How to Deal with Visitors After Giving Birth

Co-authored by Jami Yaeger

Last Updated: September 13, 2022 References

Congratulations! You may have or soon expect a new baby. You’re probably pretty excited about the new member of your family. Chances are that other family members and friends are just as happy.^{[1]
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Research source} It’s not uncommon for people to want to meet your baby as soon as possible. In some cases, they may want to visit you shortly after birth. But childbirth and getting used to a new baby can overwhelm you and visitors may add to this feeling. You can deal with visitors after giving birth by planning your wishes in advance and accommodating your needs both in the hospital and at home.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Planning Your Wishes with Visitors in Advance

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Explore your feelings about visitors. Chances are that you are just as excited to have your loved ones meet your new baby as they are. But unexpected complications can arise during labor and after that may make welcoming visitors more difficult. Taking some time to consider whom you’d like to visit and how to deal with potentially difficult situations can help prevent awkward encounters after you give birth.^{[2]
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- Make a list of people whom you’d like as visitors and those who can wait a bit. For example, you may only want your parents or siblings to visit in the first few weeks. You may also feel comfortable inviting other friends or even colleagues to visit you in the hospital or at home.
- Develop a couple of different contingencies for visitors that don’t put stress on you or them. Ask yourself questions such as, “What do I do if there are complications?,” “What if I don’t feel like visitors after giving birth?,” or, “Is this person going to cause me stress?”
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Reduce stress with scheduled visits. It’s called labor for a reason: delivering a baby is hard work! You may be too tired or sore to deal with a big group of people joining you after you give birth. Having a loose and flexible schedule of visitors can give you a chance to breathe after the delivery and even enjoy people’s company—and help!—after the initial excitement of the new baby dies down.
- Spread out your guests as much as possible. The key is to make visits as stress-free as possible and it’s generally easier to handle 1-2 people than a group.^{[3]
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- Make a schedule of potential visits. You probably want the people closest to you to see you and your new baby first. Put them on your schedule either on your delivery day or a day or two afterward. Then spread out visits every couple of days to let yourself rest and deal with potential complications.
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Talk to potential visitors about your wishes. After you’ve had a chance to figure out how you want to structure possible visits after you give birth, you’ll need to express your wishes to others. This sounds easy in theory, but it can be difficult, especially if it’s someone you love. Letting people know about your wishes for visitors in advance can minimize awkward post-birth encounters and may ease stress once you’re baby arrives.^{[4]
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- Use conversations about the baby as a way to inform people of your wishes. For example, “Aw, Christopher and I really excited to have you meet the baby, too. Since this is our first, we’re going to wait a few days to see people so we can settle into our new life. I’ll text you as soon as we’re ready to see you.” You might also say, “We decided to do a home birth and are excited to have people see us and meet the baby. I’ll let you know when Sara goes into labor and feel free to stop by whenever you like.”
- Be honest with people, knowing that most will understand and respect your wishes. For example, “Mom, this has been a really difficult pregnancy and I’m really worried about this baby’s health. I think it’s easiest if I let you know when it’s born and then figure out the best time to visit from there.”
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Set up a meal train for post-birth. Most people are exhausted when they have a new baby. Many will even forgo proper nutrition with fast food or delivery services to get a few extra moments rest. Instead of worrying about expensive takeout, ask a friend or family member to set up a meal train for you. A meal train will allow you to get a delicious and nutritious meal while someone gets to meet and hold your new baby.
- Use a website such as Take Them a Meal or Meal Train to set up your meal train. This gives you a chance to organize when people come over and visit with your baby.^{[5]
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  Research source} It can also ensure you get food you like and prevent unexpected knocks at the door.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Accommodating Visitors When They’re With You

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Be flexible with your plans. Your first priority after birth is caring for yourself and your baby. You may have wanted visitors after giving birth, but find that you are too tired or overwhelmed once you’ve delivered. Doing what makes you feel best can help you focus on yourself and your baby, even if it means disappointing someone momentarily.^{[6]
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- Inform scheduled or other potential visitors that you’re not ready to see them. You don’t have to provide extensive details. A simple, “Hey Sam, I am really looking forward to seeing you and introducing Ellie, but we’re really exhausted today after the C-section. I’ll let you know when we’re ready for a visit. I’m so sorry to break our plans.”
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Prepare a list of things visitors can help with. Chances are, when people come over, they'll want to know if there's anything they can do to help. Don't hesitate to take them up on the offer—new parents need all the support they can get! Some ideas for things guests can do include:^{[7]
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Expert Source

