How Long Should You Talk on Bumble Before Meeting IRL?

Co-authored by Collette Gee and Megaera Lorenz, PhD

Last Updated: October 20, 2022 References

Bumble is a fun way to meet potential new dates. But how do you make the transition from chatting with your match to meeting up in person? While there’s no set rule for how long you should wait to set up a first date, in this article we will offer some helpful guidelines, backed up by advice from relationship experts.

1

Wait at least 2-3 days before meeting up.

This will give you a little time to get to know each other. If you’ve just made an exciting new match, it can be tempting to try to arrange a meeting right away. However, most dating experts recommend taking a little time to chat and establish trust before you jump right in. Spend a few days getting a feel for their personality and interests and building some chemistry before you take the next step.^{[1]
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- To get a sense of what your potential date is like, try to have at least a couple of meaningful conversations that go beyond just small talk. For example, you might talk about things like your career and family goals, your core beliefs and values, or hobbies that are important to you.

2

Try to meet within 1 week.

The spark might fizzle if you drag it out too long. While it’s a good idea to get to know your match a bit before meeting them, don’t overdo it. If possible, schedule a meeting with them within the next 1-2 weeks after you start talking. Even if you can’t actually meet that soon, at least have the conversation within that timeframe and try to set a definite plan to meet up when you can.^{[2]
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- For instance, you might agree to meet up in a few weeks. Set a specific time and date. Say something like, “Let’s grab coffee at 1:30 on the 20th.” Avoid making vague plans, like, “Let’s meet up next month!”
- Another good reason to avoid chatting over text for too long before meeting is that it can start to skew your expectations of the other person. You can only get to know someone so well without actually speaking to them face-to-face.^{[3]
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EXPERT TIP

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach

I recommend trying to find a common interest that you both like and making plans that revolve around that common interest. Once you've identified that common interest, say something like, "I'd love to grab your number and set up the date!" or however you want to go about it. Finding a common interest and making plans right there and then for the future is a great way to move off the app.

3

Schedule a video chat first to put a face to the name.

This is a good way to establish trust before meeting. While you don’t have to have a video chat with your match before you meet, it’s a good idea. Not only will it give you a better sense of whether you have real chemistry with them, but it will also help you spot any possible red flags you might have missed over text.^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source
Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network
Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors
Go to source}
- If your match refuses to video chat with you before meeting in person, be careful. This can be a sign that they’re not who they claim to be.
- Bumble offers built-in video chat and voice call features to make it easier to connect with your matches. Once you’ve made a match and started a conversation, look for video camera and phone icons to appear in the top right corner of the screen. Press the video icon to start a video chat, or the phone icon if you’d rather do a voice call.^{[5]
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4

Trust your gut and don’t rush it if it doesn’t feel right.

There are no set rules about how soon to meet. While dating experts recommend meeting sooner rather than later, every situation is different. If you’d rather take more time getting to know the person, that’s also okay.^{[6]
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- Keep your individual circumstances in mind as well. For instance, you might both have very busy schedules, or you may need to delay getting together due to COVID safety concerns. If life gets in the way, don’t sweat it—just try to schedule something for whenever you can.
- Just be aware that your match might move on if you keep delaying a meet-up indefinitely, so try to be clear about your intentions if you’re interested, but not ready just yet.

5

Respect the other person’s boundaries if they want to go slow.

Your match may not be ready to meet up, even if you are. If they’re not feeling it yet, be patient and don’t try to push them into anything they aren’t comfortable with. If you’re still really interested, give them a little more time to get to know you before bringing it up again.^{[7]
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- It’s also totally okay to move on if you don’t want to keep waiting. Say something like, “Hey, it’s been great chatting with you, but I don’t feel like things are really going anywhere with us. Best of luck finding the right person for you!”

6

Watch out for common red flags.

Before you meet up, consider whether you feel safe. If someone you match with on Bumble is giving you a sketchy vibe, trust your instincts. Be very careful—or don’t meet up with them at all—if you notice any major warning signs. For example, be cautious of Bumble users who:^{[8]
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Trustworthy Source
Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network
Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors
Go to source}
- Ask for money (which is also against Bumble’s rules).^{[9]
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- Suddenly disappear from the app, then reappear shortly after that with a new profile.
- Give only vague or evasive answers to your questions.
- Pressure you to do things you’re not comfortable with, such as giving them your phone number or meeting in person before you’re ready.
- Send sexual or overly romantic messages before you’ve had a chance to get to know each other.
- Ask for your home or work address, often with the excuse that they want to send you flowers or a gift.
- Make threats or insult you if you don’t do what they want.

7

Take safety precautions when you do meet up.

Even if you feel like you can trust your match, it’s important to stay safe. One of the drawbacks to online dating is that it can be easy for people to misrepresent themselves.^{[10]
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Trustworthy Source
Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network
Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors
Go to source}
- Agree to meet in a public place. Suggest a few fun options based on your match’s interests.^{[12]
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  Expert Source
  
  Collette Gee
  Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
  Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.}
- Let a friend or family member know that you’re going to be on a date. Tell them where you’re going and who you’ll be with. If you go anywhere else, shoot them a text to let them know.^{[14]
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  Expert Source
  
  Collette Gee
  Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
  Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.}
- Bring your own transportation so you don’t have to rely on your date to take you anywhere.^{[15]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Collette Gee
  Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
  Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.} If you don’t have a car, catch a ride from a friend, use a rideshare service, or hop on public transit.
- If you start to feel really unsafe on your date, ask a staff member at your date location (like a server or bartender) to help you out. For instance, they can distract your date, call a ride for you, or even call the police.
- Don’t be afraid to cut the date short and leave if you start to feel uncomfortable.
- Unless it's a special function, don't do any first date activities later than 11 PM.^{[16]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Collette Gee
  Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
  Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.}

Expert Q&A

Question

Where should I go on a first date?

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
Collette Gee is a Relationship Coach, Certified Violence Prevention Specialist, the Author of "Finding Happily… No Rules, No Frogs, No Pretending." Focusing on creating meaningful romantic relationships, Collette uses her experience having worked in the mental health industry as a psych nurse to conduct relationship coaching, online courses, and workshops to help women and men find lasting love. Prior to Collette's coaching business, she worked in the mental health field as a psych nurse which has helped inform her practice to create and sustain happy, healthy meaningful romantic relationships. Her work has been featured on TLC, London Live, the Huffington Post, and CNN.

Collette Gee

Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist

Expert Answer

First dates should be daytime activities, like getting tea or coffee, grabbing a slice of pizza, visiting a museum, or taking a hike in a popular area with lots of people.
Question

How do you protect yourself on a first date?

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
Collette Gee is a Relationship Coach, Certified Violence Prevention Specialist, the Author of "Finding Happily… No Rules, No Frogs, No Pretending." Focusing on creating meaningful romantic relationships, Collette uses her experience having worked in the mental health industry as a psych nurse to conduct relationship coaching, online courses, and workshops to help women and men find lasting love. Prior to Collette's coaching business, she worked in the mental health field as a psych nurse which has helped inform her practice to create and sustain happy, healthy meaningful romantic relationships. Her work has been featured on TLC, London Live, the Huffington Post, and CNN.

Collette Gee

Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist

Expert Answer

Let a friend or loved one know where you're going, and also share a picture of the person you're meeting up with. That way, other people know what he looks like if anything should happen.