Is It Okay for a Married Woman to Have a Guy Best Friend?

Co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: December 15, 2021 References

Supportive best friends come in all shapes, sizes, and sexes so it shouldn't come as a surprise that some married women have guy best friends. This doesn't spell trouble for marriage, however, since a productive partnership should encourage fulfilling relationships. In other words, it isn’t a big deal if the marriage is healthy and stable, but it might be a cause for concern if there are other underlying issues. Still, every relationship is different so there’s a lot to consider here. That’s why we've addressed some of the most common questions about this type of friendship.

Question 1 of 6:

Can a married woman hang out with another man?

Yes—just because she's married doesn't mean she can't choose her friends. Relationships are complex things and just because a woman is friends with a man doesn't mean she's attracted to him physically, romantically, or emotionally. Plus, relationships change over time. Researchers have found that, in general, romantic and physical attraction actually diminished over time in friendships.^{[1]
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- This suggests that platonic friendships are possible, so there's no reason women can't hang out with men.

Question 2 of 6:

Can a married woman be best friends with a single guy?

Of course—as long as there's no deception. A woman shouldn't lie about when she's spending time with her best friend. Instead, it's important for her to be honest with her spouse so the friendship doesn't damage the marriage.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.}
- If the spouse doesn't feel comfortable, then there should be a deeper conversation to address why they're concerned about the friendship.

Question 3 of 6:

Is it possible for men and women to be just friends?

Yes—these can be healthy, nurturing relationships. It is possible to develop real emotional connections with people you're not attracted to. These relationships are no threat to a healthy marriage.^{[3]
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- In fact, a spouse should encourage their wife to have friends without telling her who she can be friends with.

Question 4 of 6:

Is it bad to be friends with a married woman?

No—as long as you're both clear about your intentions. Some married women have absolutely no problems with having a guy for a best friend, but there shouldn't be any romantic attraction on either side for it to work.^{[4]
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- It's important to consider the needs and response of the spouse, too. If they're seriously against their wife having a male best friend, they as a couple need to discuss the friendship.^{[5]
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  Expert Source
  
  Chloe Carmichael, PhD
  Relationship Expert
  Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.}

Question 5 of 6:

Should I be concerned if my wife has a male best friend?

Not necessarily, but talk with her if you feel uncomfortable. Don't hide your feelings—let her know if you're feeling concerned or threatened. Instead of issuing ultimatums that could drive her away, talk together about boundaries that would make you feel comfortable.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.}
- For instance, you might say, "I get that you and Tim are friends, I'd just feel better if he doesn't call the house late at night."
- This doesn't have to be a one-time conversation. You should feel comfortable talking with your wife if you ever feel like her best friend is overstepping in the relationship. For example, say, "Could we talk about what Tim's been saying lately? I've noticed he's started flirting with you and I'm uncomfortable with it."
- You might be concerned if infidelity has been an issue in your marriage. You may not trust your wife if she's cheated in the past, or maybe you cheated and assume that she might, too. In either case, you both might benefit from talking with each other about your relationship or meeting with a marriage counselor.

Question 6 of 6:

How do I deal with a friendship that starts feeling romantic?

It's probably best to end it in order to protect your marriage. If you feel like you or your best friend are developing romantic or sexual feelings, definitely talk with them. Be sensitive but honest and explain that it's probably best for everyone to stop spending time with each other.^{[7]
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- For example, you might say, "Alex, I've been giving our friendship a lot of thought and I realized that I'm attracted to you. This isn't fair to my spouse, so I can't see you anymore."
- You might say, "Rory, I can't help but feel like you've been flirting with me lately. I don't feel that way about you and it's making me uncomfortable. Maybe we need to take a break from hanging out."