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This article was written by Nicole Moore and by wikiHow staff writer, Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA. Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University.
There are 19 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 17,008 times.
Do you want your ex back? Your desires don’t have to remain fantasy if you follow our simple tricks in the art of seduction. Maybe your ex-boyfriend is skilled between the sheets, or perhaps you want him back for good. Either way, we’re here to help you get your ex-boyfriend to sleep with you. We've answered your most common questions and will walk you through the steps you need to take to get him into bed.
This article is based on an interview with our love and relationship coach, Nicole Moore, founder and CEO of Love Works Method. Check out the full interview here.
Steps
Section 1 of 5:
Why do you want to sleep with your ex?
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1Your ex might be good in bed, so you want to hook up. Sometimes sex is the best part of a relationship. Maybe you aren’t a good match for each other, but you like sleeping with him. In this case, it might be fun to hook up with your ex.[1]
- Be careful with casual sex because it’s really easy to form an emotional bond. You may accidentally fall for your ex again without intending it.[2]
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2You might want to sleep with your ex to get him back. Post-breakup sex can help you rekindle your relationship with your ex, as long as he’s open to it. With the right seduction moves, you may be able to make him fall for you again.[3] To do this, you'll need to spend time together and talk to each other so new feelings can grow.
- Having a fling is pretty easy, but a relationship takes a little time.
- It may be difficult to get him back if he's moved on or if you really hurt him during your breakup. You can still try, but he may be hesitant to give you another chance.
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3Perhaps you’re just lonely. After a break-up, it’s really common to feel sad and lonely. When you’re in love, you get a spike of dopamine that makes you feel good. During your break-up, you no longer have those feel-good chemicals. You may hope that sleeping with your ex will help you feel better.[4]
- Try to remember that your feelings are temporary. You will start to feel better as your heart heals.
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Section 2 of 5:
When is sex with an ex a bad idea?
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1Sex with your ex is a bad idea if you’re just feeling lonely. Sex is only a good idea if you want him back or it’s for fun. Sleeping with him to comfort yourself will only drag out your heartbreak. It’s best to resist the urge and spend time with your friends instead.[5]
- You might ask one of your friends to be a source of support when you feel tempted to call or text your ex.
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2Avoid sleeping with your ex if he’s already seeing someone else. As much as you want him back, it’s best to move on if he’s already with someone new. It hurts right now, but you’ll feel happier in the long run. Start by cutting off contact with him and reflecting on the bad parts of your relationship. Then, focus on building a future that makes you happy.[6]
- Find something to distract you from your heartache, like fun with your friends or a hobby.
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3Let your ex go if he was abusive. You can still miss your ex even if he treated you badly. He may promise to treat you better in the future, but it’s unlikely that he’s changed. If your ex was abusive, leave your relationship in the past. You deserve a partner who treats you well.[7]
- Remember that abuse is never your fault, so don’t feel guilty for cutting ties with your abuser.
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4Be careful because you're risking your heart. You can't make him fall in love, and sometimes a relationship just isn't meant to work out. You may still be in love, while your ex is ready to move on. If this is the case, going after him again will only put you at risk for more heartbreak. Make sure you’re okay with this before you pursue your ex.[8]
- If your ex has moved on, it’s best to focus on your own future. It might seem like it right now, but your ex isn’t the only guy out there for you. You’ll find someone wonderful.
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Section 3 of 5:
Hooking Up for Fun
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1Send him a casual text to start a conversation. If you’re not in contact, a quick text will re-establish communication.[9] Say something like, “Hi, how are you?” You could also go with something flirty like, “Feeling lonely tonight?” From there, you can focus on flirting. Here are some other texts you could try:
- “Hey there 😉”
- “I’ve been thinking about you.”
- “Your last selfie was 🔥”
- “Wanna get a drink?”
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2Tease him over text. With a few keystrokes, you can make him want you. Adding emojis to your texts is the easiest way to flirt. Take it up a notch by mentioning that you had a dream about him or that you’ve been fantasizing about something. As another option, ask him a revealing question to create some sexual tension.[10] You could also just be forward and tell him you’re wearing a towel or aren’t wearing underwear today. Try one of these texts:
- “You won’t believe what I dreamed last night 😉”
- “Lately, I can’t stop thinking about our beach date. Remember what we did?”
- “I’ve had you on my mind a lot lately.”
- “My plans today ✔️shop Victoria’s Secret ✔️relax”
- “What was your favorite thing to do to me?
- “What was the best part of our sex life?”
- "I'm still in my towel after my bath. I guess I should get dressed 😉"
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3Seduce him with sexy photos. Send him 1 to 3 suggestive photos to tempt him. You don’t need to be explicit because your goal is to get his imagination going. Anything can be sexy, from a photo to your face, to a photo of your body, to a photo of a hot bath you’re about to climb into. Knowing what to leave out is just as important as what you include in your photo and caption.[11] Try this:
- Send a photo of a hot bath, then post a photo of your legs in the bathtub.
