How to Flirt With Women

Last Updated: June 3, 2021 References

Flirting with women can be quite intimidating. But learning a few small tricks to help you along the way will make the process much less daunting. The more you practice these steps, the easier flirting will get. Becoming comfortable flirting will mean more confidence and, ultimately, more success!

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Being Mindful About How You Present Yourself

1
Be clean and hygienic. This may seem simple, but it's baffling how many guys don't take hygiene seriously. Physical attractiveness isn't the most important thing when it comes to being able to approach a woman you are interested in flirting with. Even if you don't consider yourself attractive, a little personal maintenance can go a long way.^{[1]
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- This includes things like wearing clean clothes, showering every day, using deodorant in the morning, brushing your teeth, making sure your hair looks presentable, etc.
2
Project confidence. This does not mean that you should be overly arrogant and brag about every wonderful thing in your life. But it does mean that you should go into a flirting encounter acknowledging your value as a person so that the object of your flirtation will pick up on this.
- Women are receptive to how people feel about themselves and they will pick up on it if you have no faith in yourself.
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3
Smile! People will be more drawn to someone with a smiling face than they would to someone with a neutral or frowning face. Smiling sends a positive initial message,^{[2]
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Research source} and can also raise a woman’s first impression of you before you even decide to start flirting with her.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Understanding Body Language

1
Use body language to your advantage. Research shows that about 93% of our communication is non-verbal, with only 7% of communication happening through our actual words.^{[3]
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Research source} Because of this, body language is by far the most powerful weapon you have in your romantic arsenal. Understanding how to employ body language in your favor will overshadow almost any other mistake that you might make during the flirting process.
2
Practice body language mirroring. This basically means that you should imitate the other person's tone of voice, facial expressions, etc. This will make the other person feel at ease with you and build rapport between you both.^{[4]
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3
Be mindful of how you position your arms. Having an open demeanor is what you should aim for when flirting with women. This means that you need to avoid crossing your arms (i.e. closing your body) or legs. Crossing your arms can be viewed as trying to put a barrier between yourself and the other person. Try to keep your arms hanging at your sides if you are standing. And if you are sitting, open your legs toward the woman, if possible, and rest your arms on the tops of your legs, with your hands dangling between your legs. This stance demonstrates confidence and openness.
4
Tilt your body towards her. This goes back to creating an open feeling between you and the woman you're flirting with. Tilting your head towards a person lets them know you're listening. Tilting your body towards a person lets them know you are fully engaged in the conversation.
5
Touch her playfully. A small touch can let a woman know you are interested in more than just talking to her. Try complimenting her on her necklace and touching it briefly or lightly touching her arm as you laugh at something funny she's said.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Considering Your Approach

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Consider your in with the woman. The first initial interaction with a woman will set the stage for the remainder of the encounter, so it is important to choose your approach wisely. It is possible to
- Research shows that women are more receptive to third-party introductions or direct introductions than to cute-flippant lines, compliments, or attempts at humor. So, your best bet is to find someone who knows the girl you want to flirt with and have them introduce you to her.
EXPERT TIP

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist

Be thoughtful when you compliment a woman. Love and relationship psychologist Dr. Sarah Schewitz says: "When you're complimenting a woman, avoid making any comments about her body from the neck down, unless you're talking about her clothes. The nicest types of compliments, though, are about personality traits, like, 'You seem really kind,' or 'You're really warm and inviting.'"
2
Understand verbal versus nonverbal communication. We communicate in many different ways. Body language, as discussed earlier, is very important, as is verbal communication. Both types of communication can be very powerful, so attention must be paid to both.^{[5]
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- Studies have shown that women employ more nonverbal flirting cues than men, but that they are prone to anticipate and expect more verbal flirting cues from the men who flirt with them.^{[6]
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  Research source} As such, men who employ nonverbal flirting cues when engaging with flirtations with women might not be received as positively as men who employ more verbal flirting cues, which is what women are prone to expect. These men might even be viewed as less masculine because they are implementing flirting techniques that are considered to be more feminine.
3
Be perceptive to her body language. Notice if she is leaning in towards you or offering you small, quick smiles. Both of these are good signs and indicate that you should continue. If, however, she is not smiling or is constantly looking away, take this as an indicator that she is not receptive to your advances.
- Recognizing these types of physical cues is an ability that is very much instinctual. Because reproduction is necessary for the continuation of our species, we can inherently tell when another person is a good potential mate. In animal/instinctual terms, these physical cues are signals that you don't intend to dominate, nor do you intend to flee--both useful messages potential mates need to send before they can proceed to intercourse/reproduction.^{[7]
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EXPERT TIP

"If a woman is turning or walking away from you, rolling her eyes, or not smiling a lot, you may be coming across as too aggressive."

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Making the First Move

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Walk up to her. Remember that women respond better to direct introductions, so keep this in mind. Smile as you approach and maintain open, confident body language.
2
Introduce yourself. Say hello and tell her your name. Or, better yet, have a mutual acquaintance introduce you to each other. Shake her hand firmly to show you are confident in yourself and that you respect her.
3
Make her laugh. There are many ways to make women laugh. You can try walking a tricky line by integrating two things that normally wouldn't be good at all by themselves: arrogance and stupid humor.^{[8]
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- If you're arrogant, she won't want anything to do with you, and if you just make stupid funny comments all the time she's going to think you're just a clown and won't take you seriously. But when you mix these two tactics together, the combination becomes something that'll draw the girl's attention to you like a magnet to metal.
- You've probably heard and seen things about nice guys finishing last and that jerks always get the girl. This is often because the nice guys don't use this technique, but the jerks do. This technique is effective because it shows the woman that you're funny and that you can laugh at yourself (by laughing at your own implied, pretend arrogance).
4
Keep the conversation going. Do this by asking her questions!
- Ask questions about the environment (What do you think about the band playing at this party? or Have you tried the food here?) or about things happening in the world (How do you like that new comedy movie?).
- And remember, a person's favorite topic to talk about is always themselves.
- If you're planning on truly getting the girl you must become the girl. Find out what her interests are, her style, sense of humor, likes and dislikes, and other things that make her her. That way she may feel comfortable when you approach her. Then mimic and compliment her voice and other traits with yours.

Warnings

When flirting with women, it is easy to cross the line between confidence and arrogance. This can result in a quick end to the encounter or a slap in the face. So keep that in mind.

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