How to Have Fun at a Party

Co-authored by Hyungbum Kang, MA, MSW, LCSW, MAC

Last Updated: January 20, 2023 References

For many people, the word “party” isn’t as fun as it sounds. If you’re uncomfortable in social situations, the thought of attending a party might even make you feel anxious or even sick to your stomach. If parties make you worried instead of excited, there’s still hope for you. By learning how to relax, improving your communication skills, and knowing a few fun party games, you’ll increase your chances of having fun.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Learning How to Relax

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Don’t try too hard to relax. Research suggests that the harder you try to relax, the more stressed out you’re likely to become.^{[1]
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Learn practical, physical exercises to help you relax. Practice these regularly. This may seem at odds with the previous step, but it isn’t, as it involves learning to relax, not trying to. Some things to learn:
- Deep, slow breathing
- Meditation
- Yoga
- Self-awareness
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3
Know what relaxes you. Part of learning how to relax is learning what relaxes you. Deep breathing and meditation are generally accepted as fundamental to any relaxation practice, but you will find other things that relax you too.
- Examples of other things that relax you might include knitting, reading a book, going for a walk, or playing a musical instrument.
4
Schedule time to practice relaxing. If you don’t schedule things, chances are you won’t do them. Look at your week and purposefully schedule in time to practice relaxation. Be specific about the time and the activity, and stick to your plan.
- For example, you might practice deep breathing between 6 and 6:15 p.m. every Thursday night, or read a book every Sunday between 8 and 9 p.m.
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Know how to meditate. A lot of people imagine sitting quietly for hours on end with a clear mind, and give up on meditation before they begin. The truth is, keeping a clear mind and sitting quietly is difficult for most of us. Here are some tips to get started:^{[2]
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- Start with short 3- to 5-minute sessions. If even that seems too long for you, try just a minute or two to start. Setting a timer on your phone can be helpful.
- Know what to expect from yourself. Don't expect your mind to be completely clear while meditating. It’s more useful to work on catching yourself when your mind drifts. With time, you’ll become quicker at catching your mind and setting it back on track.
- Meditate in your own way. If you struggle with sitting and doing nothing, try a walking meditation, where you focus your attention on the act of walking and the sensations that accompany it. You can also try a guided meditation, of which there are many videos and audio clips online.
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Ditch the all-or-nothing thinking.^{[3]
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Research source} If you miss a day practicing your relaxation techniques (deep breathing, meditation, yoga, walking etc.), don’t give up on your whole week. Just make a commitment to stick to your next scheduled relaxation day.
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Don’t worry about what others think of you.^{[4]
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Research source} This involves changing how you see yourself more than it does anyone else. The more confidence you have, the less you will worry about what others think of you.^{[5]
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- Know that what people think of you may be more of a reflection of their own issues and insecurities than an accurate reflection of you.
- It’s important to consider people’s feelings, and respond to any concerns that they express about your behaviour. Ultimately, though, what matters most is how you view yourself.^{[6]
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- If you think people are judging your or talking about you, try to ignore them and focus on something else, like a fun conversation. People who do that at a party have so little to talk about, they focus on other people. How dull!
- This is easier said than done, but it will work wonders for your self-confidence and your ability to relax.
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Let go of the idea of perfection.^{[7]
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Research source} A lot of people avoid doing things because they feel the conditions are not perfect. Maybe you feel like you look unattractive, or you’re feeling extra awkward the night of the party. Don’t give up on going.
- Telling yourself you’ll only have fun when the conditions are perfect isn’t very fun. In fact, it sets you up for never having fun, because life rarely goes the way we expect or want it to.
- Instead of being afraid of making a mistake, accept that you’re afraid and tell yourself that you’re going to make the most of the night, in spite of your fear.
- Instead of worrying about what might happen, make a goal to be positive and meet the night’s challenges as they come. Do this and you’ll feel stronger and more confident by the end of the night.
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Step outside of your comfort zone. Trying new things is a great way to build self-confidence and help you learn to relax even in difficult situations.
- Use the party as an opportunity to try doing low-risk things that you would not normally do: sing karaoke, talk to someone you don’t know, or lead a party game.
- Sticking to things that you know and feel comfortable with may feel safe, but it can also prevent you from changing and growing in important ways.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Being Likeable

