How to Handle Teasing

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: March 26, 2020 References

Do you get teased a lot at school? Do you not really know what to do to get the person to leave you alone? There are a number of tricks you can use to silence a person who's teasing or bullying you. Learn how to respond better in the moment, use techniques for ignoring the person, and get help from others.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Responding to Teasing

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Laugh it off. Some teasing isn't as bad-natured as it may seem. Actually, people who tease other people tend to think it's less harmful than it feels.^{[1]
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Research source} If the person teasing you is a friend or someone you know doesn't want to actually hurt you, try to laugh it off. Sometimes, teasing is even a way of showing affection.^{[2]
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Research source} It isn't always meant to be taken too seriously, so roll with the punches. You can come up with a funny response, or try saying things like:
- "That was a good one!"
- Very funny. Ha ha."
- "Nice try."
- "You'll have to try harder than that."
2
Hone your problem solving skills. One strategy to handle being teased is to brainstorm your options. This can be anything from planning your routes to coming up with a plan if you get cornered by someone who teases you. Make a list of two or three things you could do to handle the teasing better. Here are some examples:
- Stay within sight of adults at school.
- Stay out of unsupervised places where a lot of teasing happens, such as the locker room or bus stop.^{[3]
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  Research source}
- Prepare some quick responses you can throw out to the teaser to get him off your back.
- Practice not responding to the teaser. Learn to control your anger so that you don't give him any ammunition.
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3
Ask the person teasing you to stop. Standing up for yourself is a good way to get people to stop teasing you. If you assert yourself and give consequences for teasing, many teasers will back off. It's much easier to tease a target who doesn't defend himself than it is one who decides to stand his ground. This may not work in all situations, but asserting yourself is a good first step to deal with someone who is teasing you.
- For example, you can say "You can't tease me like that. Leave me alone, or I'll do whatever it takes to defend myself."
4
Train in a martial art. Taking classes in kickboxing or jiujitsu are good ways to learn how to defend yourself. You shouldn't pick fights, and they will teach you in these classes to only use violence as a last resort, but even training in a martial art will make you more confident.^{[4]
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Research source} It will also cause your teaser to second-guess messing with you.
5
Work on your self-presentation.^{[5]
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Research source} Look at yourself in the mirror and ask if you look and feel confident. If not, ask what you could do to change that. Would a hair-cut make you feel more confident? New clothes? Standing up straighter?
- You can also work on things like practicing your "strong voice." You don't need to yell, just practice putting a lot of power behind what you say. You've probably heard people use this firm tone before, such as parents or teachers. Try to speak from your stomach rather than your throat.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Ignoring the Teasing

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Walk away. Sometimes the easiest way to handle being teased is to get away from the person teasing you. Since teasing is usually not as physical or mean as bullying, it shouldn't be too hard to walk away.^{[6]
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Research source} Here are some things you can say to the teasing person while you leave:
- "I don't have time for this. I've got better things to do."
- "I don't have to put up with this."
- "Find someone else to tease."
2
Avoid the person. Another strategy is to avoid the teaser in the first place. Learn his schedule of classes or how routine in order to figure out what you should do to avoid crossing his path. For example, s/he may sit at a certain table at lunch, or s/he might take a particular route home. Find out where s/he goes and plan different routes. You can enlist help from friends who may have seen him/her around.
3
Tune them out. Ignoring someone who teases you can take the ball out of his court. If you come across your teaser, look straight ahead and pretend not to hear anything he says. If you have an mp3 player and earbuds, listen to music so that you don't have to hear her/him. Avoid seeming frightened and never looking in his/her direction, which can make you seem like an easy target, but don't give him/her the time of day either.^{[7]
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Research source}
4
Distance yourself emotionally. Pretend he/she is talking to someone else. If she/he is not your friend then he doesn't really know you, anyway, so he/she might as well be. Practice putting a protective shield around yourself by realizing that his/her words don't have to affect you. They're just words and he/she is not an important person in your life.
- It can help to understand why people who tease other people do what they do. If the teaser is more of a bully, he/she has probably had a difficult life. He/she may attribute hostility to the people around him and have a lot of paranoia. Understanding that he/she is a hurt, fragile human being can help you put the behavior into context.^{[8]
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5
Change the topic. You may be able to distract and redirect your teaser by changing the topic of discussion. Think of this as a magic trick to fool people who try to tease you. If you don't give the person teasing you anything to work with, he won't be able to keep going. In a way he/she needs your involvement in order to tease you. Here are some techniques you can use:
- Pretend like you didn't hear the teasing comment and continue on with whatever you were saying before.
- Forcibly change the topic. If someone is teasing you, act like you don't care and start talking about something else, such as homework or what you're going to do when you get home. This will take the steam out of his/her sails.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Getting Help with Teasing

1
Ask a friend to back you up. Having a friend with you is a strong deterrent for people who tease and bully others. It's a lot harder to deal with two people than one person. If you're worried about being teased on the way home from school or in-between classes, plan it out so that you'll be with a friend at these times.
- Say to your friend, "Hey, will you walk with me to class so [teaser's name] won't mess with me?"
2
Seek help from a teacher or principal. If the teasing is bad, enlist help from a teacher or principal at your school. It's their job to protect you. You don't need to feel like you're "telling" on the teaser; he/she is the one at fault and all you're doing is taking care of yourself -- and others, most likely, since he probably teases multiple people. There are things that teachers and principals can do to stop the teasing and make you feel safe. Don't be afraid to involve them.
- You can tell her/him , "This guy/gal is teasing me and I need help. Can I talk to you about it?"
3
Get your parents to intervene. If your teacher isn't doing anything about the teasing, or if it's out of her control, talk to your parents. They can talk to someone higher up in the school's administration and get the situation fixed. It may not seem "cool" to ask your parents for help, but it will be worth it in the long run. Harsh teasing can disrupt your academic achievement and your self-esteem.
- Try telling your parents, "This guy at school is teasing me. Is there anything you can do to stop it from happening? Can you talk to the school?"
4
Talk to the school counselor. Some school counselors are actually trained in dealing with teasing and bullying. Going to a school counselor is a great option if you're having a hard time handling the effects of being bullied. They can help you cope with the teasing, and what you say to them is confidential. The meeting will be private and the person or people who tease you will never know.
- Tell your teacher that you want to see the school counselor. S/he can help you find the right person to talk to.
5
Call a teasing help-line or find a support group. If you need someone to talk to or want additional support, try a help-line or support group for teasing/bullying. Talking to people who are going through similar difficulties can help you feel understood. You can also discuss strategies together for dealing with being teased. Here are links to an online support group and a crisis hotline that you can call:
- Click here for an online support group.
- Click here for a crisis services hotline you can call.

Warnings

If you're being physically abused or if the teasing is really hurtful, tell an authority figure immediately. Don't try to handle it by yourself.

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