This article was co-authored by Connell Barrett. Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."
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You can’t get a beautiful girlfriend if all you do is sit on the couch and watch television. If you’re serious about landing the woman of your dreams, you’ll need to put some effort in. Be warned though, it’s going to take longer than an afternoon.
Steps
Getting to Know Her
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1Find your hottie. You may have someone in mind already, but don’t worry if you don’t. Beautiful women can be found everywhere. Perhaps there’s someone in your classes who you haven’t bothered to get to know. Maybe you see someone at the park who catches your eye. In general, just keep your eyes open when you’re out in public. You’ll never know when you’ll meet the one you’ve been dreaming about.
- If you have a “type” and really want to meet someone that matches this, try going to stores that cater to the type of girl that you’re interested in. You’re much more likely to find an athletic girl at a Nike outlet than an Aeropostale. Preppy girls don’t shop at Hot Topic.
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2Introduce yourself. If you’ve had your eye on someone for a while now, then it’s time to introduce yourself. This can seem intimidating, but nothing is going to happen if all you do is stare at them. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Something like, “Hey, I’ve noticed you in a lot of my classes and just wanted to introduce myself. I’m so-and-so, what’s your name?” is fine. Make some small talk then end the conversation with something like “see you around!”
- A lot of people have trouble coming up topics for small talk on the spot. If this sounds like you, have some topics in mind before you approach her. Pick something that isn’t really controversial that you’re both likely to have something to say about. Some topics that might work for you are your school’s last basketball game, new music you think they might like, or something that happened in a class you have together.
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3Talk to her regularly. Once you’ve introduced yourself, you have to make an effort to continue to see her. Keep up the small talk and throw in some jokes. Eventually, you’ll get to know each other better and the conversation will begin to a flow much more naturally. You’ll start to hang out in the hallways and spend more and more time with each other in general.
- Humor is one of the best ways to win a girl over. Make sure your jokes are good natured and aren’t offensive, even if they aren’t offensive to her or anyone she knows. If you begin to share inside jokes, you’ll know that you’re on the right track.
- Regularly doesn’t mean 24/7. Don’t come on too strong right away. A few minutes a day most days of the week is fine to start out with. You’ll see each other more as things progress.
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4Talk about your dreams. Ambition is something that everyone finds attractive. Bringing your future into the conversation can make you seem a lot more interesting to a girl. Talk about things you want to learn and what you want to accomplish in your life. Mention things you are doing now to someday achieve these goals. She’ll probably want to get to know you more when you do.[1]
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5Start flirting. You’re going to have start flirting to let the girl you’re attracted to know you’re interested in her. Make some low-pressure physical contact like touching her elbow or shoulder.[2] Compliment something she’s wearing then smile and make eye contact. Gently tease her, but not about anything that could make her upset.
- While you’re flirting, look for signs that she is enjoying it and flirting back. Does she move away when you touch her elbow or let her arm linger? If you compliment her clothing does she smile and look you in the eye or stay quiet and look away? If she isn’t responding well to your flirting, it’s time to move on.[3]
- If she doesn't seem to respond to your flirting, go back to square one instead of making a bigger move.
- Don’t try a tired old pickup line. Hotties get approached all the time by guys and have probably heard whatever you’ve had to say before. In general, women see these as immature and won’t be impressed by what you have to say.
Dating your Hottie Girlfriend
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1Ask her out. If flirting has been going well, then it’s time to take them out on a date. Our society expects men to make the first move in relationships, so you are probably going to have to be the one who does the asking. Don’t make a big deal about it. If she’s been flirting with you, she’ll probably say yes no matter what. Something like, “I really like hanging out with you and wanted to get to know you better, do you want to go get lunch on Wednesday?” is fine.
- It’s just a first date, so don’t make too big a deal out of it. Dinner is probably a bit too much for a first date, but lunch or coffee are fine. Fun activities like mini-golf, bowling, or seeing a movie can also good ideas if you aren’t sure quite what to take them to.
- If you’re chasing a hottie, you’re probably dealing with someone who’s been asked out dozens of times. Get creative with your date ideas, don’t just take her to a popular movie. She’s probably sick of them by now. If she’s mentioned a hobby or interest, choose something that’s in line with that. She’ll notice and appreciate the thought you put into it.
- It's always best to be upfront about what you want in a relationship. The only way to stay out of the friend zone is to let her know!
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2Take her on a date. Congratulations, she said yes to your date! Wear nice clothes while you’re out, but make sure it’s not too formal. Compliment her when you meet her wherever you are going. Ask her questions about her life and interests. You can talk about yourself too, but don’t overdo it. The most important thing is to keep the conversation flowing.
- She’ll notice everything you do, so make sure you treat everyone well on the date. If you’re out a restaurant be kind to the waiter and tip generously. Thank any employees that assist you on your date, and even try making a little small talk. Unless your date is a mean person herself, she’ll like that you treat strangers with respect and are nice to them.
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3Ask her out again. If the date went well and you want to see her again, you should ask her to see you again while you’re still out. Wait until the end of the date so you have the best idea possible of whether she had a good time or not. Say that you had a really good time and were wondering if she’d be interested in going out again sometime. If everything went well, she’ll probably say yes.
