How to Deal with a Cranky Senior Citizen

Co-authored by Justin Barnes

Last Updated: September 8, 2021 References

Maybe you are dealing with an irritable elderly neighbor. Or perhaps an older family member seems to be regularly out of sorts. Whatever your individual situation, dealing with a cranky senior citizen can be very difficult. Fortunately, there are several steps you can take to improve the situation and make both of your lives easier. Remember, just because you might communicate differently, the senior citizen still has feelings, too.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Figuring Out the Issue

1
Assess the situation. When dealing with an irritable elderly person, your first step is to try to figure out what the problem is. Is it evident what is bothering them? For example, do they seem to be struggling to get groceries inside the house during nasty weather? If so, that's probably why they're cranky.^{[1]
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- If your neighbor or relative seems cranky for no discernible reason, try to use communication to figure out what might be the problem.
2
Consider external factors. Keep in mind that elderly people are often dealing with an extra set of attributes that can affect their mood. For instance, as people age, their bodies are changing. It is entirely possible that the elderly person in question is dealing with physical pain that you don't know about. That could certainly affect their mood.^{[2]
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- Many older citizens are on several different types of medication. Often, different prescriptions can have negative effects on a person's mood.
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3
Ask questions. When trying to figure out why a person is irritable, the most straight-forward and effective way is to ask questions. You don't have to pry, but you can try asking a series of open-ended questions. By opening up a conversation, you might be able to ascertain the cause of irritability.^{[3]
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- For example, instead of just saying "How are you?", use a more open-ended version such as, "How's your day going? What's on your agenda for the day?"
- Make sure to speak clearly. Some older people suffer from hearing loss. They might not necessarily be cranky--maybe they just didn't hear you when you said hello.
4
Listen carefully. When you initiate a conversation with an elderly person, make sure that you are being an active listener. Focus all of your attention of the conversation. Make the older person feel like you really value what they are saying.^{[4]
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- Make sure to make eye contact.
- Paraphrase what the elderly person is saying.
- Ask questions throughout the conversation.
5
Don't take it personally. Remember that when an elderly person is irritable, it likely is not your fault. Sometimes you might be the only person they are interacting with that day, so they unfairly take their anger out on you. Try not to take their negativity to heart.^{[5]
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- When you remember not to take it personally, you will become more objective. That will allow you to step back from the situation and more clearly assess the problem.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Being Patient

1
Change your perspective. Remember that generational gaps can cause issues in communication. When there is a big difference in age, there can also be significant differences in opinions and and views.Try to be respectful of the elderly person's view point. Shift your perspective to try to see where they are coming from.
- Asking questions can be a great way to help you change your perspective. Getting more information can help you understand the elderly person's point of view.
2
Take a deep breath. Sometimes it can be very frustrating to deal with an irritable person. It can even feel like nothing you do is right. Often the best thing you can do is just to calm yourself down and mentally reset.^{[6]
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- Practice deep breathing. Take several lengthy inhales, and take measured exhales. This will lower your heart-rate--and your stress level.
3
Take a break. It can sometimes be very useful to take a time-out from a frustrating situation. If you feel like the other person's cranky nature is negatively affecting you, it is normal to feel like you need a mental break. Taking a step back can allow you to calm down and return to the conversation when you are mentally refreshed.^{[7]
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4
Focus on the positives. Remember that you are interacting with this person for a reason. Chances are that there is something that you like about them. For example, maybe it is your elderly aunt who is routinely cranky. Try to focus on remembering the fun you used to have making Christmas cookies with her.^{[8]
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- If the cranky person is your neighbor, maybe focus on the fact that they never have noisy parties.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Finding a Solution

1
Offer to help. Once you have determined what the problem is you can extend an offer to help. Make sure that your offer is genuine--do not offer to help if you are unable to or do not sincerely want to. Instead, extend an sincere and concrete offer of assistance.^{[9]
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- For example, if your elderly mother is having difficulty taking care of her home, ask her if she would like you to hire a cleaning service.
2
Be empathetic. Being empathetic means that you try to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Once you know why this person is cranky, try to think about how you would feel in their situation.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Justin Barnes
Senior Home Care Specialist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2020.} Then try to determine what would make you feel better.^{[11]
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- Elderly people are often lonely, which can account for their unfriendly disposition. Offer your company, and suggest an activity the two of you can do together.
3
Ask for assistance. You might not be able to solve the other person's problem. Especially if you do not know the elderly person well, the situation might be out of your hands. What you can do instead is ask for assistance. Try reaching out to close friends or relatives of the elderly person to see what they suggest.
4
Provide resources. Most cities have senior centers where older people can go for recreational activities. Other organizations, such as churches and libraries, also offer programs geared towards seniors. You could look up some local resources and provide that information to your neighbor or relative. This could be potentially very helpful and go a long way towards lifting their mood.^{[12]
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5
Remain positive. It can be very draining to deal with a cranky senior citizen. The most important thing you can do is to remain positive. Remember that you are doing a good thing by being kind and helpful. Even if your help is not obviously appreciated, you are probably making an impact.^{[13]
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- Try putting a smile on your face. Even if it feels false at first, the simple act of smiling will make you feel better.

Community Q&A

Question

Why are old men so cranky?

Community Answer

It's difficult to be old; everything hurts and their bodies don't work as well as they used to, and the world has changed so much from the time of their youth. It can be frustrating and frightening, and lots of people respond to these emotions with anger. Be compassionate.
Question

My 85-year-old does not want to show his photo ID at various doctors offices. He claims his drivers license is his and argues. How do I handle this?

Community Answer

Explain to him that there is a lot more identity theft going in these days and the doctor's office is trying to make sure they are treating the right person. Along those lines, also explain that the security measures they are taking are to protect him, not infringe on his privacy. See if you can get him another photo ID that you can keep and show to the medical personnel.
Question

How can I get my elderly parents to be nicer? They're so grumpy!

Community Answer

If you want your parents to be nicer to you, start listening or pretend to understand their rules, or how they are feeling. Sometimes when parents are mean, they are stressed out, and are taking it out on you. If you comfort them, or ask them if they are okay they might start to notice that you notice something is wrong with their emotions. Something that really makes parents mad, is talking back, or proving yourself right. It's hard not to talk back, but say something that they might agree with, or if have been disrespectful in any way, it does not hurt to apologize to them. (Even if you did not do anything.) Be respectful, listen to them actively and reflect back their concerns with some offers of help or basic advice. Don't stay around them too long and point out when they start complaining that there are solutions they can avail themselves of.