How to Fit in With the Popular Crowd

Last Updated: May 2, 2022 References

No matter where you go, there will always be a social hierarchy – that’s just human nature. If you feel that you’re at the bottom of the social ladder, climbing to the top can seem intimidating and impossible. Thankfully, there are plenty of easy and fun ways to improve your social standing that will also make you feel like a happier and more confident person. Look for a social niche that needs to be filled in a group, and try to gradually gain a role with the popular crowd. Work on being a genuinely likable person, as this will endear you to the group. You should also keep your style in mind. While being popular does not solely come down to looks, a good sense of style can certainly help bolster your popular status.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Finding Your Social Niche

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Use your interests to your advantage. A good way to make friends is via mutual interests, so make use of your existing interests and passions. If you have a shared interest with a popular student, this can help you lay down the foundations of a friendship. Pay attention to the clubs and teams popular students are a part of. Is there a group that strikes your interest? Maybe you could get involved.^{[1]
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- Think about your own interests and passions. Maybe you've always loved playing softball with your younger brother. A number of popular girls at your school are on the softball team. Consider joining to bolster your popularity.
- You can also look into clubs outside of school. Maybe the most popular girl in your class takes dance lessons. You're interested in dancing yourself, so think about getting involved in the local dance scene. This can help you make friends with people that may have an in with this popular girl.
2
Step out of your comfort zone socially. It’s easy in life to get by doing the bare minimum, but if you want to fit in with the popular crowd, that won’t be enough. If you're shy by nature, it can be tough to put yourself out there and reach out to popular students. If you push yourself out of your comfort zone, you're more likely to end up in situations where you'll meet new people.^{[2]
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- This can be particularly helpful if you're shy by nature. You may be a fascinating person who has a lot in common with the popular crowd, but if you tend to be socially reserved, that won't matter. You need to reach out to others in order to make friends.
- Push yourself to become more social. Set goals for yourself. For example, promise yourself you will make conversation with the person whose locker is next to yours on Monday. Agree to sit with a bigger group than usual at lunch.
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3
Start off with small interactions with popular students. Small, one-on-one interactions are key to eventually becoming part of the group. Instead of attempting to impress all the popular students at once, look into fostering relationships with a few key members via small interactions over time.^{[3]
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- Think about who it would be easiest for you to befriend. Maybe you and Jacob don't have a lot in common, but you have a lot in common with Jacob's friend Trevor. You could try to foster a relationship with Trevor, and he can serve as your gateway to the popular group.
- Start slow, as you don't want to overwhelm a potential new friend. Stick to small interactions. Maybe you and Trevor are both on the swim team. You could make a point of making small talk in the locker room, or during down time at practice.
- Be patient. It can take awhile for friendship to grow, but consistent interactions over time can help build a relationship.
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Use social media to solidify relationships. Social media is a huge part of how our culture communicates. Having an active social media presence allows you to continue to develop friendships and relationships with the popular kids, even when you’re not hanging around them. Add the popular kids on various social media platforms and continue to build your friendships online.^{[5]
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- Engage with popular kids on social media. Comment on someone's Facebook status or like their Tweets. Focus on people you're beginning to form friendships with. For example, if you and Trevor are pretty friendly at swim practice, try talking to him online after school.
- As you begin to hang out with the popular kids, take and post lots of pictures of you hanging out with the popular kids. Soon, they’ll forget that you were not initially part of their group.
5
Find a unique identity through your personal talents. If you have a talent or a skill, share it. People look up to and are inspired by talented people, so if you have a talent, show it off. You can use your talents to find a role in the school. If you're known as, say, the class clown, the popular kids may feel like you would be a good addition to their group.^{[6]
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- If you’re a good singer or dancer, try out for the school musical. If you’re a strong leader, go out for student council.
- Focus on how your talents can help you solidify your identity. If you've always had a knack for making others laugh, do stand up at talent shows. You can become the class clown, which may make you greatly appealing to the popular group.
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Accept a small role in the popular group early on. You do not want the popular kids to feel like you're forcing your way into the group. If you act overeager, this can be off-putting. Instead, accept a somewhat small role as you begin to hang out with the popular kids. Let your transition into the group happen naturally.^{[7]
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- At first, lay low a bit. Participate in conversation, but do not try to be the center of attention. Attend group get-togethers, but allow yourself to socialize with a few key people in the background. Do not try to engage in things like inside jokes until you've been in the group awhile.
- Eventually, you'll become an established member of the group. At this point, you can begin to be more bold and interact more freely. However, such comfort and intimacy with others must build over time. Do not try to force it when you first join the group.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Being a Likable Person

