How to Forget People Who Don't Want to Be Friends with You

Co-authored by Jessica George, MA, CHt

Last Updated: February 18, 2022 References

Friendship can be a difficult thing. You may think you're establishing a friendship with someone, only to find they're not interested in your company. If someone rejects your friendship, work on forgetting about it. There are many reasons that someone would not want to be your friend. Most of these reasons have nothing to do with you. Try to let go of the lost friendship. Acknowledge it's not personal and focus your energies elsewhere. Be kind to yourself to help manage your emotions. When you're ready, think about anything you could learn.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Finding Ways to Let Go

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Avoid dwelling on what occurred.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Jessica George, MA, CHt
Certified Professional Master Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.} If someone did not want to be your friend, you may find yourself dwelling on this. If a potential friend rejected you, you may have a lot of questions as to what went wrong and why. However, try to avoid dwelling. Unless they tell you upfront, you will never know for sure why someone rejected you. Therefore, there's little point in worrying.^{[2]
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- Think about how close you really were to this person. If you were just getting to know someone, only to find they weren't interested in your friendship, how well did you really know them? You may be better off forgetting what occurred and moving on.
- Be aware of your thoughts. When you find yourself dwelling on something, do something to distract yourself.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Jessica George, MA, CHt
  Certified Professional Master Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.} Read a book or watch television. Ruminating over something may result in you feeling anxious or becoming upset about something you can’t change.
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Limit social media interaction. If you're online a lot, avoid looking at social media profiles of the person who rejected you.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Jessica George, MA, CHt
Certified Professional Master Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.} Pouring over someone's Facebook profile will only re-open old wounds. You may start wondering why they rejected your friendship all over again.^{[5]
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- Try to block seeing the person's updates for awhile. This will help you from inadvertently seeing their pages when browsing social media.
- You might want to stay off social media altogether for a bit, especially if you're struggling to accept the rejection.
- Remember that many people only share the good things about themselves, so what you see online is not the full picture.
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Reframe how you view the situation. If you view rejection as solely negative, you'll have trouble forgetting it. Instead of seeing rejection as a failure, see it as one in a series of endeavors that did not work out. This way, it'll be easier for you to forget and move on to the next thing.^{[6]
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- Think about it this way: You pushed yourself out of your comfort zone and tried to make a new friend. Many people are terrified of opening up their social circles. You deserve some credit for trying to meet someone new.
- This friendship did not work out. That's normal. Many people have a lot of commitments and relationships to attend to. If someone simply did not click with you as a friend, they may have decided to move on.
- Look towards the future. While this new friend did not work out, there are plenty of opportunities left to meet people and make new friends.
- Keep in mind that if you were able to make a connection once, you can certainly do it again with someone else.
4
Embrace the pain and then let it go. It's okay to feel pain after being rejected.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Jessica George, MA, CHt
Certified Professional Master Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.} If you try to completely forget negative feelings, you may end up feeling them more. If you really want to let go, embrace the pain briefly. This will allow you to release any anger and resentment and take steps forward.^{[8]
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- No one likes being rejected. It hurts when someone does not want to be your friend. Allow yourself to be human and grieve the loss. Give yourself a few hours or a day to be sad.
- Then, focus your energies forward. Think something like, "That was sad. I wish it would have ended differently, but I need to move on now."
- Think about what’s ahead and the type of friends want to make in the future.
- Practice mindfulness and live in the present moment instead of dwelling on rejection. Staying focused on what is happening in your life right now will help you to avoid feeling distressed about things that happened in the past or what might happen in the future.
- If needed, talk about it with a professional.^{[9]
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  Jessica George, MA, CHt
  Certified Professional Master Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.}
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Expand your social network. If you're shy by nature, and have difficulty making new friends, someone rejecting you can hurt more. A good way to forget someone who did not want to be your friend is to try to expand your social network. Find places where you can make new friends.^{[10]
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- Make a goal of interacting with people more. You can start small. For example, promise yourself to make more small talk at work this week.
- From there, push yourself more. Go to a party you were invited to or chat up others that you meet at a social place, such as a coffee shop or a community center.
- Look for groups in your community (via Facebook, recreational webpages, etc.) that do things you enjoy. A shared activity can help people connect.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Managing Your Emotions

