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This article was written by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. She is the author of “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” and the award-winning and best-selling book “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and is a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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You and a girl just spent a great night together—now that it’s over, how do you keep that intimacy going and strengthen your bond? Your physical connection is a great foundation for an emotional attraction that can last a long time. In this article, we’ll give you expert-backed tips on how to keep a girl interested, both in the long term and right after you’ve hit the sheets.
This article is based on an interview with our relationship expert, Kelli Miller, licensed pyschotherapist and award-winning author. Check out the full interview here.
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 2:
Keeping Her Interested Long-Term
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1Ask her out on dates to show her you want a relationship. Even though you two have had sex already, it’s important to keep dating her to build a connection. Text or call her the next day and invite her out for dinner or drinks to show that you’re not just using her for sex.[1]
- “Hey! I had a great time last night. Want to go get dinner tonight?”
- “I loved hanging out with you yesterday. Are you free this weekend? I’d really like to see you again.”
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2Compliment her to show her your true feelings. Try to compliment her about something other than her looks or her body to show her that you like her for her. You can compliment her any time: right after sex, over text, or just when you two are hanging out.[2] Say something like:
- “You have such a great sense of humor. You always know how to make me laugh.”
- “I love hanging out with you. You’re so adventurous.”
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3Open up to her to show that you trust her. To really build a connection with a girl, tell her a little bit about yourself. Mention your hopes, your dreams, and what you want to do in 5 years. The more you can tell her about yourself, the more she’ll feel like you two are truly bonding.[3]
- This is a great way to spend time after sex. Doing pillow talk builds your connection and helps you and your partner feel closer after intimacy.
- If you’re a man, you may have learned growing up that expressing your emotions isn’t “manly.” However, talking about your emotions with someone you like is a great way to connect, and it might even help you feel better, too.
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4Introduce her to your friends to show her you value her. A lot of times, relationships don’t feel “real” until your partner introduces you to their friends or family. You can start out slow by asking her to come hang with you and your pals the next time you all grab a drink together.[4]
- Keep things cool and casual by asking her something like, “My friends and I were gonna grab a drink tonight if you’re interested. They’d all like to meet you.”
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5Ask her questions about herself to learn more about her. To show her that you’re really interested in her, ask some deep questions to get to know her. See what her goals are, what she wants to do in the next 5 years, and what her childhood was like. Ask questions like:[5]
- “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”
- “What’s your dream job?”
- “What would a perfect day look like to you?”
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6Listen to her to show that you care what she talks about. Relationships are built on communication, and listening is a huge component of that. To show that you really care what she has to say, put away distractions and make eye contact with her. Nod along as she talks to practice active listening, and ask follow-up questions to stay engaged.[6]
- Ask questions like, “Interesting. Could you tell me more?” or, “How did you feel about that?”
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7Try new things together to build a connection. If you want to strengthen your bond fast, pick an activity that neither of you have done before and try it together. Not only will you both feel a little vulnerable, but you can help and encourage each other along the way to enhance your bond.[7] You could try:
- Horseback riding
- Rock climbing
- Taking a cooking class
- Hiking in a new area
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8Tell her how much you like her so she doesn’t have to wonder. If you really like this girl and you don’t want your relationship to peter out, let her know. Add in why you like her to show that you’re being open and honest. She might just feel the same way, and you two can talk about where your relationship is going and what to do next together.[8]
- “I love hanging out with you, and I always have a great time when we’re together. I just want you to know that I’m falling for you.”
- “Thanks for coming out with me tonight. I always enjoy hanging out with you. I really like you a lot, and I hope you feel the same way.”
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Method 2
Method 2 of 2:
Keeping Her Interested Right after Sleeping Together
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1
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2Ask how her experience was. While it might sound a little awkward, having a quick debrief is actually a great way to form a connection and make improvements for next time. After you two are finished, ask her how the sex was and if there’s anything you could do differently next time. Put the emphasis on “next time” so she knows you want to see her again.[10]
- “How was that for you? Any pointers for me?”
- “Anything I can do differently for you next time?”
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3Invite her to sleep over to spend more time with her. If you just wanted to hook up with her, you’d probably ask her to leave right after you two were done. Instead, tell her that she can spend the night (or ask if you can spend the night at her place). Make sure she’s comfortable, and give her some pajamas to sleep in so you both wake up feeling refreshed.[11]
- Say something like, “Do you want to sleep here? It’s so late, I figured you probably don’t want to drive all the way back.”
- If she doesn’t want to spend the night, that’s okay—offer to give her a ride home, or call her an Uber.
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4Kiss her goodbye when she leaves to show that you like her. Giving her a kiss shows that you want to see her again. If you two were just hooking up and then saying goodbye, there’d be no need to share a sweet moment on her way out the door. Give her a hug and a kiss, either on the lips or the forehead, to show with your actions that you want to take her out again.[12]
- As she leaves, say something like, “I had a really great time. Can I see you again?”
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References
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/research_digest/how_to_compliment_your_partner
- ↑ https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/things-to-do-after-sex
- ↑ https://www.gq.com/story/how-to-introduce-your-girlfriend-to-your-friends
- ↑ https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/creating-in-flow/201602/10-proven-ways-you-can-increase-intimacy
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-creating-intimacy
- ↑ https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/things-to-do-after-sex
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The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.
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