks are really adorable, then he's definitely flirting with you. If you always feel like the guy is giving you a hard time and pointing out your "faults," then it's really just that he's flirting with you because he's paying attention to all of the little things you do.^{[6]
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8
See if he lies about having common interests. It's great if you and the guy have the exact same taste in music, books, movies, or food, but chances are that your tastes do have to diverge somewhat. If he gets a little bit too excited and nods eagerly when you mention your favorite new movie or band, then it may be because he's just trying to flirt and form a common bond with you so you like him more. Don't count this against him; these harmless lies are just his way to win the key to your heart.
9
See if he gives you small gifts. He may give you a brand new pen because you never have one in class. He may give you Chapstick because you always have chapped lips. While this isn't the same as giving you a giant bouquet of flowers, this is the guy's way of flirting with you and of showing you that he pays attention to who you are and what you need. He's being thoughtful and doesn't want to scare you off with a grander gift if he's not sure that you really like him.
10
See if he makes fun of other guys you hang out with. This is a classic way for a guy to flirt with you and to let you know he's interested. If the guy always makes nasty or just mean and funny comments about any other guys you know or hang out with, then chances are it's because he's just jealous that you're paying attention to someone else who isn't him. If he says something like, "What do you see in that guy, anyway?" then he's definitely flirting with you.
11
See if he jokes about you dating other people. If he even calls other guys your boyfriend or teases you about having a hot date, then he's definitely flirting with you. He's playing around with the idea that you have a boyfriend or that you're seeing someone else because he wants to be the one that you're dating. This is his subtle (or not-so-subtle) way of letting you know that he wants to be the one you have a hot date with.
12
See if he blushes around you. If the guy blushes while you're talking, then this is definitely a sign that he likes you and that he's flirting with you. Check out his face the next time he says something to you, and if he turns bright red for no reason, or if he just turns red after saying something slightly personal to you, then it's definitely a sign that he likes you and is just flirting.
13
See if he finds subtle ways to compliment you. He may not say, "You are so totally hot," but he may compliment you in other ways that give away the fact that he's flirting with you. If he compliments your eyes, the color of your hair, your laugh, or an admirable aspect of your personality, then he's definitely flirting with you.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} He may even tease you a bit while flirting with you, like if he says something like, "That's the brightest sweater I have ever seen," but he's still flirting with you. Most guys aren't comfortable with just casually complimenting a girl they like, so they may throw in some ambiguity or an insult for good measure.
14
See if he makes eye contact with you. If the guy is flirting with you, then he'll lock eyes with you when he's talking to you. If he likes you, he'll be too distracted to look somewhere else, to check his phone, or to search around for his friends. His gaze may even linger on yours for a while, and then he may get nervous and break eye contact, even maybe with a little smile. He can also flirt with you by making eye contact from across the room, too. If you catch him staring at you, that can be his way of flirting, too.
15
See if he turns his body toward yours. It's all in the body language. If he turns his shoulders, arms, and feet toward you when you're talking instead of turning his body away from yours, then he's keeping an open posture and flirting with you for sure. Check to see that his arms are at his sides instead of crossed over his chest, and that he's really turning his body toward yours. He'll be doing this because he likes you and wants to get even closer to you; he may even lean in close toward you from time to time.^{[8]
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16
See if he fusses with his hair when he's with you. This is another key sign that he's really flirting with you. If he likes you, then he'll be worried about how he looks and how you perceive him, and one thing guys obsess over the most is their own hair. Check to see how many times he puts his hand in his hair or how many times he runs his hands around the back of his head the next time you're together. He may also just be playing with his hair because he's nervous around you, which is another sign that he likes you and is flirting.
17
See if he preens around you. If the guy likes you, then he'll want to look his best around you. This means that he'll try to straighten any wrinkles in his clothes, pick off any crumbs from his pants, or just generally try to look his best around you. He wants you to see him at his best, so he'll do what he can to make his body look as appealing as possible. The next time you're around him, see if he takes care with his appearance, which can be a major sign of flirting.
18
See if he talks to you with an open face. If the guy likes you, then his eyebrows will be slightly raised, his nostrils will be flared a bit, and his lips will be slightly parted. It's biological. If he likes you, then his face will be on the alert, and you'll be able to see if he's flirting with you just by reading his face. Don't stare at his nostrils or eyebrows too much, though, or he may get a bit freaked out.
19
See if he speaks in a low-pitched voice. If a guy likes you, then he will lower his voice slightly as a sign that he's interested. The next time you talk to him, see if he lowers his voice a bit from what his voice usually sounds like when he talks to friends, teachers, or other girls. This may be a sign that he really likes you and that he's flirting with you.^{[9]
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20
See if he confides in you. If the guy confides some personal information to you, then he could be flirting with you. If he tells you something personal about his family, his pets, his friends, or his relationship with his parents, then it's possible that he's flirting with you. It doesn't automatically mean that he is flirting with you. It's entirely possible he could simply trust you enough to confide in you.

Expert Q&A

Question

What do guys do when they flirt?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

When someone's flirting with you, they will probably offer you a compliment to let you know they're interested.
Question

How do I know if someone likes me more than a friend?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

The person might try to break the touch barrier by brushing their hand against yours or putting their hand on your lower back.