How Often Should a Guy Text You in the Beginning?

Co-authored by Cher Gopman and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: April 20, 2022 References

Getting into a new relationship is super exciting, but it also comes with a lot of questions, too. Am I texting him too much? Is he not texting me enough? How much should we be texting? While there aren’t any hard and fast rules about texting, there are tips you can keep in mind as you settle into your new relationship. In this article, we’ll answer all of your texting questions so you can find what works for you and your new boo.

Section 1 of 5:

How often should a guy text me in a new relationship?

It varies, but 1 to 3 texts per day is common. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to texting your partner—you might text each other every day, or you might only check in a few times per week. However, in a new relationship, you might notice that you and your boo text more often than you usually would.^{[1]
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- The important part of a new relationship is getting to know each other in person. Texting is fine, but you’ll probably make a deeper, more lasting connection if you save the deep talks for your face to face meetups.

Section 2 of 5:

Is it okay to text each other every day?

Yes, texting every day is okay as long as you and your partner both like it. Some people like texting their partner every day, while other people would prefer to only text some of the time. It’s important that you and your partner are on the same page—if you’re both happy, then your relationship is much more likely to work out.^{[2]
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- Not sure how often your guy wants to text? Just ask! Try something like, “Do you like it when I text you ever day?” or, “Would you prefer that I texted or called you?”

Section 3 of 5:

Should the guy text me first every time?

No, you should try to reach out first about 50% of the time. There’s no need to wait by the phone and hope that the guy you’re dating reaches out. Everything in your relationship should be equal, and that includes texting. Try to be the first one to text him about half of the time. That way, he knows you’re as into him as he is into you.^{[3]
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Research source} Not sure what to say? Try something like:
- “Hey! Just thinking about you. I had so much fun last night 😘”
- “Good morning sleepy head! Hope you had sweet dreams 😊”
- “Wanna grab dinner later?🍽️ My treat.”

Section 4 of 5:

How to Tell He Likes You over Text

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He texts you first. When a guy likes you, he’ll put in the effort to reach out first. This doesn’t mean that he texts you first all the time, but you’ll probably notice that he starts a texting conversation at least half of the time.^{[4]
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- If you find that you’re always the first one to reach out, talk to him about it. It’s not necessarily a sign that he doesn’t like you—he might just not like texting in general.
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He responds quickly. Guys will usually make time to reply to someone they like. If he can hold a conversation with you and text you back in a couple of minutes, that’s a great sign!^{[5]
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- Try to keep his schedule in mind, though. If he’s at school or work, he probably won’t be able to respond very quickly at all.
- Some guys play hard to get by delaying their texts. However, if he's steadily responding to all of your texts, he's probably interested in you.
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His texting style stays consistent. When a guy likes you, he’s going to keep putting in the effort over text, even after you two get to know each other. You’ll notice that he consistently texts you every day, or he always sends a good morning text throughout the week. This is a great sign, because it means he’s not trying to lead you on.
- On the flip side, some guys will “breadcrumb” you just to keep you hooked. Breadcrumbing is when someone puts in just enough effort to keep you interested without actually putting in the effort to make a relationship work. Your guy might be doing this if he texts you something sweet one day, and then drops off the face of the earth for a week.
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He asks questions about you. Texting is a good way to get to know each other more, especially in a new relationship. If your guy asks you lots of questions over text, it means he wants to know more about you and who you are as a person. You don’t have to have a super deep convo via text message, but it’s a nice way to keep a conversation going. He might ask questions like:
- “Are you close with your family?”
- “Who’s your best friend?”
- “What’s your favorite way to relax?”
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He sets up plans to meet in person. Texting is nice, but hanging out in real life is even better. If your guy uses text messages to set up IRL dates, that’s a really good sign. It means he wants to get to know you more, and he enjoys spending time with you.
- There’s no set rule for how often you should go on dates together, but most couples like to see each other at least 2 to 3 times per week.

Section 5 of 5:

What do I do if he stops texting me?

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Give him some time to respond. Maybe he suddenly got super busy, or maybe his phone died. If your guy isn’t texting you back immediately, don’t panic. Give him a few hours to reply to see if he just got caught up in something IRL.^{[6]
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- If you know he’s super busy with work or school right now, don’t sweat it if he’s taking a while to respond. Wait until his busy day is over before you try reaching out again.
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Send him another quick text. When you’re in a relationship, double texting is actually okay. If it’s been a minute since your guy responded, send him another text to check up on him. He might have opened the message and just forgotten to respond—it happens. Say something like:
- “Hey, you there?”
- “Just checking in 🙂 We still on for tonight?”
- “Text me back when you get the chance 😘”
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Bring it up if you’re unhappy about his texting habits. If it bugs you that he doesn’t respond super quickly or that you’re always the one texting first, it’s worth talking to him about. Sit down and have an in person conversation with him about how often you like to text and how much you’d like to text during the week. Then, you two can compromise and reach a decision that makes you both happy.
- “I wanted to talk to you about how often we text. I know you don’t love texting that much, but it would mean a lot to me if we could check in with each other at least once a day. How does that sound?”
- “I know you don’t mean anything by it, but when you read my messages and don’t respond, it hurts my feelings a little bit. If you’re too busy to text, would you mind just letting me know?”

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I keep a text conversation going with a guy I'm dating?

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Keep bringing up new topics so the conversation doesn't get boring. Additionally, use photos and emojis to enhance your texts. You might send a photo of where you're located or something you think is funny. Make sure you stay positive and lighthearted in the beginning so the conversation is fun.