- Take a selfie of you with your shoulders bare.
- Take a picture of you outside your favorite lingerie store. Then, take a pic of some selections in the dressing room and of a bag containing your purchases.
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4Change up your look to surprise him. Your new and improved you will knock his socks off. One super popular way to switch up your look post-breakup is to change your hairstyle.[12] However, you could also play with your makeup or try the latest fashions. Do something that makes you feel good, and you’ll be turning heads. Try this:
- For a big change, cut your hair or dye your hair a new color.
- Go to the salon for a blow-out, up-do, or braids.
- You could also buy a new outfit or mix up your wardrobe pieces to create new outfits.
- Watch makeup tutorials on YouTube and try them out!
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5Hang out in his favorite locales so you can run into him. Use your expert knowledge of him from when you dated to cross paths with him. After you run into each other, wait at least a week before trying to see him again so he doesn't feel creeped out. Here are some tips you could try:
- Get your morning or afternoon coffee at his favorite coffee shop.
- Shop at his neighborhood grocery store.
- Eat at his favorite restaurant.
- Catch the game at his favorite sports bar.
- Patronize his employer if he works for a business.
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6Wear perfume to appeal to his senses. Fragrances can actually make people attracted to you. Wear perfume he likes if he’s previously complimented you on your smell. Otherwise, pick a perfume that you think smells good on you. Spritz a little on your wrists and neck before you see him.[13]
- Perfume smells differently on everyone. Always judge a scent by how it smells on your body, not how it smells coming out of the bottle.
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7Flirt in person using body language. Build sexual tension with a few simple moves. Start by making eye contact and letting your gaze linger for a moment. Then, get close to him so you can feel each other’s body warmth. If he seems comfortable, casually touch him on his arm, shoulder, or thigh. With a few flirtatious moves, you’ll have his heart racing and make him want more.[14]
- Try touching him and then pulling away slightly. The distance could make him crave your touch.
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8Limit your interactions to physical intimacy. It might seem like a good idea to hang out, go on dates, and talk about your lives like old times. However, this can quickly reignite the feelings you had for each other. If you just want something casual and fun, only meet for your hookups.[15]
- Be especially careful about telling each other intimate details about your lives. Being vulnerable with each other can make you feel attached.
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Section 4 of 5:
Trying to Get Him Back
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1Wait until you’re over the breakup before reaching out. When your relationship ends, it’s totally normal to have second thoughts. If you’re like most people, you’re craving the connection you had when you were with your ex. Dating someone is a thrilling experience, and being suddenly single can leave you feeling down. It’s best to give yourself a little time to heal from the breakup before you go after your ex so you know you’re doing it for the right reasons.[16]
- You’re the only one who knows when you’re ready. Take a few days or a few weeks to let your feelings settle.
- In the meantime, spend time with your friends and family who can show you how loved you are.
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2Be a catch by pursuing your goals and interests. After a breakup, it’s the perfect time to create the life you want. Right now, spend some time focusing on what’s important to you.[17] When your ex sees you enjoying yourself, he’ll see what a catch you are. Here are some ideas you could try:
- Take the next step toward accomplishing a goal.
- Start a new hobby.
- Take an art, cooking, or improv class.
- Learn a new language.
- Get a pet.
- Apply for a new job.
- Hang out with friends.
- Join a club.
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3Initiate contact over text. Send a casual, friendly text to get the ball rolling. A simple greeting like “Hey, how are you?” works great. You could also try starting a conversation with a question.[18] Here are some example texts you could try:
- “Hey, stranger 😉”
- “👋 how’ve you been lately?”
- “I saw your post about the race. Congrats on finishing!”
- “Today I went by ‘our place,’ and it made me think of you. How are things?”
- “I finally watched that show you recommended. It was so good! Any new recommendations?”
- “I hope you’re doing well. I’m so sorry about what happened between us. I’ve been thinking about you a lot.”
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4Ask him to join you for an activity. Pick something that doesn't feel too much like a date so there won't be any pressure for romance. Great options include bowling, playing mini golf, going to an arcade, or seeing a concert.[19] You can always make it a group hang if you're worried he'll say "no." Say something like:
- "Remember our epic laser tag battle? Want to go Saturday for a rematch?"
- "It's been so long since I've played mini golf. Would you be interested in going with me on Sunday?"
- "A group of us are going bowling on Friday. Wanna come?"
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5Dress to impress so you feel confident. When you’re wearing clothes that make you feel fabulous, you look more confident and attractive. Show him what he’s missing by strutting around in your favorite looks to get his attention. Pretty soon, he’ll be blowing up your messages.[20]
- You don’t need to wear something stereotypically sexy. You look hottest when you’re confident, so go with an outfit that makes you feel great.
