How to Find the Right Guy for You

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: June 23, 2022 References

Fairy tales teach little girls that they'll have to kiss a few frogs before they meet their prince. The problem is, they never say just how many of these frogs are ahead of Prince Charming in the smooching line. Quit kissing frogs and take control of your own destiny with these thoughtful tips for finding the right guy for you.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Figuring Out What You Want

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Know yourself first. It's impossible to figure out what kind of guy is right for you until you take a step back and decide what's important to you.^{[1]
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- Compile a list of the most important aspects of your life and personality. This list can include things like hobbies, people, goals and ideals.
- Set future goals for yourself.^{[2]
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  Research source} If you want to be married in the next five years, it is important that the man you date is in the same place in his life.
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Identify the most important traits you want in a partner. These can be emotional, professional and even physical desires, but be sure not to become obsessed with superficial appearances.^{[3]
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- Think of personality virtues that are important to you. Some desirable traits might be kind, funny, energetic, outgoing or optimistic.
- Consider occupational stability. Ask yourself what you'd like your future husband to be in his professional life - does he occupy a comfortable 9-to-5 desk job or is he a risk-taking entrepreneur that travels the world?
- Identify the beliefs that you want to share with your partner. For example, it may be very important that you share the same religious or political views, and this can influence where you look for a potential partner.
- Envision what you'd like your guy to look like, but be realistic. It's important to be physically attracted to your man, but don't get caught up in searching for perfection. It's easy to find physical faults in people when you're looking for them, so focus on his personality first.
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Learn from past relationships. Think about the issues that arose in past relationships that might have caused the relationship to crumble and don't let history repeat itself.^{[4]
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- Ask yourself what qualities your ex-boyfriends had that irritated you throughout the relationship or may have caused you to end it altogether. These can be simple behaviors or habits that had a negative effect on your relationship. Avoid dating guys with these negative personality traits.
- Ask yourself what undesirable qualities you brought to the relationship. There will always be things we wish we had done differently in past relationships. Think about the negative ways you might have reacted to certain situations in the past and make a commitment to manage yourself gracefully and respectfully in your future relationship.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Knowing Where to Find Him

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Open your eyes to what's around you. Drawing your ideal man is a lot easier than finding him, but searching in the right places will put you on the right track. Odds are there are eligible bachelors hanging out in the same places you like to hang out.
- Look at the list of desired personality traits you created and identify the hobbies you want your partner to share. For example, if you're an athletic person and you want your man to go on ten-mile runs with you every weekend, spend some extra time scouting at your gym or even your local sporting goods store.
- If it's sharing beliefs that is most important to you, look for potential partners in specific communities such as religious/spiritual groups or at political meetings.
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Consider blind dates. Being set up with someone seems daunting to most, but sometimes your friends really do know what's best for you.^{[5]
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- Talk to your friends and let them know what you're looking for. Chances are they just might know someone that fits your description.
- Don't feel obligated to say "yes" if your friends want to set you up with someone you're really not interested in dating, even if you asked for their help.
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Look into online dating websites and matchmaking services. While it can seem creepy to people who grew up without the internet involved in every aspect of their life, internet dating has become a common place to find potential mates.^{[6]
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- Set up a profile on a dating website such as match.com or eHarmony.com and browse around to see if you find any guys that share your interests. It might not be the old-fashioned way of doing things, but it does allow you to clearly articulate what you're looking for in a guy.
- Hire a matchmaker to set you up. If you're really having trouble finding Mr. Right and have the funds, hire a love professional to find potential matches for you. After all, a matchmaker has a very specific job, and s/he might just find something that you're missing.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Catching His Eye

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Put on your flirting face. Steal quick glances and smile at the guy that you're interested in.^{[7]
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Start a conversation with him. Don't be afraid to spark up the conversation yourself if he doesn't start talking to you first. In the wise words of Nelly Furtado, "chivalry is dead, but you're still kinda cute." Don't let that cutie get away without a conversation.^{[8]
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- Ask him a question or make a witty comment about what he's doing to break the ice. For example, if he just loudly lost a game of pool to his buddies, you might tease him and tell him you know a good place that he could take lessons.
- Body language is just as important as each word you say. Show him you're interested by maintaining eye contact, leaning slightly forward with your body, playing with your hair and flashing him coy smiles.
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Be open to accepting date offers. Dating is hard. It forces you into a vulnerable position where you have to talk about yourself in a favorable light over food you might not normally eat. But, it really can be fun if you approach it in the right way.
- Be yourself when you're on a date. Though we often have the tendency to hide our quirky traits or nerdy obsession with Star Wars on the first date, resist the urge to misrepresent yourself.
- Don't take yourself too seriously. Take the pressure off and allow your true personality to shine through. If you joke and lighten the mood, you'll encourage your date to open up and do the same.
- Don't try to force a connection. If you haven't felt a spark after a few dates, let it go. Be straightforward with your date by telling him that you just aren't feeling the romantic vibes and suggesting that you remain friends.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Getting to Know the Real Him

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Spend time with his family and friends. In order to really get to know a guy, you have to get to know the people he spends his time with.
- Be careful not to confuse his friends' actions with his actions. It's important to see how your man acts around his friends, but don't hold him accountable for way his friends behave on their own.
- Make an effort to get to know his family and see where he comes from.
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Take him to do activities that you like to do, and make sure you can tolerate the things that only he likes to do.^{[9]
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- If you're going to be with someone long-term, you want to make sure that he can tolerate doing the things that only interest you, even if it means he has to sit through a chick flick once in a while.
- Make sure you'll be able to fulfill your part of the bargain and sit through some activities that might not be your favorite. Compromise is necessary for a healthy relationship, and sometimes you just have to let your guy monopolize the television with his favorite video game for a few hours.
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Observe his behavior in stressful or challenging situations.^{[10]
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- Make sure he is able to talk calmly about problems that arise in your relationship. Small arguments are inevitable in long-term relationships, but it's crucial that your man can communicate with you if something is wrong.
- Examine how he deals with stressful news. Life isn't all rainbows and kittens, and stressful situations are bound to arise. The important thing is that your guy supports you in trying times and approaches problems in a rational manner.
- See how your man acts when the little things go wrong. For example, if you get stuck in a snowstorm and end up getting towed down a mountain, is he angry for days on end or does he try to remedy the situation? You want to make sure your life partner can deal with less than desirable situations instead of getting angry.

Warnings

Becoming too attached to a partner can allow for friendships to fade out. Make an effort to catch up with your friends as often as you used to.

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Don't rush into any relationship, even if you feel like you've found the guy you want.

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Don't become obsessed with your list of desired traits. Use it as a guide, not a comprehensive checklist.

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Meet in a populated public space for your first date, especially if you use an online dating service or choose to go on a blind date.^{[11]
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