How to Deal with Fake People

Last Updated: November 18, 2022 References Approved

Is one of your friends or family members suddenly acting like someone you know she/he is not? Have you recently been annoyed or bullied by someone with an obvious "put-on" persona? If so, you're not alone — fake people are everywhere and they are usually desperate for attention. Luckily, with a few simple tricks, you can get rid of the influence that posers, haters, and other fake people have on your life.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Overcoming Annoying Fakeness

1
Avoid the fake person. Whenever you're dealing with someone who makes you feel annoyed or disrespected, your best move is almost always one of the simplest options available. Simply avoid the person who's aggravating you. Hang out together as little as possible. The less time you spend with this person, the fewer chances s/he will have to get on your nerves.^{[1]
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- The best part of this policy is that it's also a subtle way of punishing someone for acting fake. When they act this way, they don't get the privilege of hanging out with you.
2
If you can't avoid the fake person, keep your interactions short. Making decisions about who you hang out with one-on-one is easy. However, sometimes social situations can force you to hang out with fake people anyway (for example, if the fake person shows up to a group event). In this case, you still want to avoid being rude, so don't outright ignore the fake person. Instead, just try to act polite without being overly friendly. This way, you have less of a chance of starting a conversation with the fake person.^{[2]
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- A good rule of thumb is simply to avoid talking to this person until s/he talks to you first or until you have to for some other reason. Act polite but a little distant towards this person — a little like how you'd talk to someone you've never met before.
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3
Don't let annoying fake behavior get to you. Keeping your cool around fake people is very important, even if they're really annoying.^{[3]
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- It's almost always better to remove yourself from an annoying situation than to blow up at someone whose fakeness is aggravating you. Don't be afraid to give yourself a few minutes of "cool off" time if you feel your temper beginning to flare.
- However, if the fake person says something disrespectful to you, you don't have to lay back and take it. Fake people need to know that there are limits to their behavior, so fire back by saying something like, "I don't like it when you say things like that around me."
4
Don't stoop to the fake person's level. You never want to become fake yourself when you're trying to fight fakeness in other people. Resist the urge to "get back" at a fake person by giving in to petty gossiping and rude remarks. Remember that if you act this way, other people may not be able to tell the difference between your fakeness and the fakeness of the person you're fighting.^{[4]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Dealing With a Fake Friend

1
Address the "fakeness" head-on. It's one thing when a classmate or lose acquaintance is acting fake. When a close friend starts acting fake, however, it can seriously affect your life because it's much harder to avoid or ignore this person. If you suddenly notice a change in your friend's behavior — s/he starts acting in a way that you know isn't true to their self — speak up. Be prepared for a little resistance, however. No one likes to hear that they are doing something wrong.^{[5]
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- For example, if you notice that your friend is hanging out with mean, petty people to look "cool," tell your friend that you're surprised by this. Stay polite, but don't shy away from mentioning that you think these people have terrible priorities.
2
Ask questions to get to the bottom of the fakeness. Understanding why your friend is acting this way can make it much easier to overcome his or her fake behavior. Asking your friend questions about his or her new behavior is a good way to figure out what's going on, but it's important to stay respectful. You don't want to upset your friend when you can avoid it. Try asking questions like:
- "Hey, I've noticed you acting a little differently lately. What's up?"
- "So you've been hanging out with some different people, huh?"
- "What's all this new stuff you've been talking about lately?"
3
Consider having a heart-to-heart if the problem is serious. To a certain extent, what your friend chooses to do is his or her business. However, if the desire to be "fake" cool leads your friend to do things that are unwise, it's your duty as a caring friend to intervene. You may not be able to stop your friend from doing these things, but you can let them know how damaging you think it will be.^{[6]
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- If your friend is getting involved with things that put his or her safety in danger (like, for example, drugs), you can tell a counselor or parent. They may be angry about this, but it's better than the alternative.
- Only do this if you are genuinely concerned for their safety. It is not your place to patrol your friend's choices in life.
4
Talk to your other friends about the problem. Keep in mind that you never have to fight fakeness alone. If you've noticed that one of your friends has been acting fake, odds are that your other friends have too. When your fake friend isn't around, discuss what's going on with them. They may have new perspectives or inside information that makes things easier to understand. Together, you can come to a decision about how to deal with your friend's new behavior.^{[7]
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- Try to avoid having your conversation turn into a "dogpile" session. Remember that your goal is to talk about how your friend is acting differently than you're used to. It's not an excuse to make fun of this person or offer complaint after complaint.
5
Be willing to "take a break" from your friendship. Ultimately, you can't force someone not to be fake. If you're having trouble getting your fake friend to "see the light," take a step back. Let your relationship cool before you start hanging out again. Avoid hanging out with this person one-on-one and limit your interactions when you're hanging out in a group. Showing your friend that fake behavior makes it so that you don't want to hang out may persuade him or her to stop. If not, at least you'll limit the amount that this person can annoy you.^{[8]
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Community Q&A

Question

I have a friend who is fake and belittles me when I call her on it. What do I do?

Community Answer

Leave her. Nothing's worse than a friend like that -- it's toxic!
Question

My friends are ignoring me and I did nothing wrong. What can I do?

Community Answer

Be straight forward and ask them the reason. If they give a valid reason, then apologize. If they give an invalid reason and ignore you for a really long time, it's is probably time to move on from harmful friendships.
Question

Two girls I know used to be nice, but now they are being really rude and giving me dirty looks. What should I do?

Community Answer

People change, it's part of life, you'll never please everyone and that is one of the biggest life lessons you will ever learn. You are in charge of what ruins your happiness. Show them that they care about you way more than you care about them!