How to Get a Second Date

In the age of online dating, getting a first date may feel like a snap. The second date, though, may be a lot harder to score, maybe making you curious about how you can improve your chances the next go-round. There are so many easy (and fun!) ways to make yourself a great date and ultimately, get yourself that second hangout. You've got so many amazing qualities that will shine through, so the real trick is just staying relaxed, being present, and following up. You got this! Below, we've outlined some super effective and simple ways to get a second date. 

1

Chat up your date before meeting.

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    You're likely to snag a second date if you build rapport before the first. Chatting prior to meeting up can help you go into the date with more understanding of one another. You may already have jokes to make, thoughtful questions to ask, and a gift in hand that you know the other person loves. If you have an idea of what your date enjoys and doesn't enjoy, you can also incorporate that into you plans to score some bonus points.[1]
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2

Be on time for your first date.

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    To earn a second meetup, show your date you’re reliable and respectful. One of the easiest ways to prove that you care about your date is by showing up on time. Conversely, showing up late could send the message that you don’t really care about how things go. Of course, things happen; you might have hit an insane amount of traffic, had a work emergency, or gotten lost. Just make sure you apologize and explain yourself![2]  
3

Be in the moment.

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    The best dates are spontaneous and truly present. So, to nail your first date (and score a second one) take every moment in stride, listening, remaining flexible, and just having fun. If your date decides that ice cream is a must, but you’d carefully planned a post-dinner boba trip, don’t stress! Don’t worry about sticking to a plan; ice cream may actually be really fun![3]
    • Maybe on the way to ice cream, you hear a street performer with a killer voice. If your date seems into it, don’t be afraid to stop and listen. 
    • A great date is more about having fun and connecting than about hitting every activity on a checklist. 
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4

Focus on getting to know your date.

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    Having the right mindset on date #1 will help you score date #2. The two of you are simply trying to get to know each other and better understand if there's a potential for romantic connection. It can be really hard not to focus on saying the right things, strategizing, or performing for your date, but you should try not to. The best dates happen when both people are focused on discovering the other person, not "winning" the first date.[4] [5]
    • Stay in the moment be really listening to what your date is saying. Nod your head, ask informed questions, and validate their feelings when you can.[6]
    • You should totally be able to share your own stuff too, but to knock the first date out of the park, let the other person have the floor as much as they want it.
    • Try not to change topics too much during your conversation. You don't want it to feel like a job interview![7]

 

5

Keep things light and sunny.

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    Positive people give off great energy. By being an uplifting, warm person to be around, you'll appeal to your date and hopefully, earned a follow up. Avoid complaining on the first date, bringing up bad memories, and definitely try to avoid negative comments about the date itself. Of course, you want to be authentic, but when you can, channel your optimistic side. If you have a positive thought, definitely share it with your date:[8]
    • “This shrimp is amazing! I’m actually so impressed. This place is delicious.”
    • “I love your watch, where did you get it?”
    • “I love LA. In my opinion, this is the most magical city in the world. What do you think?” 
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6

Be genuine on your first date.

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    Your date will be more likely to want to see you again if you're authentic. A lot of times, people can tell when they’re speaking to someone who’s being insincere. And with all of your fabulous qualities, you should totally be treating your date to the realest you. The more genuine you are, the more likely the two of you are to find an authentic connection—and that’s how you score a second date.[9]
    • Try being positive, but real. “I'm glad I made it this far in my career, but it was tough. I had a really hard time keeping up for a long time.” 
    • Be honest about your hobbies. “I love higher-quality movies and books, but I’m not going to lie. I’ve also seen every episode of Love Island and The Bachelor.” 
7

Get them talking about something they love.

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    To forge a connection, talk about your date's passions. It may sound simple, but when another person shows a genuine interest in something we care about, it can mean a lot.[10] So if you notice your date’s eyes light up when they talk about their niece, their job, or their passion for Russian literature, keep asking them questions. By showing them you care about what they care about, you'll be an awesome first date (and be more likely to get a second one!).[11]  
    • “Wow, it sounds like you and your niece are really close. What do you two normally love to do together?”
    • “I can’t imagine how rewarding it would be to be a teacher. What’s your favorite part and what’s the most challenging?”
    • “I’ve only read a little bit of Tolstoy and Chekhov. What do I absolutely need to read next?”
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8

Find ways to connect on a personal level.

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    The best way to get a second date is to build a rapport on your first. This might come in the form of a shared love of vegetarian eating, a mutual appreciation for the Pacific Northwest, or maybe a life experience that both of you have had, like moving away from home when you were young. If your date says something that you relate to, follow up on it. And as you continue to dig into the conversation, keep asking them thoughtful questions to foster even more of a connection.[12]
    • "I'm a vegetarian, too! At first it was for the environment, but now I've realized it just makes me feel better. Why'd you start?"
    • "I would go to Bend every year with my family. It's my favorite place in the world. Do you think you'll ever move to that area?" 
    • "Right, it's so hard but so rewarding. I do think I want to move back by my family at some point, though. What about you?"
9

Put your date's comfort first.

