How to Handle Negative Situations

Last Updated: January 1, 2021 References

It’s really frustrating to deal with negative situations. Unfortunately, problems do tend to come up in both your work and personal lives. While it might seem difficult, it’s important to focus on the positives and not let the negativity drag you down. Once you’ve shifted to a positive mindset, you can work towards finding a solution. Negativity can be draining, so make sure you take steps to practice self-care so that you are meeting your own needs.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Staying Positive

1
Choose to accept the situation. When a problem pops up, it’s pretty normal to find yourself thinking something like, “What? This cannot be happening!” It’s a common reaction, but not always a useful one. Shift your thinking right away and accept that the problem is indeed happening. Think to yourself, “This is not a good situation, but it’s happening.”^{[1]
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- Putting off dealing with the problem or just pretending the negativity doesn’t exist can be tempting. However, it’s usually best to face the problem head-on.
2
Find the positives instead of focusing solely on the negatives. It can be easy to look only at the negatives. Take a minute to think calmly about the situation, and then make a list of the positives. The list can be mental or you can jot your thoughts down. This will help you to remain calm and productive.^{[2]
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- For example, you might be upset that one of your employees complained about your management style. Instead of getting angry, think of this as an opportunity to communicate with that person and figure out how you can both have a more positive experience at work.
- Maybe you discover that your sister is moving to a new city and you are upset because you’ll miss her. Instead of focusing on the negative emotions, think about the fact that now you’ll have a fun reason to travel to her new city.
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3
Challenge negative thoughts and release them. If you find that negative thoughts are still popping up, acknowledge them, and then reject them. You can think something like, “Yes, this is a big problem. But I reject this negativity and choose to focus on the positives.” You might have to repeat this a few times, but if you actively choose to release the thoughts, they’ll eventually go away.^{[3]
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- You can also respond directly to specific thoughts. For example, if you think, “It’s all my fault that sales are down this quarter. What a disaster,” try saying to yourself, “I’m new at my job and there is a learning curve. This is a great opportunity for me to try out some of those new ideas that I have.”
4
Look for the lesson in the situation. While negative situations aren’t fun, they usually offer a great opportunity to learn something. Take a step back and look objectively at what’s going on. Ask yourself if it's possible to learn how to avoid such problems or if you can find a way to learn how to deal with them gracefully. Ask yourself, "Once I'm through this, what will I have learned?" Make a list of possible lessons, if writing things out helps you think.^{[4]
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- Maybe your significant other just broke up with you and you feel really hurt. The lesson might be that you realize you rushed into living together and that it might be best to go more slowly the next time.
- Or it might be that your boss reprimanded you for not meeting your sales goals. You could look at this as an opportunity to learn some new tactics that can help you succeed.
5
Put the problem in perspective. It can definitely feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders when you’re dealing with a negative situation. However, when you are upset it can also be easy to forget that a problem might not be as major as it first seems. Choose a response that actually fits the situation.^{[5]
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- For example, if your boss tells you that you need to improve your sales, don’t let your thoughts spiral into, "I’m getting fired. What will I tell my partner? How will I pay my bills? Where will I find another job?” Instead, focus on the actual problem at hand, which is improving your sales.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Working Toward a Solution

