How to Get a Paternity Test When the Mother Refuses

Co-authored by Clinton M. Sandvick, JD, PhD

Last Updated: February 11, 2023 References

Establishing paternity of a child is important for many reasons, but may be hindered if the mother is hesitant or uncooperative. The process of establishing paternity may involve discussion, negotiation, mediation or legal action. A potential father may want to know if the child is his so he can establish a relationship with the child and begin providing monthly support. On the other hand, a man may be asked for child support for a child that he does not believe is his. In both cases, sometimes the mother refuses to get a paternity test. Here's how to get a paternity test when the mother refuses.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Determining Paternity Through Discussion or Negotiation

1
Talk to the mother of the child. Let her know your concerns and that you want to establish paternity of the child. Pursue the paternity test, if possible, without having to file a paternity lawsuit and request a DNA test. Remember to remain calm, friendly, and non-threatening.
- Find out why the mother does not want to submit herself or the child for a paternity test. Understanding her reasoning will help you determine the best way to convince her to obtain the test.
- The goal of these discussions should be to establish a relationship of trust between you and the mother, making her more likely to agree to testing without the use of legal compulsion.
2
Tell the mother why you want to determine paternity. Be sure that she understands that determining paternity is in her own best interests and the best interests of the child.
- If you believe a child is yours, you might explain to her the legal and financial benefits of determining paternity. The child will have inheritance rights and the right to financial support.
- If you believe the child is not yours, that child has a right to know its true biological father, and that knowledge will have lifelong emotional, psychological, and physical repercussions. These include the right to know his or her medical history, inheritance rights, and child support rights, not to mention the right to a relationship with the father.
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3
Choose a testing facility that is court-approved or have the testing done in a doctor's office. Instead of just buying a kit on the internet or at a drug store, testing through an approved facility will ensure that the results of the test are not contaminated and are unbiased. This will ensure that the results will be admissible in court in case you need to use the results to contest current custody or child support arrangements.
- Court-approved tests require what is known as a "legal chain of custody," meaning that the DNA sample itself does not leave the custody of those who are legally responsible for ensuring the purity of its results. These tests cannot be done in your own home, where the results could be tampered with.
- There are many labs across the United States that can handle your specimens (generally a small blood sample or cheek swab from both you and the child). If you're uncertain if a lab is a good choice, contact your attorney before submitting to the test.
4
Determine your next course of action pursuant to the results of this test. If the results confirm that you are the father, and you are already listed on the birth certificate, no more steps are needed.
- Similarly, if the results confirm that you are not the father, and you are not listed on the birth certificate, no more steps are needed.
- If the results show that you are the father and you are not listed on the birth certificate, and no one else is listed, if the mother is in agreement you can now file for an amendment of the birth certificate. If no one is listed on the birth certificate, this process can vary by state, but is generally simple. You can expect to file for a new birth certificate with your state's Department of Vital Statistics, which involves filling out a form, both parents signing the form to confirm parentage, and paying a required fee for a new birth certificate.^{[1]
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- If the results show that you are the father and you are not listed on the birth certificate, and another man is listed as father on the birth certificate, the court must order an "adjudication" which means that the court will decide (adjudicate) who the father is before amending the birth certificate. You should consult a lawyer to begin this process, which can vary by state.
- If the results show that you are the father and you are not listed on the birth certificate, or if the results show that you are NOT the father and you are listed on the certificate, AND the mother is not in agreement or refuses to file for amendment of the birth certificate, you will need to take legal action by requesting a court ordered establishment of parental rights or termination of your paternal obligation.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Determining Paternity Through Legal Action