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Avoid taking it personally. You may feel personally rejected if someone did not want to be your friend. However, this may not be personal. Try to look at the situation somewhat objectively. If you're being honest with yourself, was the rejection truly personal?^{[11]
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- Think about relationships in your own life. Chances are, you've rejected someone's friendship in the past. Maybe a classmate or co-worker kept asking you to hang out, and you kept making up excuses. Was this personal? Probably not. You likely just did not click with that particular person, or were too busy for new friendships.
- The person who rejected your friendship may have done so for similar reasons. Maybe they have a lot on their plate and aren't looking for new friends. Maybe they thought you were perfectly nice, but did not feel a strong enough connection with you. There's a good chance the rejection was not a reflection of your worth as a person.
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Boost your own self confidence. Rejection can cause a major blow to self confidence. You may be left feeling bad about yourself in the wake of a rejection. Instead of indulging feelings of self-pity, try to find ways to build your self confidence.^{[12]
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- Make a list of everything you like about yourself. Think about everything you've done well throughout the week. Take stock of your talents and abilities. This will all make you feel like a worthwhile person.
- You should also strive to remember your current relationships. Chances are, you have a lot of good friends now. Just because one person was not interested in your friendship does not mean you're not a good friend.
- Take time to reconnect with someone you enjoy being around, yet have not spent much time with lately.
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Engage in positive self talk. If you find yourself engaging in a negative internal monologue, stop. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. This will help bolster your confidence and sense of self-worth.^{[13]
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- Notice your thoughts throughout the day, particularly in regards to the failed friendship. You may, for example, hear the person who rejected you made plans with a friend of yours. You think to yourself, "I guess I'm just not cool enough to be friends with this person."
- Stop and redirect your thoughts. Replace negative thoughts with more positive ones. For example, "I didn't click with Sharon, but I know how much Felice values my friendship. I must be doing something right to have a great friend like Felice."
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Remember emotions are temporary. Just because you're feeling rejected now does not mean it will last forever. Nothing is permanent in life. When you start to indulge feelings of negativity, stop and remind yourself of your worth. You are not going to feel bad about this rejection forever, even if it feels that way now. Eventually, you will move on and find new, better friends.^{[14]
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- Keep in mind that your emotions don’t always reflect the facts. Yes, it’s true that this one connection did not work out. However, that doesn’t mean that connections will never happen for you.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Learning from the Experience

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Embrace rejection as a way to grow. You can learn from being rejected. Instead of seeing it as inherently negative, see it as an opportunity to build your resiliency.^{[15]
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- Rejection is a part of life. A fear of social rejection can lead you to limiting your social circle and interactions.
- The more rejections you get, the better you get at handling them. Therefore, see this rejection as practice. You've learned what it's like to have a potential friend reject you. Now that you've survived this, you'll be less nervous about it happening again in the future.
- Try reframe your thinking and use the rejection as a way to empower yourself. Be willing to try new things and look for opportunities to get to know yourself better.
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Think about anything you could have done differently. No one is perfect. Most of the time, rejection is not a reflection of you. However, could you have done anything differently? If you can think of any ways you can grow, you may benefit as a person from this rejection.^{[16]
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- Think about your interactions with this person. Did you make crude or negative comments that may have made someone uncomfortable? Did you share too much information too soon? Were you flaky on plans, or maybe too rigid about plans?
- Much of the time, a rejection is not about you. However, if you think you did something, recognizing what it was can help you grow.
- Think about the type of friend you want to be and how you can show those qualities to new people in your life.
3
Consider attempting to repair the rift. How important is this person to you? If you had your heart set on being their friend, you may want to repair the rift and practice forgiveness. This is especially useful if you believe you did something to cause the problem.^{[17]
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- You can try sending a quick text or email addressing the issue. You don't have to go into too many details.
- Try something simple. Say something like, "Hey, I'm sorry if I was a little flaky about plans. I do want to work on being friends, even if it didn't seem like it. Let me know if you want to get coffee sometime!"

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you let go of a failed friendship?

Jessica George, MA, CHt
Certified Professional Master Life Coach
Jessica George is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Professional Master Life Coach, and Co-Founder of Evolve Therapy Coaching based in Glendale, California. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in hybrid therapy and coaching services, couples counseling, and clinical hypnotherapy. Jessica holds a Bachelor’s degree from The University of California, Santa Barbara and an MA in Counseling Psychology and Talk Therapy from Ryokan College. Jessica is trained in the Imago technique and the Gottman method for couples therapy. She also earned a Professional Life-Coach Certification from The Fowler Academy and an Infinite Possibilities Relationship Certification. She is a member of the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners (IBCP).

Jessica George, MA, CHt

Certified Professional Master Life Coach

Expert Answer

This is hard at any age, but it is a natural progression in life. Feel your pain, talk about it with a professional, and eventually time will heal it. Count your blessings and have gratitude for the love and friendships that you do have.
Question

How do you heal from a friendship ending?

Jessica George, MA, CHt
Certified Professional Master Life Coach
Jessica George is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Professional Master Life Coach, and Co-Founder of Evolve Therapy Coaching based in Glendale, California. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in hybrid therapy and coaching services, couples counseling, and clinical hypnotherapy. Jessica holds a Bachelor’s degree from The University of California, Santa Barbara and an MA in Counseling Psychology and Talk Therapy from Ryokan College. Jessica is trained in the Imago technique and the Gottman method for couples therapy. She also earned a Professional Life-Coach Certification from The Fowler Academy and an Infinite Possibilities Relationship Certification. She is a member of the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners (IBCP).

Jessica George, MA, CHt

Certified Professional Master Life Coach

Expert Answer

Be kind to yourself. Don't ruminate too much or speculate about them, and make sure that you don't talk poorly about your ex-friend in social settings.