- Sometimes dates don’t go well, and maybe you aren’t interested in seeing her again. That’s fine! Just say it in a way that doesn’t hurt your friend. Something like, “I’m glad you decided to come out with me, but I think we should just be friends,” is acceptable. She might get upset, but you did the best you could in the situation.
- A lot of people are curious over whether they should kiss the girl at the end of the first date. There’s not really a hard and fast answer for this. Some women are comfortable kissing on the first date and others aren’t. You’ll have to read the situation for yourself. If she looks at your lips then makes eye contact and smiles, she wants you to kiss her. Otherwise, a hug is probably more appropriate.
- Mix it up! Don’t ask her out on the same date twice in a row. Try a new restaurant together. Go whitewater rafting. Whatever you do, don’t let it get stale. She probably has a few other guys that would jump at the chance to date her if you break up.
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4Maintain the relationship. There’s more to a relationship than just going out to dinner once a week. Talk to her regularly and take an interest in what she does on a daily basis. Send her pictures of something funny that she might like. There’s nothing wrong with texting, but you should make an effort to talk to her in person or over the phone almost every day.
- At the same time, you don’t want to suffocate her with texts and missed calls. Talk to her regularly, but not every minute of the day. She still needs to time to hang out with her friends and be her own person in general. Don’t worry if she doesn’t respond right away, she probably just hasn’t seen your message yet.
- Be sensitive. Talk about how things make you feel. Tell her that you like her and say why. Empathize with her problems. Contrary to how some books and movies make the world seem, girls like guys who are in touch with their emotions and can comfortably express them.
Being the Best Version of Yourself
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1Be confident in yourself. Both average people and scientists agree that self-confidence is a desirable trait in a romantic partner.[4] If this is something you struggle with, try reminding yourself of some things you have accomplished that you are particularly proud of.
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2Practice good hygiene. Good hygiene is essential for anyone who is interested in dating. Make sure you are brushing and flossing at least twice a day to keep your breath fresh and your teeth white. Wash your hair and get it cut regularly so it looks neat and put-together. Shower regularly and wear deodorant so you smell good.
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3Dress well. The most important part of dressing well is to wear clothes that fit and compliment your body. You don’t have to wear the latest trends or the most expensive brands to dress well. Clothes should sit close to your body but shouldn’t squeeze up against it or restrict your movement. Clothes that are too baggy will make it hard to tell what your body actually looks like, and will actually make you look smaller.
- If you’re having trouble finding clothes of your own that fit, start with some basics and work your way up. A good pair of jeans and a white t-shirt can go a long way. It’s better to have a small wardrobe with a lot of pieces that work together than a large wardrobe with a bunch of specific outfits.
- Wearing nicer shoes can go a long way in improving your style as well. Don’t wear the same old beaters you use to mow the yard. Sneakers are fine, just make sure they are relatively clean and don’t smell bad. Try some leather boots if you don’t have any already. They are a classic look and can work with almost any pants..
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4Exercise regularly. Muscularity is one of those things that almost everyone finds attractive. You don’t have to be the next Arnold Schwarzenegger, but it’s a good idea to start hitting the gym if you don’t already. Make a schedule and commit to it to ensure that you see results. Within a few weeks, you will start to feel and see signs that your body is getting stronger.
- If you’re overweight and want to slim down, you’ll also have to change your dietary habits. There are a lot of different diets out there, but they all revolve around the idea of eating fewer calories. Eating a lot of fruit, green vegetables, and lean protein will go a long way in improving your diet.
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5Develop a sense of humor. Girls tend to like guys who can make them laugh. Work on building a good sense of humor if you’re serious about dating a hottie. It will make you much more attractive in the dating pool. [5]
- If you don’t think of yourself as a funny guy, this can be a tough thing to do. Try watching professional comedians for ideas. Find a few you like and really delve into their catalog, paying close attention to the jokes. You’ll start to see what they find funny in everyday life and begin to notice similar things yourself. Eventually, you’ll start to make similar jokes yourself just by relating to people you think are funny. [6]
- It’s a good idea to test out any jokes or zingers on friends first. That way you know if they’re funny or not. Few things are as awkward as staring at someone who didn’t find your joke funny. Even worse if they feel personally offended.
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6Earn some spending money. Your girlfriend shouldn’t be interested in you for your money, but it’s nice to have some money in your pocket you can spend when you’re with her. Get a part-time job to earn a little cash. Use it for things like gas for dates and paying for food, tickets, small gifts, etc. She’ll probably want to split most date costs, but treating her every now and then can be nice.
References
- ↑ http://www.askmen.com/grooming/project/top-10-tips-to-project-ambition.html
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-flirt/#flirting-tip-5-the-art-of-subtle-touch
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2021/07/11/1014019821/flirting-how-to-dating-romance-advice
- ↑ http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/science/2168-science-explains-why-confidence-scores-you-dates/
- ↑ http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/5-ways-enrich-life-developing-sense-humor/
- ↑ http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/5-ways-enrich-life-developing-sense-humor/