1
Determine that discussion and negotiation will not convince the mother, and resort to legal action. This should be a last resort, because it can set a negative tone to the interactions between a mother and potential father. Even if you don't believe you are the father, if there is any chance you could be, you should try to preserve a respectful relationship with the child's mother. Unfortunately, sometimes legal action is your only option.
- If a mother refuses to determine paternity, a court can order a paternity test in order to gain visitation or custody rights, or to prove you are not the father in a situation where your name appears on the birth certificate.
2
Find out your rights if you believe you are not the father of a child that you are supporting financially. Laws vary by state, but in most states if you have signed an establishment of paternity and are paying child support or otherwise supporting a child that you believe is not your biological child, you can take certain steps.
- In most states, you must file what is called a "Disestablishment of paternity" or "termination of child support obligation" in the circuit court that has jurisdiction over your child support ruling.
- You can find out your state-specific rights by contacting an attorney familiar with your jurisdiction.
3
Find out your rights if you believe you are the father of the child. While mothers receive default custody under the law, fathers' rights are also important in the eyes of the law. Knowing your rights will help you determine the proper course of action.
- In most states, you have the right to file a paternity case if you are not listed on the birth certificate or acknowledgement of paternity (a form that is usually completed by parents in the hospital at the time of birth). In some states such as Texas, if another man is listed as the child's father on the birth certificate, you can only file a paternity case if it has been 4 years or less since the birth; be sure to check your local laws.
- You can find out your state-specific rights by contacting an attorney familiar with your jurisdiction.
4
Hire an attorney. Whether you are wanting to establish or disestablish your paternity of a child, the nuances of paperwork, court filings, and court appearances can be complicated. It helps to have a professional on your side who knows the local laws and procedures and can guide you through the process.
- Explain to your attorney that you have tried to (dis-)establish paternity with the mother of the child you believe to be yours.
- Let your attorney know that you want to know for sure whether you are the child's father so that you can establish visitation, a relationship, and begin paying for his or her monthly support, or because you feel you are being made legally responsible for a child who is not yours under false pretenses.
5
Ask your attorney about applicable paternity law in your state. State statutes and ordinances vary. The attorney will be well versed in these procedures.
- Request the appropriate legal forms so you can file your paternity lawsuit. In most states, you will be required to fill out a Petition to Establish Parental Relationships or a Petition to Disestablish Parental Relations (sometimes called a Termination of Child Support Obligation); a Summons; and a Declaration under Uniform Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act. Since these can vary by state, it is important that you talk to your attorney.
6
File your forms. This is usually done at your county's courthouse, where you might be required to pay a filing fee. Your attorney can file your forms for you.
- Serve the mother your court documents. This is the legally required method of informing her that you have filed a paternity lawsuit. Among other things, this has the effect of preventing the mother from pursuing an adoption of the child by her current partner without your consent.
- After serving her papers, file your proof of service with the court clerk at the county courthouse. They will typically have 30 days to respond to the paternity suit.
- Understand that, just because you file a petition for a paternity test, the court is not obligated to order the test. The judge has to determine if sufficient evidence exists, based on the petition, to order the child's mother to undergo the testing and take the child for testing. In some states (such as Florida), when you file a Disestablishment of Paternity you can also submit tests from an independent lab that shows you are not the father,^{[2]
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  Research source} but this may be hard to obtain if the mother is uncooperative, and may require a court order to obtain.
7
Appear in court on the date and time appointed for the paternity lawsuit hearing. Typically, you will only have to appear if the other parent chooses to contest your suit (that is, if you claim to be the father and she chooses to argue in court that you are not). Otherwise, the suit is considered "uncontested" and is automatically decided in your favor.
- Answer your attorney's questions and those of the mother's attorney. Be truthful, courteous and calm.
- Make your request for a paternity test through your attorney. The judge will listen to you and order a paternity test if you present compelling evidence in a professional manner. In general, the requesting party is responsible for any fees associated with these tests.
- Request that the child's mother be held in contempt of court if she disregards the judge's court order.
8
Request an amendment to existing custody, visitation, and child support rulings. This is done if the findings of the court differ from the findings already in place (e.g., the court finds that the child is yours and you are not listed as its biological father on the birth certificate, OR the court finds that the child is not yours and you are listed).
- If the court finds that the child is yours and there is no existing order, ask your attorney to file for custody, visitation, and child support. Keep in mind that in many states you can be held responsible for back child support (up to 18 years depending on the age of the child).
- If the court finds that the child is not yours, request that your attorney file to terminate parental obligation. Unfortunately, in most states, you are not entitled to a reimbursement of support you have paid to this point.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Deciding to Pursue Paternity Testing

