How to Get a Girl to Text You Back

Co-authored by Kristina Mirgorodskaya

Last Updated: October 25, 2022

It’s all about texting. The text is the ultimate tool to get a girl to like you, think about you throughout the day, and contact you out of the blue. You know that cute girl on the subway doing nothing but staring at her phone’s screen? Yeah, she’s texting. Here’s how to make sure that girl will text you back.

Things You Should Know

Get clear on what you want from the relationship. If you are sending mixed signals, it might be hard to get a response from her.
Keep your outreach cool and casual. Depending on your relationship with her, a simple "hey" or "hey you" will work. Otherwise, you can ask her a specific question.
Give her space and time to reply. If she hasn't gotten back to you in a couple of days, you can try a gentle nudge with a phone call or another text.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Figuring Out What You Want to Accomplish

1
Decide what you want from this girl. If you're interested in hanging out with her as a friend, there is less pressure to say just the right thing than if you want her to become romantically interested in you. Once you figure out what you want, you can proceed to text her accordingly.
- Note: Most of these steps assume that you are looking for a romantic connection with a girl.
2
Don't be clingy. After you get a girl’s number it is best not to contact them right away in order to not appear needy or annoying. After you’ve waited however long you think is necessary (2 or 3 days tops), send a quick text message that let's her know you're thinking of her. It’s best to keep the first text short and sweet, flirty, funny, mysterious, or any combination of those.
- A common text most guys send would be “Hey. It’s John from the coffee shop, remember me?” This is a mistake. Just assume they remember you and they are anxiously awaiting your text. Asking if they remember you should only be in a flirty manner (i.e. you’re teasing her because she'd had a couple of drinks when you met her at a party).
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3
Keep up the vibe. Try to stick with the vibe you created when you first got her number. If you flirted with her by giving her a silly nickname like “shorty” or “dork,” include the nickname to subtly remind her about your chemistry in person.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Figuring Out What to Say

1
Text her and say "hey." See if she responds. Most likely she will say "Who's this?" Tell her. If she doesn't respond, then just leave her alone for a few days, and try again. If she doesn't text you back, she's not interested. If she does respond, ask her about her friends, family, and interests. Then you can see where it goes from there.^{[1]
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2
Keep it light and simple. A better approach is the simplest message ever: “Hey you.” Most likely the girl will not have gotten your number so she will wonder who’s talking to her; this means she'll be likely to respond.
- Likely response #1. If she responds “Hey, who’s this?” you can have fun with her by making her guess or tease her for giving her number out to so many guys that she doesn’t know who’s talking to her.
- Likely response #2. If she responds: “Oh hey, is this John from the coffee shop?” Just respond “Hope you weren’t just waiting around with your phone in your hand all week to hear from me ;)” This is a bit cocky, pretty funny, and starts the flirting right away. Now it may not be manly to add smiley faces in messages, but it’s hard to tell if someone’s joking in text, especially if they don’t know you.
  - Optional response. Another response you might want to throw in is: “So is this the cute blonde girl (or the brunette) I met on Wednesday?” or some variation. They will probably be a little shocked by your fortitude, but they will laugh.
3
Play it cool until the next time you contact her. It’s a good idea to have three to four text conversations over the period of a few days to a week before you call her or make a plan for a date. By this time, you will have flirted with her, made her laugh, and there is already enough attraction built up in her mind that screwing up a phone call or a first date will actually be hard for you to do.^{[2]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Knowing What to Do if She Doesn't Respond