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Avoid engaging in negative behaviors to boost popularity. Many people feel behaving aggressively in social situations can bolster popularity. For example, you may think making fun of an unpopular student will endear you to the popular kids. However, this behavior is unlikely to win you any favor. Try to stay positive and be nice to others. Do not push people down to bring yourself up, as this is likely to backfire.^{[8]
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- In addition to not helping your quest for popularity, bullying has other consequences. Students who are bullied can develop serious problems as a result, and you do not want to hurt someone just to be popular.
- You could also get into trouble with your school if you pick on other students. Bullying is just not worth it.
2
Volunteer to help out your popular friends however you can. Everyone likes a helpful person. If you're able to help out popular students here and there, this will endear you to them. You'll be seen as a helpful, agreeable person to have around.^{[9]
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- Offer to do things no one else wants to do. For example, say the popular group is planning a party. They need someone to stand by the door and let in guests, which is a job no one likes. Volunteer to do it. The popular kids will appreciate you taking this grueling task off their hands.
- Use any talents you have to help out others. If you're great at chemistry, offer to help a popular boy who struggles with the subject with his homework.
- However, do not let popular students take advantage of you. You want to look agreeable and genuinely kind and not like a pushover. Do not, for example, do someone's homework for them.
3
Be kind to everyone. There are some people in this world who have an innate ability to make other people want to be around them. They are able to do this because they are nice to everyone – not just people who are above them on the social ladder. Being genuinely kind can help you be more likable, leading most students in your school to look up to you.^{[10]
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- Say "Hi!" to everyone you see at school or work, even people you don’t know.
- Don’t just talk about yourself. Listen and ask questions when you’re speaking with other people. Remember details people have shared with you and ask about them later. For example, "Hey, you mentioned your cat was getting spayed this weekend? How is she doing?"
- Try to make every person you talk to feel like the most important person in the room. Do not go on your phone during conversation. Make eye contact with the person you're talking to and pay attention to everything they say.
4
Make people laugh. Humor is a great way to bond with people as laughter puts everyone on the same page. Some people are born funny, but if you’re not one of them, make an effort to develop your sense of humor.^{[11]
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- The formula for being funny is truth+time=laughter. Try to say something honest, quickly. It can help to watch funny TV shows, movies, and stand up comedians. This can help you get a sense of comedic timing.
- Only use your comedy for good – don’t be the person who puts other people down to get a laugh. Do not use humor as a form of bullying, as this is unlikely to win you friends.
5
Use observational compliments. Even the most popular, confident people like hearing nice things about themselves – that’s how humans are wired. Instead of gifting people with empty compliments, like “I like your jeans” try making observational compliments.^{[12]
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- Take something you notice about a person and use that to formulate your compliment. For example, say something like, “I noticed you’re really good at baseball. You must train really hard."
- Do not be shy about telling people how you feel. If you really appreciate how hard a student worked on her presentation, say so. People are drawn to people who are positive and genuine.
6
Practice your charisma. Contrary to popular belief, people can learn to become more charismatic. The more charismatic you are, the more people will want to spend time with you. Popular people are often very charismatic, so honing your charisma can help win you friends.^{[13]
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- To become more charismatic, stay in the present during conversation. You give off subtle cues when your mind wanders, so genuinely pay attention to what others are saying. You should look like you're listening, but avoid nodding too much while talking to someone. This can make you look overeager and nervous.
- If you start to get bored or if you tend to tune out during conversations, focus on the physical sensation in your toes for two seconds. This can help bring you back to your body and help you stay more present.
- Make eye contact. People are interested in people who are interested in them. Making eye contact throughout a conversation can make you appear attentive and genuinely invested in what the other person is saying.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Improving Your Physical Appearance

1
Focus on personal hygiene. If there’s one surefire way to get people to keep their distance from you, it’s engaging in poor personal hygiene. Don’t be the smelly person – always shower, brush your teeth, do your hair and put on deodorant before school or work.^{[14]
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- Eat fruits and veggies every day. They can improve the quality of your skin.
- Keep any facial hair you might have neat and trimmed.
- Take good care of your dental hygiene. People tend to be more drawn to people with dazzling smiles.
2
Dress to impress. The way you present yourself is hugely important – it affects the way people perceive you and it can have big implications for your social status. If you haven’t cared about your clothing choices before, now’s a good time to start trying.
- You don’t have to copy the popular kids’ outfits, but take a moment to observe what they wear. You want to choose clothing that is personal and unique to you, while still following some trends and being appropriate and flattering for your body.
- Look in fashion magazines and online to keep abreast of trends and to look for outfit inspirations. Pick trends that work well for you. If you have bigger hips, leggings may look awkward on you. However, something like an infinity scarf can be cute and preppy.
- If you don’t have the money to overhaul your wardrobe, try trading some of your clothes with a friend for a cheap and instant wardrobe update.
3
Work out. Working out can increase your confidence, which in turn can increase your popularity. Working out can also improve your posture and make your body look more toned, which will make you look and feel more comfortable in your skin and in your clothes.^{[15]
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- Find an exercise regiment you like and stick to it. Play around with new forms of exercise, like yoga or pilates or lifting weights.
- Join a sports team. Teams are a great way to not only stay in shape, but to make friends with other popular kids and expand your social circle.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I get over trying to please everyone?

Evanne Torrecillas
School Counselor
Evanne Torrecillas is a School Counselor with over four years of experience in education. She specializes in working as a mental health advocate with middle school students and their caretakers. Evanne holds a BA in Political Science from The University of California, Berkeley and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in School Counseling from California State University, Sacramento.

Evanne Torrecillas

School Counselor

Expert Answer

Remember to be kind, but also there are different degrees of kindness. If you are overly kind to every single person that you come across, it might actually come across as fake, and then people will be wondering who you are. You won't please everyone, and there's no reason to try.
Question

Do you have to play a sport to be popular?

Evanne Torrecillas
School Counselor
Evanne Torrecillas is a School Counselor with over four years of experience in education. She specializes in working as a mental health advocate with middle school students and their caretakers. Evanne holds a BA in Political Science from The University of California, Berkeley and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in School Counseling from California State University, Sacramento.

Evanne Torrecillas

School Counselor

Expert Answer

The activity itself isn't going to make you popular, but it can attract other individuals that are interested in it, so it can make you popular with a specific crowd, yes. Know that you don't have to be popular with every single person to really stand out and only do the activities and sports that resonate with you.