1
Determine that the paternity of the child is under question. This process itself can be unpredictable, emotional and volatile. Its best to proceed with a clear mind and an awareness of the implications of the process.
- If the child is not yet born, your situation may be the simplest. Most states require couples to complete an Acknowledgement of Paternity form in the hospital, which is later filed with the Bureau of Vital Statistics along with the birth certificate. Before signing the form, if you doubt that you are the father of the child, you can request a test be performed in the hospital after the baby is born, though either a cheek swab or a sample of cord blood.^{[3]
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- Postnatal testing can be done if you were listed on the birth certificate but doubt you are the father OR if you believe you are the father but were not listed on the certificate.
- If the baby is already born and the certificate already filed, circumstances might arise that cause you to doubt that a child you are supporting is your biological child. In this case, do you have reasons to doubt that the child is biologically yours?
- In other situations, you might believe a child is biologically yours but are not acknowledged as the father by the child's mother. In this case, do you have reasons to believe that the child is biologically yours?
2
Remember that most women are fertile only about 6 days in a given month. Although it can vary, most women have a 28 day cycle (with Day 1 being the first day of her period). This means they are only fertile from about Days 10-17.^{[4]
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- Its important to keep in mind that hard-and-fast rules about fertility always have exceptions, and babies have been unexpectedly conceived at all times of the month, even during a woman's period itself.^{[5]
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- Its also important to remember that birth control pills, condoms, or other preventative measures are not always successful. Using them does not guarantee that a pregnancy won't occur, just as not using them does not guarantee that it will.
3
Recognize that there are many reasons a woman might not disclose paternity. These reasons can be based on her own self-interests, the interests she perceives for her child, or protecting someone else's feelings. Understanding her reasons might go a long way in convincing her to allow a paternity test.
- She may not know who the father is, and may be embarrassed, afraid, or reluctant to make that information known. This can be for a number of reasons, including fear of public scrutiny, privacy concerns, or even concerns for her own safety. Especially in cases of sexual assault, a woman might not know or want to know who the father of her child is.
- She might worry that disclosing paternity might damage a current relationship. For instance, this might be the case if you are her partner but not the father of her child; or alternately, if you are not her partner but you are the father, she may worry that her current partner will be upset by the news that he is not the father.
4
Learn about the benefits of paternity testing. Regardless of whether or not your concerns about paternity seem well founded, if you are having doubts, it is often best to know definitively either way. Determining paternity is beneficial for the father, mother, and child.
- Paternity testing can secure your parental rights. If a child is yours, under most circumstances you can secure your right to participate in that child's life (through visitation, financial support, or even custody in some cases).
- Paternity testing can also help you avoid taking responsibility for a child if it is not yours. If a woman claims you are the father but does not want to provide proof, a paternity test is the only definitive way to prove if you are *not* that child's father, and thus not obligated to provide for it or fulfill your parental obligations.
- Confirmation of paternity is also in the best interest of the child. It can reinforce the relationship between a father and child, provide a social and financial safety net, provide legal benefits for the child such as inheritance rights, and ensure that the child's medical history is accurate.
5
Prepare for the psychological ramifications of paternity testing. Even though determining paternity is most often the best choice, it can still have very real and lasting psychological and emotional effects. Knowing what these might be can help you deal with them as they arise.
- Whether the child is or is not yours, the results of the test will alter the rest of your life. Be sure that you have a support system (friends, family, trusted mentors, or counselors) in place to help you deal with the results of the test, whether those results are what you hoped for or not.

Warnings

If paternity testing confirms that you are the child's father, you will be liable for child support going back to the child's birth and until his or her 18th birthday. You are not guaranteed visitation. That will need a separate court order.

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