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Be confident. If you have low self-esteem you're less likely to have fun in life, and you may even view the world as a hostile place. Taking care of yourself, both mentally and physically, is the most important thing you can do to build your self-confidence.^{[8]
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- Ways to take care yourself physically (these effect your mental health as well): get enough sleep, drink enough water, eat healthfully, exercise regularly.
- Ways to take care of yourself mentally: meditate, think positively, and combat negative self talk (that voice in your head that calls you dumb, useless etc.) with positive statements about yourself. You might ask your friends or family to help you come up with a list of your good qualities.
- Feeling like you look good will help you feel more confident and enjoy the party. Take time to do your hair and makeup (if you wear it), and wear an outfit and shoes you love.
2
Have good body language. Standing with good posture in an open, friendly position will invite others to talk to you. It will also put people at ease, which in turn may help put you at ease.
- Stand with a straight (but not too straight!) back, with your chest slightly out, your stomach in, your feet forward, and your hips and knees in a neutral position. Try not to force your body into this position, otherwise you’ll look stiff.
- Avoid slouching, crossing your arms over your chest, or otherwise looking worried or unapproachable.^{[9]
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- When talking to people, keep your chin down and stand at a slight angle to them so that you’re not facing them head on. This will make you seem more positive and non-judgemental.^{[10]
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Smile and laugh. If you’re frowning and looking unhappy, people will be less likely to approach you, and you may leave the party feeling as though no one wanted to talk to you, when in fact you might have pushed them away.
- Maybe don’t smile and laugh if you’re completely by yourself in one corner of the room though, unless you want to look possessed or deranged.
- Studies have shown that the physical act of smiling can actually boost your mood, so try to smile even if you don’t feel like it.^{[11]
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Be charismatic. When you’re speaking use your body language, emotions, and voice to boost the power of your words. Studies have shown that these things count more than the actual words you say.^{[12]
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- To build your charisma, practice speaking out loud in front of your mirror or a camera. Get a sense for what body language you use. Think about what works and what doesn’t.
- If you’re smiling, modulating your voice, and gesturing when you’re speaking (and not going over the top with these things), you’re doing pretty well!
5
Have a few good stories. Pick a few funny or interesting stories that you can tell in social situations, and then practice telling them. This is particularly helpful if you struggle with finding things to say when you speak to people.
- Some experts recommend having three good stories.^{[13]
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  Research source} Just make sure that you don’t always tell the same stories in front of (or to!) the same people. You may need to switch them up regularly.
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Be a good listener. Another great thing to do if you struggle with speaking in social situations is to just ask people about themselves, and then actively listen to them.^{[14]
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- Examples of things you can ask are, “How do you know the host?” or “How has your week been?” or “What do you do for fun?”^{[15]
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- Actively listening to someone means not interrupting them. It also means nodding or making short comments such as “yes” or “go on” to show you’re listening. When they’re done, repeat the gist of what they said to show understanding, and then ask follow-up questions.^{[16]
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- If the person you’re talking to begins talking about something you’re also excited about, resist the urge to interrupt. Really try to focus on what they’re talking about instead of thinking about what you’ll say when they’re done.
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Be interesting. The best way to be interesting is to have an interesting life. Have hobbies (music, dance, sports etc.), and hang out with people who excite and inspire you.^{[17]
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- Having hobbies and inspiring friends will make it easier for you to connect with other people. You’ll always have something interesting to talk about!
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Know how to join a conversation. If you arrive at the party alone and don’t know anyone very well, you can still join a group conversation. Here are a few ways that you can join a conversation:^{[18]
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- Walk up to a group but stay on the outskirts. Listen to what they’re saying and then after a few minutes, contribute if you think it makes sense to do so. Only do this if you have something relevant to say. If you don’t, move on to another group and try your luck there!
- Walk up and when there’s a break in the conversation, introduce yourself to the group. Say a brief “Hello” and your name, and then apologize for interrupting and ask them to go on with their conversation: “Hi I’m John. I just wanted to introduce myself. Please go on with your conversation!”
- Talk to a person on the outskirts of the group, and then turn your attention towards the whole group if appropriate.
- If the group wants to include you in their conversation, they’ll smile and make room for you. If the group politely says hello but then returns to their conversation without making space for you, just move to another group or person. Try not to take it personally. They could be having a private conversation.^{[19]
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Be yourself. It’s important to always stay true to yourself in social situations. Even if you’re working on stepping outside of your comfort zone, you can be honest about your basic likes, dislikes, and values.
- Example: If you don’t like drinking or doing drugs, don’t do them just to fit in. The same goes for anything else that you don’t feel comfortable doing. Stepping outside your comfort zone is important, but you can do that with things that don’t go against your personal values.
- Example: You’re all dancing and a song you don’t like comes on. Everyone is cheering and starts dancing harder. You can look at a friend or the person next to you and say while smiling, “I actually kind of hate this song,” then shrug and say “but I gotta dance” and keep dancing.
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Help out the host. If you feel like you need a break from the festivities, ask the host if there’s anything you can do to help out. The host will appreciate your help.
- The host may insist that you just have fun, but you can say it’s okay you feel like you need a bit of a breather anyway, and would be happy to do dishes or set up a plate, or whatever else they may need done.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Playing Party Games

