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This article was co-authored by Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.
There are 15 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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Many people find it hard to rely on themselves as a source of happiness. It is possible to find happiness inside yourself. There are different ways you can approach this and many techniques you can employ to help increase you feelings of inner happiness. You don't need to look beyond yourself to find your source of happiness. Just make sure you take the time to find it.
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 3:
Defining the Road to Happiness
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1Write down what happiness means to you. Because this is your happiness, it is important to frame what it means for you to be happy. There are many ways to get your ideas down, just make sure you do. In properly defining what you mean when you imagine your internal happiness, you give yourself a solid goal.
- Brainstorm to get many ideas down quickly.
- Make outlines to help structure your thoughts.
- Write an essay to help you fully articulate your thoughts.
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2Try to spot any triggers that lead to either positive or negative thoughts. Maybe rainy days always put you in a bad mood, or thinking of tests always makes you think of failure. When you recognize these, you're in a position to challenge them and to try to alter your inner state. Instead of thinking about how rainy days put you in a bad mood, think positive thoughts like, "The plants in the garden could really use the rain water today."Advertisement
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3Set meaningful goals for yourself. Take a hard look at your life. Examine your values. Think about the person you want to become. Use this to set goals that are meaningful to you. Research suggests people that do are more likely to happily achieve their goals.[1]
- Be realistic. Acknowledge your situation and abilities when you’re planning.[2]
- Keep your goals action-oriented. Don't focus on things or on what you have or don't have. Focus on what you can do.
- Frame your goals in a positive light. You’re more likely to achieve your goals if you see them as something you’re working toward, not something you’re working against.[3]
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4Visualize your “best possible self.” This has been shown to increase feelings of happiness and well-being. It involves visualizing how the “future you” looks after achieving your goals, and then picking out the characteristics you need to use/learn to get you where you want to be.[4]
- Pick a few goals and imagine that you have achieved them.
- Make sure these goals are personally meaningful, not status symbols.
- Write down all the details of your scenarios. Imagine characteristics you will need to make them work.
- Consider which of these traits and skills you already have.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:
Cultivating Happiness
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1Develop an optimistic outlook. Work on improving your perspective in a couple areas of your life at first. Pessimism often stems from feelings of helplessness. Identify some aspects you’d like to change in your life, then work on improving them. This will help restore trust in your ability to create change.[5]
- See yourself as cause, not consequence. Optimists believe negative events or experiences can be overcome. For example, if you're having a bad day, take it as a challenge. Don't let yourself feel defeated.
- Start small. Don’t feel you have to take on everything at once.
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2Practice active gratitude. This means making a point to be thankful. A multitude of research confirms that gratitude is good for you. It reduces anxiety and depression. Gratitude helps you to be positive and feel happy.[6] It strengthens relationships with others and encourages compassion.[7] [8] [9] [10]
- Some people are grateful by nature, but you can train yourself to develop gratitude.[11]
- Make a time every day, like before dinner, to say things you're thankful for.
- Remember to thank store clerks, delivery people and coworkers more often.
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3Forgive and forget. Prolific research suggests that forgiving can have serious benefits for the forgiver. Forgiving produces calmer feelings, and can have big impacts on well-being. Quelling stress caused by ruminating on negative feelings can help increase overall feelings of happiness.[12] Don't just forgive others, remember to forgive yourself.
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4Meditate. The goal of meditation is to focus and quiet your mind. It may come as a surprise to learn that you can meditate anywhere and any time. There are a great number of different kinds of meditation, such as yoga, transcendental, mindfulness, and laughter meditations.
- Try different kinds of meditation. Look online or talk to local meditation teachers to find ones best suited for you.
- Make it a regular habit. Meditation works best when it is done every day at the same time, so that you make it firmly part of a routine.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:
Dealing with Negativity
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1Challenge your negative thoughts. Even if you have spent most of your life thinking negatively, you don’t have to continue being negative. Whenever you have a negative thought, particularly an automatic negative thought, stop and evaluate whether the thought is true or accurate.[13]
- When you feel like a failure, remind yourself of past success.
- If you're angry at someone, try to see it from their point of view.
- During sadness, make yourself watch funny movies or crack an impromptu joke.
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2Show yourself compassion. Beating yourself up can leave you feeling weak and unhappy. Dwelling on negative thoughts or feelings of guilt doesn’t promote improvement. It holds you back. Show yourself the kindness and generosity you might show a friend.[14]
- Treat yourself on a bad day.
- Do something that distracts you, to break your frame of mind.
- Get some rest and relaxation.
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3Stop ruminating. Rumination is repeatedly thinking a negative thought. Moments, thoughts, things other people said repeat in your head to the point of obsession.[15] Rumination generates negative thoughts and emotions. The more you do it, the worse it gets. Ruminating excessively can contribute to feelings of depression.
- Work to solve problems you're obsessing over. Instead of thinking about it, take action. Change the situation, or talk to people who can.
- Practice positive self-reflection. If you spend a lot of time thinking about your negative traits, interrupt your thoughts with self-praise. Tell yourself you did a great job or that you tried your best.
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4Seek professional help if needed. There are many instances when a professional can help advance your search for inner happiness. Do your research to discover the best one for you. You may not need any help, or you may choose to see more than one professional.
- Life coaches and spiritual mentors can help you with strategies for inner happiness.
- Therapists, psychologists and psychologists are qualified to help with mental health problems.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do I find meaning in my life?
Adam Dorsay, PsyDDr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.
Licensed PsychologistI suggest you spend some time figuring out what your values are and what your signature strengths are. These give you a sense of what your north star is regarding meaning in your life. When you figure that out, engage in activities that support those strengths and you will have a better roadmap toward personal fulfillment.
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/notes-self/201308/how-set-goals
- ↑ http://news.stanford.edu/news/2015/january/resolutions-succeed-mcgonigal-010615.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/notes-self/201308/how-set-goals
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-matters-most/201303/what-is-your-best-possible-self
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/201306/how-optimism-can-be-learned
- ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/pdfs/GratitudePDFs/5Watkins-GratitudeHappiness.pdf
- ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/pdfs/GratitudePDFs/2Wood-GratitudeWell-BeingReview.pdf
- ↑ https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01273.x
- ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/gratitude/definition#why_practice
- ↑ http://www.psy.miami.edu/faculty/mmccullough/Papers/Gratitude_CDPS_2008.pdf
- ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/pdfs/GratitudePDFs/5Watkins-GratitudeHappiness.pdf
- ↑ http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/forgive-forget
- ↑ http://www.healthlinkbc.ca/healthtopics/content.asp?hwid=uf9857
- ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_self_compassion_beats_rumination
- ↑ http://www.apa.org/monitor/nov05/cycle.aspx
About This Article
Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008. This article has been viewed 244,733 times.
Co-authors: 25
Updated: March 22, 2023
Views: 244,733
Categories: Happiness
Article SummaryX
If you want to find happiness within yourself, try taking time to write down what happiness means to you so you can have a solid goal to work towards. You can brainstorm lots of quick thoughts, create outlines, or even write an essay, as long as the process makes it easier for you to know what makes you happy. Once you have your thoughts on paper, use them to create realistic and action-oriented goals, rather than focusing on what you want or don’t have. For instance, you might envision yourself as happier if you eat healthier, so your goal might be to eat a serving of fresh vegetables with each meal. For more advice from our Mental Health co-author, like how to challenge your negative thoughts, scroll down.
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