1
Think before you react. If someone has hurt you or made you angry, you might feel like lashing out. Take some deep breaths and think about a response that will be more productive.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Nicolette Tura, MA
Authentic Living Expert
Expert Interview. 23 January 2020.} If necessary, excuse yourself for a few minutes to get it together before responding.^{[7]
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- Say, “Okay. I’m going to take a quick break and then I’ll respond to the issue you’ve brought up.”
2
Ask yourself what a role model might do. While you are formulating your response, think about someone that you admire and respect. Then think about how they might handle the situation, and try to model your response after how you think that person might handle it.^{[8]
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- Maybe you are arguing with your friend about something. Try thinking about how a mutual friend might view the argument and then base your response on what they would do.
- You might have a co-worker that is always poised and in control. Think about how they would respond to your boss’s critiques and then try to do the same.
3
Respond to the situation in a positive way. After you’ve gathered your thoughts, choose a measured and constructive reaction.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Nicolette Tura, MA
Authentic Living Expert
Expert Interview. 23 January 2020.} Make your point clearly and calmly, and then give the other person a chance to respond.^{[10]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}
- Tell your boss, “I understand that this quarter wasn’t my best. Do you have some suggestions that might help me improve? I’d like to learn from this situation.”
- Maybe you’ve learned that your pet is sick and you are devastated. Your response could be to ask the vet to help you come up with a treatment plan. You’re allowed to feel sad, but you can still respond in a way that is constructive.
4
Keep your response brief if communication isn’t working. Sometimes it’s not worth arguing. If you don’t feel like you can be positive, or if the other person isn’t willing to talk, just keep it short and simple. You can try again tomorrow, if necessary.^{[11]
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- Just say, “I hear you. Let’s talk tomorrow after we’ve had time to think.”
5
Get support from someone who can help you. There’s no shame in asking for help. No matter what you’re dealing with, there is likely someone who can help you. Ask your manager, a co-worker, a friend, or a family member for advice. Calmly let them know what you’re dealing with and say you could use their support.^{[12]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Controlling Your Mindset

1
Start practicing gratitude. You can keep a gratitude journal or just make it a point to pick something to be grateful for each day. Practicing gratitude will help you to feel better about your life in general. That will give you the strength to handle negative situations.^{[13]
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- Each night, you could write down 5 things that you were grateful for that day.
2
Focus on your breathing to relax. Stress can take a toll on your mind and body. When you’re dealing with something negative, take a minute to breathe. This will help you to feel calmer and able to cope. Take 5 deep breaths in and 5 deep breaths out.^{[14]
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- You can practice deep breathing anytime that you feel stressed.
- Try meditation or yoga as a way to help focus on your breathing.
3
Get some exercise to reduce stress. It’s hard to handle tough situations if you’re not feeling great physically. Make it a point to get 30 minutes of exercise most days of the week. Exercise is a great mood booster and regulator.^{[15]
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- Pick something that you like to do to make exercising fun. For example, if you love to dance, try a cardio dance workout.
- You can also choose to do something as simple as taking a walk over your lunch break.
4
Plan for a fresh start tomorrow. It’s tough, but try not to carry your negative feelings into the next day. The situation might still be there, but you can choose to approach it feeling positive and refreshed. Try writing down what you’re upset about before going to bed. This will help you let go of negative thoughts.^{[16]
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- When you wake up, take a few minutes to practice gratitude or take some deep breaths. This will help you to start your day on a positive note.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Handling Specific Situations

1
Deal with difficult family members by calmly setting boundaries. In most situations, the best way to cope is to stay calm. You can set boundaries by clearly telling the other person what you need from them and what you are comfortable with. Use "I" statements to avoid sounding confrontational.^{[17]
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- You can say, "I don't feel comfortable talking to you about my political beliefs. I'm going to have to leave the room if you bring the topic up again."
- Another good boundary to set is how much time you want to spend with them. Try saying, "I don't have time to help you clean your house each week. I'm sorry, but you'll need to find another solution."
2
Communicate with your friends to help alleviate drama. Even though you love your friends, conflicts often come up, particularly in groups of friends. If you're involved in the drama, talk openly with your friends about what is bothering you. Be honest and use "I" statements so that you don't sound like you're blaming them. ^{[18]
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- If you're not involved directly in the conflict, try to play mediator. Ask your friends to sit down and talk with one another. You can join the conversation to help keep things calm and productive.
- If communication doesn't work, or if the friendship is no longer positive, it's okay to take a step back from the relationship. Tell your friends that you need a break. Or, if you don't want to hang out anymore, you can make that clear, too.
3
Set a budget and reasonable goals to cope with financial stress. Don't be afraid to let your partner or your family know what you're dealing with. They might have some great advice for you. If you don't have a budget, make one. Keep track of your monthly expenses and income and see where you can make changes. It's also helpful to set attainable goals. Even something as small as putting $25 a week in savings can really make a difference.
- Focus on paying down your debt as quickly as possible.
- See a financial planner if you feel like you need some professional guidance.