Whether you’re asking your parents for a little extra cash or discussing a raise with your boss, saying “please” isn’t always enough to seal the deal. Mind control definitely isn’t an option, so how are you supposed to get what you want from people without burning bridges in the process? We’ve got you covered. Keep reading for plenty of tips, tricks, and conversational hacks that can give you a great shot at getting exactly what you want.

1

Fool them into thinking your idea is theirs.

  1. It’s harder for people to say no when they think something was their idea. Present your idea like a descriptive story instead of framing it like a question. Set the scene in clear, vivid detail, so your request can get a life of its own in the other person’s mind. Look for ways to really connect and relate the request to the other person. With any luck, they might “suggest” your idea at the end of the conversation.[1] Here are a few examples of how that conversation could go down:
    • A new video game system: “I really wish we could spend more time together as a family. I know we do the occasional movie night, but I feel like our TV isn’t living up to its potential. We all have some free time on Friday night—I feel like that could be a great chance to have a regular family video game night.”
    • An upgrade at work: “There’s so much clutter in the break room that it’s hard to know what belongs to who. Imagine if we had labeled cubby shelves installed—it would be so much easier to find what we’re looking for.”
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2

Make your case really quickly.

3

Confuse them into agreement.

  1. State your request in a confusing way, and then rephrase it in a simple way. Wording something confusingly will take the other person off-guard, so simplifying your request may win them over. In fact, research shows that sellers who used this technique made twice as many sales as sellers who offered a traditional pitch to customers.[4] Here’s a way you can apply this technique in regular conversation:
    • “Hey Dad! I need 40 quarters for this thing I’m doing later. Actually, a $10 bill will work too.”
    • “Would I be able to use 36 hours of vacation time next week? Or would 2 days be easier?”
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4

Ask for more than you actually want.

  1. This salary negotiation trick can apply to other situations. During salary negotiations, a common strategy is asking your superior for a higher salary than you’re actually expecting to get—this way, you’re still happy with the final amount you both settle on.[5] Apply this strategy to your everyday life by asking for more than you actually need from people. You might:
    • Ask a friend for $20 when you only need $10
    • Ask to extend your curfew to 1 AM when you only need it extended to midnight
    • Request a co-worker cover your full shift when you only need half of it covered
5

Make your request when the other person is tired.

  1. A tired, less alert person may be more willing to comply. Someone running on fumes definitely isn’t going to be on their A-game, and probably won’t be engaged in your conversation.[6] Use this window of opportunity to ask for what you want; with any luck, the person will be too tired or out-of-it to really process or care about what you’re saying, and may just go along with your request. A good time to ask could be:
    • Right before bed
    • At the end of a long work week
    • First thing in the morning
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9

Give the person an out.

  1. Easing off the pressure might make someone more willing to help. Let the other person know that you appreciate their consideration, and that you understand if they don’t have the time or interest in helping you at the moment. The other party might appreciate the kind gesture and help you anyway.[10] Here are a few ways to tone down your request:
    • “I completely understand if you’re busy, but I appreciate your consideration regardless.”
    • “I know that this is last-minute, and I understand if you don’t have the time.”
    • “You won’t hurt my feelings if you say no.”
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10

Offer a compromise.

11

Write out your request.

  1. People respond more positively to written notes of request. Instead of striking up a conversation, jot down your request on a sticky note and leave it somewhere the other person will find it. Some research shows that people are more willing to help a written request as opposed to a verbal one.[12] You might write:
    • “Hey Liam! Hope you’re having a good day. I’m so sorry to bother you, but would you mind grabbing me a cup of coffee from the break room? I’m out at the doctor’s this morning and won’t have time to grab a coffee on my way into work.”
    • “Hey Mom! Would you mind sticking a few snacks into my lunch bag for the day?”
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12

Mirror their body language.

  1. People tend to like you more when you copy their body language. Also known as the “chameleon effect,” body language mirroring is a clever way to make a positive impression without having to say a word. Just pay attention to what the other person is doing: do they use a specific type of body language or stand with a specific posture? Whatever the case, subtly imitate them to the best of your ability as you make your request.[13]
    • If they’re twirling a piece of their hair, twirl a section of your own hair.
    • If they’re standing with their shoulders back and chest out, stand the same way yourself.

Community Q&A

  • Question
    How can I earn respect?
    TheRedNinja
    TheRedNinja
    Community Answer
    By being respectful, you can earn respect from other people.
  • Question
    I want to ask someone to help me pay my bills. How do I do it?
    Community Answer
    Community Answer
    Go ahead and ask. You don't have to be scared or worried because the worse that will happen is that they say, "No."
  • Question
    How do I ask someone for something I want without having to hear the word no?
    Community Answer
    Community Answer
    You can never completely control what a person may say, but explaining exactly why they shouldn't say no without being too direct can get similar results.
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About This Article

Guy Reichard
Co-authored by:
Executive Life Coach
This article was co-authored by Guy Reichard and by wikiHow staff writer, Janice Tieperman. Guy Reichard is an Executive Life Coach and the Founder of HeartRich Coaching & Training, a professional life coaching and inner leadership training provider based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He works with people to create more meaning, purpose, well-being, and fulfillment in their lives. Guy has over 10 years of personal growth coaching and resilience training experience, helping clients enhance and transform their inner worlds, so they can be a more positive and powerful influence on those they love and lead. He is an Adler Certified Professional Coach (ACPC), and is accredited by the International Coach Federation. He earned a BA in Psychology from York University in 1997 and a Master of Business Administration (MBA) from York University in 2000. This article has been viewed 54,236 times.
2 votes - 100%
Co-authors: 20
Updated: April 28, 2022
Views: 54,236
Categories: Persuasion
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