How to Keep Awkwardness out of a Conversation

Last Updated: January 21, 2023 References

Conversations can be awkward at times. If you slip up and say the wrong thing, you may grow nervous. However, there are many ways to navigate a conversation smoothly. Work on practicing basic conversation skills. If an awkward moment occurs, smooth it over quickly. In the event of an uncomfortable silence, find ways to keep the other person engaged.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Managing a Conversation Smoothly

1
Make sure to listen. If you're shy and nervous by nature, you may end up not listening in conversations. This is not necessarily because you're intentionally being rude. You may simply be hung up on what you'll say next. To prevent awkwardness, do not worry about how to respond when someone else is talking. Simply focus on the speaker.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Practice active listening. This means maintaining eye contact at all times and smiling and nodding when appropriate. You should also give verbal cues, such as saying, "I see" on occasion.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Adina Zinn, MPA
  Certified Career & Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 30 March 2022.}
- If you're unsure how to respond to something, listening can help. You can ask a question regarding what the speaker just said. For example, "That sounds like an interesting career path. Can you tell me more?"^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Adina Zinn, MPA
  Certified Career & Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 30 March 2022.}
2
Do mindfulness exercises to keep you focused. Listening carefully and focusing on the speaker during a conversation is key to avoiding awkwardness, and engaging in mindfulness exercises can help. These exercises help you clear your mind and reorient yourself to the present moment.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Try this simple mindfulness meditation. Sitting or lying in a comfortable position, breathe deeply, focusing all of your attention on your breath. Your eyes may be open or closed, although you may find that closing them makes it easier to focus.
- Practice this exercise for 15 minutes every day.
Advertisement
3
Give honest compliments. Compliments can prevent a conversation from getting awkward. Compliments can help a conversation maintain a positive feel, making the other person feel comfortable with you. This can prevent awkwardness from arising.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- Make sure to keep your compliments honest. People can usually detect when your'e not being genuine, and may feel uncomfortable and annoyed. You should also avoid vague compliments (i.e., "Oh, that's cool.") as these also may come off as disingenuous.
- When you think of something positive to say, say it. Allow compliments to occur organically. For example, "Wow, teaching sounds so hard. I really admire how much work you put into your career."
- You can also use questions as compliments. Questions flatter the person by showing your interest. For example, you might say, “I’m fascinated by your work. Can you tell me more?”
4
Allow silences to happen naturally. Silences are a normal part of any conversation. If there's a temporary pause, do not panic and immediately try to fill the void. This is likely to turn the situation awkward. You also may say the wrong thing if you get nervous immediately after things get quiet. Instead, allow silence for a few seconds.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- Remember a conversation pause is natural. The other person may feel slightly awkward as well, so take comfort in the fact you're not alone. Try to accept things may be quiet for a few moments.
- If you feel anxious, take a couple of deep breaths, and focus on relaxing and softening your body. This can help reduce the anxiety response in your brain.
- Think of a new topic to introduce that you're genuinely interested in. If you immediately start talking about something you don't care about to fill the void, this will only make the situation more uncomfortable for everyone. Give yourself a few moments to think of something to say that will carry the conversation forward in a meaningful manner.
5
Be aware of your body language. Good body language can lead to a smooth conversation. If you're awkward by nature, you may accidentally send body language cues that make another person feel you're uncomfortable. Work on being aware of how you're carrying yourself and strive for open body language.^{[7]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Do not slouch or look away from the other person. Always stand up straight and face the person head on.
- Maintain eye contact most of the time. Look away on occasion, however, as too much eye contact can come off as intimidating.
- Don’t forget to smile, when appropriate. Smiling shows warmth and enjoyment, and helps keep you calm, too!
6
Watch the other person's body language. You want to make sure you do not talk too much or introduce the wrong topic. You can tell if someone's uncomfortable or bored by their body language. If someone is sending non-verbal cues indicating they're not enjoying the conversation, switch gears to avoid awkwardness.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- Someone may fold their arms if something you said made them feel defensive. If you, say, express a political belief, folded arms could indicate the person does not agree.
- Watch eye contact. If someone breaks eye contact, they may have lost interest in what you're saying.
- If someone's tone gets louder, you may have said something that's making them emotional. You may want to introduce a less emotionally charged subject to the conversation.
- If the person turns away from you or begins to move away, this may indicate they’re ready for the conversation to end.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Dealing With Awkward Moments