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6Be the person he fell for the first time. You already hold the key to his heart, so take a walk down memory lane to figure out how you hooked him the first time. Most people lose touch with their single self once they get deep into a relationship. Show him you’re still that person, and it might help you win this game of seduction.[21]
- Try going back through your old social media posts to see what you were posting about.
- You could also talk to your friends about how they perceived you before your relationship with your ex.
- Reconnect over similar interests, like your shared love of comic books or music. Similarly, invite him out to a restaurant you both love.[22]
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7Make him wait to reduce the likelihood of a one night-stand. Keep your eye on your goal of getting your ex back. Waiting to have sex will increase the attraction between you and him. To improve your chances of success, see him a couple of times before you do the deed, and you’ll have a much better chance of rekindling your relationship.[23]
- For example, you might adopt a 3-date rule before sleeping with him.
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8Let him chase you—people want what they can’t have. Sure, you want your ex, but he doesn’t need to know that. Spend some time reconnecting so the heat starts building back up between you.[24] Here are some ways to make him chase you:
- When you’re texting him, delay sending your reply sometimes so it seems like you’re busy.
- Make plans with friends one night so you’re unavailable at that time.
- If he asks you to meet up, check your schedule before you say “yes.”
- Suggest you’re open to dating in your social media posts. You might say, “Looking for a great guy” or “Searching for my prince.”
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9Address the cause of your breakup. You’ll need to repair any issues that broke you up. Otherwise, they can cause problems in your new relationship. Talk to him about what happened and how you can both be better in the future. Additionally, take responsibility for anything you did wrong.[25]
- Start the conversation by saying, “I want us to last this time, so I’m hoping we can talk about why we broke up.”
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10Talk to him about your expectations before you hit the sheets. Protect your heart by telling him upfront if you want a relationship. In some cases, sex can be a way to get back with your ex. However, he might not be in the same place as you are, so it could end in heartbreak. Before you get it on, have a pro-active discussion about what each of you want from each other.[26] Say something like:
- “I really like this vibe we have, but I don’t want something casual. I want us to get back together.”
- “Our chats have been amazing. I’m so glad we reconnected, and I definitely feel the spark between us. I just want to make sure that you’re feeling it, too.”
- “Our breakup was really hard on me, and I still have feelings for you. I miss what we had, and I’m hoping we can get that back.”
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Section 5 of 5:
What Not to Do
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1Space out your texts instead of sending too many at once. Since you really care about him, you might be tempted to text him a lot. However, wait until he sends you a response before you text him again. If he’s not responding to your texts right away, give him some space.[27]
- If he hasn’t responded for longer than a day, you might send him one follow-up text. If he doesn’t respond to that, he may not be open to reconnecting with you.
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2Take things slow so feelings can develop. If you want a relationship with him, sleeping with him too soon may make him lose interest. In fact, playing hard to get can actually make him more interested in you. Don’t rush things so they’re more likely to last.[28]
- You don’t have to wait forever. Just don’t have sex the first time you see each other after your breakup.
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3Avoid begging him for sex. Trying to convince him to have sex with you will make him less likely to say “yes.” Not only is this a turn-off, but it’s also unkind to your ex. It’s never okay to coerce someone into sleeping with you.[29]
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Warnings
- Having sex with your ex may make you fall for him again. Make sure you're ready for that before you dive into bed.[30]⧼thumbs_response⧽
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/valley-girl-brain/201810/should-you-hook-your-ex
- ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201804/how-fall-back-in-love-your-partner
- ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
- ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201508/5-ways-move-ex-you-still-love
- ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/why-am-i-struggling-to-move-on-after-abuse/
- ↑ [v160969_b01]. 10 February 2021.
- ↑ https://www.rewire.org/back-in-touch-with-ex/
- ↑ Lisa Shield. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 11 March 2021.
- ↑ https://theconversation.com/friday-essay-shifting-identities-performing-sexual-selves-on-social-media-145322
- ↑ https://www.harpersbazaar.com/uk/beauty/hair/news/a40296/this-is-why-women-really-cut-off-their-hair-post-break-up/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK92802/
- ↑ Lisa Shield. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 11 March 2021.
- ↑ [v160969_b01]. 10 February 2021.
- ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
- ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
- ↑ https://www.rewire.org/back-in-touch-with-ex/
- ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/how-to-ask-someone-out-respectfully/
- ↑ http://psychlearningcurve.org/dress-to-impress/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201804/how-fall-back-in-love-your-partner
- ↑ Nicole Moore. Love & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-love/201205/how-develop-your-attraction-the-right-person
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201606/how-and-why-play-hard-get
- ↑ Nicole Moore. Love & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
- ↑ Nicole Moore. Love & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/texting-dos-and-donts-in-relationships/
- ↑ https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/06/200608192510.htm
- ↑ https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/sexual-coercion
- ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
About This Article
Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
This article was written by Nicole Moore and by wikiHow staff writer, Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA. Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University. This article has been viewed 17,008 times.
Co-authors: 8
Updated: June 6, 2022
Views: 17,008
Categories: Relationships
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