How to Get a Boyfriend in High School

Co-authored by Nicole Moore

Last Updated: September 7, 2022 References

High school can be an exciting time as you're getting to know yourself and your interests. A fun way to explore new experiences in high school is through dating. If you want a boyfriend in high school, there are several ways you can pursue dating. Try to branch out and meet people through friends and extracurricular activities. Start going out on dates regularly until you find someone you like. From here, work on maintaining a healthy relationship built on mutual respect.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Meeting People

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Ask friends to set you up. One of the easiest ways to meet a romantic partner is to ask friends to set you up.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.} If you have friends who are particularly social, tell them you'd like to try dating. Ask if they know any single guys who may be a good match for someone like you.^{[2]
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- The main advantage of asking your friends to set you up is that your friends know you. They're familiar with your interests and personality. They'll be able to find someone who's a good match for you.
- Being set up by a friend also helps to make sure you're finding a quality guy. You do not want to end up in a relationship only to find out, down the road, your new boyfriend has a reputation for being kind of a jerk. Your friends can verify that a guy is a decent person deserving of your time.
2
Get involved in extracurricular activities. If you want to find a boyfriend, you need to get out and meet new people.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.} Try getting involved in some extracurricular activities. This can help you find a potential boyfriend.
- Choose extracurricular activities relevant to your interests. You're more likely to find a potential match if the two of you have shared interests. If you're fascinated by journalism, join the newspaper.^{[4]
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- Try going to an event by yourself. It can be stressful to go to a school club solo, but you may come off as more approachable if you're not surrounded by friends. If you look like you came alone, a potential boyfriend may be inclined to introduce himself as he'll sense you're new.^{[5]
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- If you know a certain club tends to have a lot of male members, consider joining this group. With more men to chose from, you'll have a better chance of finding a single guy who you're interested in dating.
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Have realistic expectations. In high school, it's easy to get lost in romanticized daydreams. If you're imagining meeting a Prince Charming-type on your first day of drama club, cut the daydreaming. You may close yourself off to perfectly acceptable young men by setting your expectations sky high. Try to think in loose terms. Instead of having a laundry list of attributes you want in a potential match, instead think to yourself that you're looking for a nice, reasonably attractive guy who has some of the same interests as you.^{[6]
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Socialize. If you want to meet someone, you need to put yourself out there. Even if you're naturally shy, you need to be social if you want to find a boyfriend.^{[7]
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Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}
- Try to strike up a conversation with a guy you don't know. Sit down at a new lunch table. Talk to the guy sitting across from you in Spanish class.
- Starting a conversation with someone you don't know well can be stressful. You can try to make conversation based on what's happening around you, which is easy to do when you're both in school. For example, you could say something like, "Wow! Last week's exam was intense, right?"
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Attend high school events. With permission of your parents, try to start attending school events regularly. Things like dances, sports games, bake sales, and pep rallies are all great ways to branch out and connect with potential boyfriends.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}
- Sports games may be particularly fun, as there will be students from other schools in attendance. If you're not interested in any guys in your own school, you can meet someone from another school.^{[9]
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- For safety reasons, it may be a good idea to go with friends. Unlike extracurricular activities, many school events may take place late at night away from school. It's a good idea to go in a group, just to be on the safe side.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Navigating Dating

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Ask someone out. It can be stressful to ask someone out. However, putting yourself out there and being brave is part of the process of finding a boyfriend. Even if it's outside your comfort zone, ask a guy you're interested in out on a date.^{[10]
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Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}
- It's okay if it takes you a few days to get up the nerve to ask someone out. This is normal, especially if you're new to dating. You can spend a few days talking to friends. If you have a friend who has a boyfriend or a girlfriend, ask this person for advice.
- You can ask someone out by bringing up mutual interests. For example, maybe you've both talked about a love of horror films. You could ask the guy if he'd be interested in seeing the new horror film coming to your local theater on Friday.
- You can ask someone out in a fairly casual manner. Try saying something like, "Would you be interested in getting coffee with me after school some time?" If you want to make sure the guy knows it's a date, you can add something like, "Just the two of us." If you feel comfortable, you can flat out saying, "Would you like to go on a coffee date with me this weekend?" A guy may appreciate this frankness.
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Go into a date with a positive attitude. Once you've met a few potential boyfriends, you can begin going on dates. When going into a date, set out with a positive attitude.
- Stay calm going into a date. Do not worry about something going wrong. Instead, go in with the expectation that you're going to have fun. If it helps, you can make a mental list of conversation topics. This may ease your worry about running out of things to talk about, making the date easier.
- If you're nervous, you may inadvertently engage in behavior that can put off your date. For example, you may rip up a piece of bread from the bread basket instead of eating it. Trying to be positive can help you put out your best self, allowing the date to run smoothly.^{[11]
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3
Date regularly. It can take awhile to find someone you click with. Therefore, make dating a priority. Try to go out on dates regularly. You may have a lot of bad dates, or so-so dates, before you find a guy that's right for you.
- Be prepared to meet someone everywhere you go. Dress in a flattering fashion when you go out. Introduce yourself to guys who seem interesting. However, make sure to be safe. If you're outside of school, be careful who you converse with and be sure to travel with friends.^{[12]
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- If you get asked out, take a chance. Even if you feel lukewarm with someone, your feelings may change on a date. You should also be brave and ask a guy out if you're interested. He may say "No," but you'll never know if you don't make the effort.
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Be yourself. Many people want the companionship of a romance in high school. However, keep in mind you should be yourself. Do not give up aspects of your personality in order to win male affection. For example, if you worry a guy won't be interested in a nerdy girl, don't quit the science team. Pursuing your interest in science is more important for your longterm goals and you do not want to date someone who does not like you for you.
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Wear something that makes you feel attractive on dates. A lot of attraction comes down to confidence. On a date, wear something that makes you feel attractive. If you feel confident and beautiful going into a date, you're more likely to come off that way. This can help the date go smoothly.
- Choose your favorite outfit for a date, even if it doesn't feel like a date outfit. If you feel comfortable and relaxed, you're more likely to have a good time.
- While you should primarily dress in a way that makes you feel good, if you know some of your date's preferences, it's okay to dress towards those preferences in a way that makes you feel comfortable. If your date is interested in the athletic type, consider wearing a pair of jeans and sneakers that you feel are flattering on you.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Maintaining a Relationship