1
Introduce a new topic to smooth over silences. When silences do occur, allow a few seconds to pass naturally. Then, introduce a new topic to keep things going. Pause and think about new material you can bring into the conversation.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- Don't be afraid to bring up more personal topics, too! Talking about something personal encourages other people in the conversation to dig a little deeper. Plus, people tend to feel less awkward when talking about things they feel deeply about.^{[10]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Adina Zinn, MPA
  Certified Career & Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 30 March 2022.}
- You can return to a previous topic. For example, "So, you said you teach college classes?" You can also introduce a new subject altogether. You can make conversation by looking to things in the room or drawing on topics from the outside world. For example, "I can't believe it's going to snow this week. It's March already."
- It may help to have a few topics on hand that you use to continue a conversation. Safe topics include weather, non-controversial current events, sports, pets, and movies or television.
- Before a social event, you may want to make a mental list of conversation starters.
2
Apologize if you make others uncomfortable. Sometimes, despite your best effort, a comment may be ill-conceived. If you say something that halts the conversation, offer an apology and continue onward. Everyone slips up sometimes, so try not to let yourself get too hung up on a comment that did not go over well.^{[11]
X
Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}
- Don't make a big deal out of a poorly timed comment. Try to laugh it off. Say something like, "Sorry. That sounded better in my head."
- Other people feel awkward as well over a strange or inappropriate comment. They will feel more at ease seeing you're able to laugh at yourself. However, if you suspect you've deeply offended the person, apologize sincerely and avoid joking or making excuses.
3
Make sure you're letting the other person talk. If you're nervous by nature, you may have a tendency to accidentally talk over someone. Try to avoid doing this. During conversations, make a point of pausing on occasion and letting others talk.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- Make a point of consciously pausing after every sentence. Give the other person a chance to respond.
- Avoid talking over people. Make sure someone has finished a sentence before interjecting.
- If you catch yourself doing this, don’t panic! Just offer a light-hearted apology and ask them to finish their thought.
4
Find smooth ways to exit a conversation. Conversations come to a natural end. If you seem to have exhausted all topics, it's okay to wrap up the conversation. It can be awkward, however, to know how to end things. ^{[13]
X
Research source}
- Find a natural way to excuse yourself. For example, if you're at a bar, say something like, "I'm going to grab another drink."
- You can also join another conversation. For example, say something like, "Do you want to come meet some of my friends?" Integrate the person you're talking to into an existing conversation.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Keeping Conversation Flowing

1
Find common ground. People are drawn to those with similar interests. If you want to keep a conversation going without awkward pauses, look for common ground.^{[14]
X
Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
Go to source}
- If the speaker mentions something you're also interested in, make that the focus of the conversation. If you both, say, have an interest in horror movies, strike up a discussion about this.
- You should also strive to subtly mimic someone's body language. The speaker will unconsciously think of you as similar to them if you have the same mannerisms. This will make them want to continue the conversation.
- Bringing mutual friends into the conversation can also help with finding common ground and breaking the ice.
2
Ask questions. If there's a lull in conversation, you can always ask questions.^{[15]
X
Expert Source

Adina Zinn, MPA
Certified Career & Life Coach
Expert Interview. 30 March 2022.} People love talking about themselves and a conversation will almost never go stale if you're moving things forward with questions. For example, say something like, "So, what kind of hobbies do you do?" or "What brought you to this city?"^{[16]
X
Trustworthy Source
Edutopia
Educational nonprofit organization focused on encouraging and celebrating classroom innovation
Go to source}
3
Encourage the other person to share more about something. People will be flattered and encouraged if you seem interested in what they're saying.^{[17]
X
Expert Source

Adina Zinn, MPA
Certified Career & Life Coach
Expert Interview. 30 March 2022.} If you can't think of way to move the conversation forward, ask the person more about what they just said. For example, "So, how did you get into skiing anyway?"^{[18]
X
Research source}

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I ask a guy I'm seeing to be my boyfriend without making it awkward?

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.

Imad Jbara

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

You can do it subtly by asking them how long it took them to get into a relationship with their first significant other. You can gauge how long they take to warm up to somebody. Or you can use a direct approach and ask something like, "What are your plans for us?" or "What do you see this as?"