Jami Yaeger
Parenting Specialist
Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
- Bringing food, coffee, or beverages for your family
- Helping with laundry
- Doing dishes
- Taking the dog out
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Host people to your comfort level. Many people with new babies don’t have a chance to clean or shower all of the time. This may make you nervous when having guests. But you should welcome guests in a way that makes you feel comfortable. This may include seeing people in pajamas or hiding dirty laundry behind closed doors. In most cases, visitors will understand that you’ve just had a baby and may not be on top of everything.^{[8]
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- Set aside on comfortable, clean outfit for guests you don’t want to visit with in pajamas. You can also throw on a cardigan over pajamas or dirty clothes.
- Keep a stash of cosmetics or other beauty products within reach if you want to freshen up.
- Host people in one room and close the doors to others you don’t want them to see. Stash dirty laundry under the bed or in closets if you like.
- Avoid feeling the need to apologize for not cleaning, showering, or offering guests something to eat or drink. Visitors are often there because they love you and want to meet the baby.
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Have a policy on child visitors. Some of your friends and family may have babies or small children of their own. They may want to bring these small persons along during the visit. Children often carry germs or conditions such as chicken pox. Babies haven’t built up their immune systems and don’t usually get vaccinations until they are 8 weeks old and exposure to a bacteria or virus could be fatal. Sticking to a policy on child visitors can help keep your baby healthy.^{[9]
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- Let friends and family with children know you would like them to visit without their children because your baby doesn’t have their vaccinations. Set up an alternative time after your baby has had their first round of shots.
- Recognize that small children have a lot of energy and may be loud. They can also be curious and get into things in your home you don’t want others to see.
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Let visitors know when it’s time to go. Seeing people after you give birth may exhaust you—even after 15 minutes. Remember that visits should be fun for you. If you have an oblivious guest who overstays their welcome, you can gently let the person know it’s time to go. A few ways to politely tell someone to leave include:^{[10]
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- ”Hey there, Peg, thanks for stopping by! Come on in and see the baby. Unfortunately, I’m going to have to cut out to feed Felix at 2:30, but we’d love to see you until then.”
- ”It’s been really wonderful to see you, Bob. It’s time for Charlotte’s feeding and I want to help out Sara with it. Let’s try and get together sometime soon.”
- ”Alexander just put down Eloise. I usually take a nap with her, so I’m going to sneak away now.”

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Dealing with Unwanted Visitors

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Navigate unexpected visitors. There is almost always a person or people who show up to see you and the baby without notice. This can put a lot of stress on you. Depending on how you’re feeling, either welcome the visitors or politely cue them to leave.^{[11]
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- Empathize with people’s excitement and remember they’re trying to share in your joy. Stay as positive as you can, even if you’re surprised. An, “Oh, Teresa, how lovely to see you, I wasn’t expecting anyone,” is much better than, “Teresa, please leave.”
- Gently cue people to leave if you are tired or not ready to see anyone. You can simply say, “Thank you so much for coming over, Mrs. Newman, but I was just about to feed Jack and put him down for a nap. Maybe you could stop by later this week?”
- Avoid apologizing for yourself if you want to see people but may not feel presentable. Instead, try saying, “Hey Molly, it’s so great to see you! Anna and I weren’t expecting guests but would love to introduce you to Max—and the tornado of laundry he creates!”
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Visit others when you’re ready. If you know you have guests who will overstay their welcome or who may stress you, considering paying them a visit. This gives you more of a chance to control the situation and how long you spend with them.
- Say, “Oh, jeez, where did the time go? I’m unfortunately going to have to leave because it’s Annie’s feeding and naptime. I really like to keep it a consistent routine at home.”
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Refuse unwanted or high maintenance visitors. In some cases, you may have people who want to visit or meet your baby who you don’t want to visit. This could be anyone from a high maintenance neighbor to a grandparents you’ve cut out of your life. Refusing visitors can be a very touchy and emotional situation for you. Finding constructive ways to refuse unwanted or high-maintenance visitors can help you avoid stress and enjoy time with your new baby.^{[12]
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- Have a diplomatic conversation with a person if you are on relatively good terms. For example, “Peg, it would be better if you visited in a few weeks or months. We’re still getting used to having a baby and want to limit visitors as much as we can so we can establish a routine.”
- Enlist the help of your partner, a relative, or close friend if you don’t have a good relationship to the visitor. Ask them to explain to the person your feelings. For example, “Sam, my mom is at the door and I’m sure she wants to see the baby. I just don’t want her to meet our baby after how she’s treated me,” or, “Allie, can you please tell Cat to just stay away? We’re not friends any longer and the baby doesn’t change my feelings.”

Expert Q&A
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Question

Is it OK to not want visitors after having a baby?

Jami Yaeger
Parenting Specialist
Jami Yaeger is a Parenting Specialist, Doula, and the Owner of AustinBorn, an online community offering comprehensive and modern education to growing families. With 10 years of experience, Jami specializes in whole family support for pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and parenting. Jami earned her BA in Theatre Performance from San Diego State University and earned her Certification as a Lactation Education Counselor from the University of California, San Diego. She is a Certified Infant and Child CPR Instructor, Birth and Postpartum Doula, and Childbirth Educator.

Jami Yaeger

Parenting Specialist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

If someone makes you feel stressed out when they're around, postpone their visit until you're feeling a little more settled. Try to keep it short and simple—just let your friends and extended family know that you'd like time to bond as a family, and you'll let them know when you're ready for visitors.
Question

How do I deal with unwanted visitors?

Jami Yaeger
Parenting Specialist
Jami Yaeger is a Parenting Specialist, Doula, and the Owner of AustinBorn, an online community offering comprehensive and modern education to growing families. With 10 years of experience, Jami specializes in whole family support for pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and parenting. Jami earned her BA in Theatre Performance from San Diego State University and earned her Certification as a Lactation Education Counselor from the University of California, San Diego. She is a Certified Infant and Child CPR Instructor, Birth and Postpartum Doula, and Childbirth Educator.

Jami Yaeger

Parenting Specialist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

That's really important to address before your baby comes, if you're able to. Really think about what your needs are going to be, then think about who's best to fill those needs. Also, when people do come over, have a list of things that you could use help with, like doing dishes or laundry or taking out the dog.