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    Making your date feel safe and confident should be a top priority. Try to make sure you stay in safe environments, avoid pressuring your date, and feel free to ask your date if they’re comfortable when you’re unsure. You can also try giving them outs periodically throughout the date, so that they always feel like things are happening on their own terms.[13]
    • “Let me know if you get sleepy or something. I love hanging out with you, but I can totally get you a ride home if you need it.”
    • You can add to your date’s confidence by throwing them a thoughtful compliment. “You have such a nice voice. I love listening to you speak.” 
    • A second date will be way more likely to happen if your date felt great the first go-round—and you can make sure that happens!
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10

Be a super fun date.

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    To lock in a second date, prove that you're a great time. It’s no secret that people love to have fun. Dating can be intimidating, and sometimes, it may even feel a bit like work. So, to earn yourself a second date, try being an ultra-exciting breath of fresh air. Crack jokes, play games, be silly, and don’t be afraid to make fun of yourself a bit.[14]
    • If the two of you are walking through a park together, why not ask for a quick race to the next tree? 
    • If the restaurant you planned to eat at closes early, turn the that into something fun. "First person to get us a new table gets their dessert paid for!”
    • Try some creative, funny people-watching. Take turns going back and forth, making up nearby strangers' relationships and conversations.
11

Avoid red-flag behavior.

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    Using your phone or talking about an ex may send the wrong message. It may seem like harmless, but avoiding those two behaviors will make you way more likely to snag a second date. If you’re sitting on your phone, playing games, calling someone, texting, or even checking emails, your date may feel like slighted. Similarly, if you were hurt by an ex, it may be super tempting to bring up your breakup. But this usually isn't a great idea, because it can make you seem like you're not over your last partner.[15]
    • If you need to use your phone, head for a bathroom break first. This way, you can respond to an email without making your date feeling ignored.  
    • If the conversation is headed in the direction of relationships/breakups reframe your comments so they aren't directly about your ex.
    • Don't say, “My ex, Rachel, made me feel totally alone when we broke up.” Instead try, “When you break up with someone, the hardest part is feeling lonely.” 
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12

Plan the second date on the first date.

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    You can skip the follow up texts and calls if you make plans in person. When you're caught up in the fun of the evening, you're chatting face to face, and your date has mentioned an activity they want to try, this is the perfect time to plan another date. This way, you don't have to deal with phone tag or trying to decipher your date's feelings over text. You'll definitely raise your chances of getting to a second date if you plan it on the first one. When it comes up naturally, feel free to steer the conversation towards your next meetup. 
    • If you're date mentions a movie they'd like to see, ask to go with. "I actually really wanted to see Sing 2, too. Maybe I could join you?" 
    • If your date pokes fun at you for not having been to a certain restaurant, use that to your advantage, "You'll have to show me what I'm missing." 
13

Follow up with a nice text.

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    Make it clear that you want to keep communicating. Within a couple hours of the date ending, send a sweet or funny text that will subtly tell your date that you want to stay in touch. By sending this signal, you'll have majorly increased your chances of scoring a second date. You'll have removed the mystery from your side of the equation, so all that'll be left is your date's decision. This way, there's way less opportunity for miscommunication![16]
    • "Hey, I had a really great time tonight. I'd love to see you again!"
    • Or, use a callback to something that happened earlier, "Remember when you said I had terrible taste in TV?? Well, I promise to watch three of your recommendations in exchange for the chance to see you again. " 
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References

  1. ↑ https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/how-be-better-online-dating-according-psychology-ncna979791.
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-dynamics-love/201803/how-ace-the-first-date
  3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-dynamics-love/201803/how-ace-the-first-date
  4. ↑ https://youtu.be/576MeL177Bw?t=132
  5. ↑ Lisa Shield. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.
  6. ↑ Lisa Shield. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.
  7. ↑ Lisa Shield. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.
  8. ↑ https://time.com/135945/make-people-like-you/
  9. ↑ https://youtu.be/576MeL177Bw?t=108
  1. ↑ Lisa Shield. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/can-t-we-all-just-get-along/201904/how-really-connect-someone
  3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/202103/how-date-successfully-in-5-steps
  4. ↑ https://www.healthguidance.org/entry/18805/1/ways-to-make-your-date-feel-comfortable-your-first-time-out.html
  5. ↑ https://youtu.be/576MeL177Bw?t=108
  6. ↑ https://youtu.be/O7epKVh8aV8?t=75
  7. ↑ https://youtu.be/yAptRLzgUpg?t=49
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