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Transition into a relationship. After a certain point in casual dating, you may want to transition into a relationship. If you've been seeing someone regularly for a few weeks, it's appropriate to ask about the status of your relationship.
- Make sure you have the conversation face-to-face. Text can obscure meaning. It can be a little stressful to ask. However, if you've been seeing a guy regularly, he probably won't be surprised by the boyfriend talk. Try to introduce the subject directly. Don't say, "We need to talk," as this can indicate something is wrong. Just pose the question.^{[13]
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- Review what's been happening in the relationship. Say something like, "So, we've been hanging out almost every weekend, and we talk every day. I really enjoy spending time with you." Then, say something like, "I just wanted to know if it's okay to call you my boyfriend or not."^{[14]
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- There is a chance the guy may not be interested in an official relationship at this time. If a relationship is something you want, and he doesn't, it may be best to cut your losses and move on. While rejection can hurt, you should not settle for a relationship that does not meet your basic expectations.
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Use social media wisely. When you're in high school, it can be very hard to stay away from social media. You and your friends likely engage in a lot of socialization through outlets like Twitter and Facebook. However, use discretion when posting about your relationship.
- Your boyfriend may not like having details about himself posted online. He may get annoyed or embarrassed if you post about your relationship all the time. Before posting something, make sure it's okay with him.^{[15]
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- You should not post any rude or aggressive statuses directed at your boyfriend when the two of you are fighting. This will only serve to escalate the argument.
- Remember, if you put something on the internet, it's there forever. You should use discretion when posting about aspects of your relationship. Do not post anything you would not want a future college or employer to see.
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Compromise. Compromise is the key to any relationship. It can be hard to compromise when you're young, however, which is why many high school relationships are short-lived. Take turns selecting movies for movie nights or choosing events for Friday nights. If your boyfriend is not interested in hanging out with your friends on a particular night, try to let this go. Compromising on occasion can help you avoid arguments.^{[16]
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Keep up with other obligations. It can be easy to get caught up in a high school romance. However, keep in mind you have many more important obligations than your boyfriend. Make sure you keep up with school work, extracurricular activities, and your relationships with your other friends.
- While you may not like to think about the fact, the vast majority of high school relationships end. While your boyfriend may seem like the biggest deal in the world right now, you will likely not think of him much in a few years. Prioritize your homework and grades over your boyfriend, as they will matter more longterm.
5
Do not stay with someone who does not respect you. When you are dating in high school, make sure to respect yourself. You should not stay with anyone that does not respect your boundaries, physical and otherwise.
- Many high school students start experimenting with sex and intimacy for the first time. You should not engage in sexual activity before you feel you are completely ready. You should always use condoms to prevent pregnancy and STDs. If your boyfriend pushes you to get more physical than you want, seriously reevaluate the relationship. You deserve to be with someone who respects your boundaries.
- You should also watch out for anyone who is overly possessive or jealous. If your boyfriend expects you to spend less time with your friends, you should be wary of the relationship. Your boyfriend should also want you to succeed. He should not discourage you from getting your homework and other obligations done on time.

Expert Q&A

Question

Is it easy to get a boyfriend in high school?

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University.

Nicole Moore

Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Possibly, if you know the right places to look! You might have more luck finding a potential boyfriend by spending time where high school-aged guys typically hang out, like coffee shops, shopping malls, and food courts.
Question

Where can I find potential boyfriends?

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University.

Nicole Moore

Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Join a school club! School activities are great ways to meet new people; plus, they're a great way to meet a potential BF who shares similar interests.
Question

Should you ask your friend to set you up?

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University.

Nicole Moore

Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

That's totally fine! You don't have to sound desperate—just let them know that you'd love a boyfriend to hang out with, and ask them to keep their feelers out for anyone great. People usually love to help out and play matchmaker, so don't feel scared to put your desire out there!