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Bring some game ideas to the party. If things get slow, you can suggest some games to play. Make sure they’re simple and quick to learn. If they’re too complicated people will likely lose interest pretty quickly.
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Know that you don’t have to play every game. If the party-goers decide on a game that you’re uncomfortable with, it’s okay to politely decline and do something else while they play the game. You can also suggest an alternative game.
- Common games that make people feel uncomfortable include spin the bottle and seven minutes in heaven, which involve making out with others who you may not want to make out with.
- If you feel weird sitting on the sidelines and watching, go into the kitchen and clean up, or excuse yourself and go to another room until they’re done.
- The same goes for drinking/drugs. If you’re not interested, just politely decline.
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Play sticker stalker.^{[20]
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Research source} Bring a bunch of stickers to the party and ensure that everyone gets 1 sheet of stickers. The goal is to stick the stickers to other guests without them noticing.
- If someone notices you putting a sticker on them, you have to take it back, and they get to put one of their stickers on you.
- Whoever gets rid of all their stickers first wins.
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Play camera hot potato.^{[21]
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Research source} For this game you’ll need a point-and-shoot camera with a flash and self-timer. The instructions are as follows:
- Sit on the floor in a circle.
- Set the self-timer on the camera and pass it around.
- Each player must quickly hold the camera out in front of them as if taking a selfie before passing it on to the next player.
- At some point the camera will go off, ideally when someone is holding it out in front of them.
- If you don’t have a self-timing camera, you can also just have someone control the stereo, randomly stopping songs without looking at the group. Whenever the song stops, the person stuck with the camera must snap their selfie.
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Play likes and dislikes.^{[22]
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Research source} This one is a great icebreaker that helps you get to know everyone at the party. How to play:
- Pass out index cards and pens.
- Have everyone write out 5 likes on one side of the card, and 5 dislikes on the other side.
- Put the cards in a box and shake them up.
- Walk around the room and have everyone draw a card.
- Each person reads their card and guesses who it belongs to. Others are allowed to put in their guesses too.
- Do this until everyone has read their card.
- To make it a bit harder, don’t reveal whose card is whose until everyone has finished guessing.
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Play the laughing game.^{[23]
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Research source} Sit around a table or in an otherwise circular position where you can easily see and hear each other. Going around the circle, each player must say “Ha”, “Ho”, or “Hee” without laughing. Whoever laughs is out of the game.
- Keep going around the circle until there’s only one person left.
- You can make it even harder by setting the rule that everyone must keep a straight face — they can’t even smile.
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Play two truths and a lie.^{[24]
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Research source} This is another great way to get to know people. Here’s how to play:
- Sit in a circle.
- Tell each person to think of 3 things they will say about themselves. Two statements should be true, and one should be a lie.
- Going around the room, each person says their three statements, then the group votes on which one is a lie, and the person who made up the statements reveals which was a lie.
- Try to keep your truths and lies lighthearted, especially if you don't know anyone at the party very well. Make them interesting or funny, not too sad or serious.
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Play freeze dance.^{[25]
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Research source} Everyone dances and one person controls the stereo. When the music stops, everyone has to freeze. Whoever is still moving the moment the music stops is out.
- Take turns controlling the stereo for this one, and be sure that whoever controlling the stereo isn’t watching the group.
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Give yourself a goal that you must accomplish by the end of the night. This will help you break out of your shell, and even if you don’t manage to do anything else that night, if you achieve that one goal, you can feel proud of yourself.
- For example, make a goal to ask at least 5 people you don't know how they know the host.
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Pretend to be someone else.^{[26]
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Research source} You can play this game along, but it’s more fun to play with friends. This game works best when a few of you are going to a party where no one knows you.
- You can really get into it by discussing your costumes and characters, including your back stories, with your friends. You can even make up fake names.
- You might even put on a fake accent and pretend to be from somewhere else.
- Avoid doing this at work-related parties or other parties where you might meet someone who you’ll have to work with in real life. They might be weirded out or feel resentful toward you if they know you fooled them.

Community Q&A

Question

How should I react if I get embarrassed or laughed at?

Mallory Myers

Community Answer

At a party, everyone is usually in a fun and happy mood, so just laugh with them, even if it is uncomfortable. It's not like they will like you any less after an 'embarrassing' moment.
Question

How do I join a conversation?

Community Answer

Just walk up to someone (or a group) and introduce yourself! That's a great way to meet new people. If the group is in the middle of a conversation, just walk up with a smile on your face and listen until there is an appropriate moment for you to make a comment or ask a question.
Question

I usually only wear one type of style of clothes when I'm around the people I'm going to a party with (it isn't a dress code). Should I wear the same thing, or try something different?

Community Answer

Change it up! If you're an older teen, try the rebel sexy look: jeans, crop top, darker shades of makeup and black or bright red lipstick with boots with heels and hair wavy and down. If you are younger, then go for the sweet, pure, and innocent: a pretty party dress, curly hair, a bit of blush, and jewelry and cute but stylish flats.

Warnings

If you drink, make sure that you have a safe way to get home. NEVER drink and drive. Never get in the car with a driver who is drunk, buzzed, or otherwise impaired.

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At parties and clubs it’s particularly important to keep an eye on your glass, regardless of whether you’re drinking alcohol. Someone could put drugs in your drink even while you’re holding it, so really make sure that you are aware of your surroundings.

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If you’re of legal drinking age and want to drink, do it responsibly. Drink slowly too avoid becoming too drunk. You may even want to alternate your alcoholic drinks with a glass of water (1 drink, 1 glass of water).

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Drinking alcohol impairs your ability to make good judgments.^{[28]
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Research source} If you feel nervous at a party, it may be tempting to drink, but there are other ways to have fun.

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If you no longer experience interest or fun in anything, you may be suffering from depression. If this has been going on for a while, you may want to consult your doctor.^{[29]
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