1
Understand the situation. If she doesn't respond to your texts, it is important to handle the situation appropriately. There are different levels of texting and it's important to remember the proper etiquette for various situations. Remember that if this is the first time you're texting her, you are still basically a stranger to her. So, if she doesn't respond to you, you need to remember that she doesn't owe you anything and avoid sending her aggressive messages that indicate she owes you a response.
2
Give her some time and send another text. If this is the first text you've ever sent, wait a couple of days to give her time to respond. If she doesn't respond after two days, she might be having trouble remembering who you are or how she felt about you. Try texting again after two days with something more specific like, "Hey, Tonya. This is Rob - the charming guy from the coffee shop. Still waiting for that first date :)" A message like this lets the girl know that this is your second attempt to contact her, but is still cute and playful.
- You could also try calling her if she hasn't responded after two days. If she doesn't answer, leave a voice mail message saying something like this, "Hey, Tonya. It's Rob. I sent you a text, but I wasn't sure if it went through or not. I was just trying to touch base with you and see how you're doing."^{[3]
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  Research source} If she doesn't call you back or respond in a day or so, you should just leave her alone and move on.
3
Cut her some slack if she quits responding mid-conversation. Remember that sometimes things come up that are more important than texting. Her mom might be in the hospital or her tire might've blown on her car. There are thousands of things that can happen at any given moment that require you to put off texting, no matter how much you might like the person you're talking to.
- Text her something concerned like, "Everything alright?" That way she knows that you noticed her lack of response, but you also care about her.
- If she still doesn't respond, wait a week or so and send a casual text that sends the message that you are a cool guy with a busy schedule too. Say something like, "Hey, Tonya. I just got back from a weekend in the mountains. Just wanted to check in and see how things are with you. Talk soon."^{[4]
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  Research source} If she still doesn't respond after a few days, then it's time to move on.
4
Know what do to if she quits responding before a date. If this is when it is important to hear back from her, like before you two are supposed to meet for a date, try texting the concerned, "Everything okay?" and see if she responds. Wait twenty minutes and text, "Are we still on for tonight?" If she doesn't respond, she is probably blowing you off and you should leave her alone. If something happened that made her unable to respond to you, she will send you an explanation.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Maintaining Control of the Conversation

1
Don't annoy her. How often you text is very important. Getting into a full conversation is very easy, but is something you should avoid during the first few days you’re texting her. You do not want to end up annoying her by making her phone ring/buzz all day from some guy she just met.
2
Make it quick. The best way to go about it would be to just have a quick conversation (four to six messages each) and then tell her you’re busy and will talk to her later. Try to actually be busy/doing something interesting. You don’t want to begin the relationship with a lie you'll always have to remember.
3
Respond at your own leisure but don't take to long. It’s easy to get excited about a message from a hot girl that you’re interested in, but she will catch on to you responding immediately after you get her message. She will assume you like her and are anxiously awaiting all her messages. This ends the chase immediately. So give it some time between messages and don’t annoy her, but be careful not to play mind games. Text communication is beautiful because you have time to carefully craft what you’re going to say, so when it’s your turn to write back, take that time to fully think about it.
4
End the conversation yourself. When it’s time to end the conversation, it’s best to just say “I gotta run (or have to go do something interesting if you really are). Talk to you later.” It shows that you’re not clingy if you end the conversation yourself.
5
Stay in control. When she responds back and says "bye," just leave it at that (unless she asks a question). If she’s the one that sent the last message, it puts you in control and makes her wonder if you’re going to send another one.
6
Give yourself some tough love. There are few things less attractive than a guy who is clearly desperate. If the girl you like isn't responding to you after several attempts, then it might be time to cut your losses and move on. Set your sights on someone new and try your luck with this new girl.

Sample Texts

Texts for a Girl You Know

Community Q&A

Question

What if I ask to call her and she doesn't respond? Should I call anyways?

Community Answer

No. Don't call her without consent. If she doesn't respond, give it time, she might just be busy.
Question

How can I get a girl interested in me after she rejected me?

Community Answer

You can't force it. Continue to be nice to her if and when you see her, but don't bother her too much.
Question

Why does she respond late to my texts?

JADA BACHNER

Community Answer

Often girls don't text back right away because they want to make sure that they are not coming off desperate, or they want to to talk to their friends to make sure that they are going to say the right thing. If she seems like she likes you, I wouldn't worry if it takes her a while to text back.