How to Deal With Complaints

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: January 31, 2023

Maybe you are dealing with complaints from customers in the workplace and you are trying to figure out the best way to manage your customer’s expectations. Or, maybe you are fielding complaints from your family and friends, but are not sure how to best address them. Rather than be overwhelmed by complaints from others, you can learn how to deal with them with tact and grace. To deal with complaints from customers or people in your social circles, you should address and validate the complaints, and then take steps to either make the person feel heard or offer solutions to the problem.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Addressing Customer Complaints

1
Listen carefully to the customer. You should always start by listening carefully to what the customer has to say. You should never interrupt the customer or speak over them. Do not get defensive or angry when the customer speaks. Instead, show empathy and concern.^{[1]
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- Maintain open body language while the customer speaks, such as maintaining eye contact and positioning your body towards the customer. You also smile and nod at the customer to show them that you are listening and paying attention to what they have to say.
- Once the customer has finished speaking, you should repeat back what they have said to you. You may say, “Thank you for sharing your concern. What I’m hearing is…” or “I believe you are saying that…”
2
Ask thoughtful, concerned questions. You should always follow up your acknowledgement of the customer’s issue by asking questions that are thoughtful and show your concern. You should try to get as much information from the customer as you can, as this will allow you to better understand their perspective and work together to find a solution to the issue.^{[3]
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- For example, if a customer is complaining about poor service by a cashier, you should ask questions like, “Would you mind explaining exactly what happened?” and ask follow up questions like, “When did this occur?” or “What time did this occur?”
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3
Apologize sincerely. You should always offer the customer a sincere apology for the issue, no matter the issue. The customer will appreciate the apology, even if they are upset or frustrated and often an apology can help to diffuse the situation.^{[5]
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- You should try to apologize without blaming anyone, including your employees, the customer, or your company’s policies. Instead, simply say, “I apologize for the inconvenience this issue has caused you” or “I am sorry that this incident occurred.”
4
Propose one to two solid solutions for the issue. You should follow up your apology with action. Ask the customer, “What would be an acceptable solution to this issue for you?” Or, you can take the initiative and propose one to two solid solutions for the issue. Presenting at least two options will make the customer feel that they have control over the situation and are able to choose a solution that best suits them.^{[7]
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- For example, if a customer is complaining about a damaged item she purchased, you may propose two solutions. You may propose that she return the item for a full refund or that she replace the item with a non-damaged model, free of charge. You could ask which option she feels more comfortable with so she has options.
5
Follow through on the chosen solution. You should always follow through on the solution that is accepted by the customer. This will show the customer that you take their complaint seriously and sincerely wish to make amends for the issue. You should try to follow through on the chosen solution right away so the customer can move on from the issue.
- Avoid passing the customer off to a person who is higher on the chain of command, unless the customer requests this option. Moving complaints up the chain of command tends to slow down the process and make the customer more frustrated, especially if there is paperwork or phone calls to higher ups involved.
6
Thank the customer for their understanding. Once the customer’s complaint has been addressed and a suitable solution has been found, you should thank the customer for their patience and understanding. You should also give them a contact that they can reach out to, such as your business card or the company’s customer service line, if they have any other issues or concerns in the future.^{[9]
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- If the customer complaint is a serious one, you may decide to follow up with the customer a few days after the issue has been addressed. You may ask the customer if they are okay with a follow up call before you initiate it. You should then make the call and confirm that the customer is satisfied with the solution to their issue.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Dealing with Complaints from Family and Friends

1
Be a good listener. Though it may be difficult to handle complaints from friends and family all the time, you should try to be a good listener and support those close to you. This means not interrupting the person when they are speaking and not talking over them. You should also focus your attention on them when they are speaking and maintain eye contact with them.^{[11]
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- Try to also practice active listening, where you listen closely to what the person is saying and then repeat what they said to you back to them. You may say, “What I hear you saying is…” or “I think you are upset because…” Once they have agreed that you have heard what they said correctly, you can respond to them in kind.
- For example, maybe your sister is complaining about her boyfriend. Once she has finished speaking, you may say, "What I hear you saying is that you don't like it when Darren stays out all night without calling you or checking in." Your sister should agree that you heard her correctly and you can then respond to her complaint.
2
Show empathy and compassion. Approaching someone who complains with empathy and compassion will allow the person to feel supported and acknowledged. Simply acknowledging the feelings and concerns of the person complaining can really make them feel that they are being heard and that you care.^{[13]
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- Show empathy for the person by listening to what they have to say and then stating: “I hear what you’re saying”, or “I can understand why you might be upset.”
- The act of showing empathy can also help the person to reflect on their own perspective and attitude. You may say, “I can see why that might be difficult” and the person may take a moment to consider if in fact the issue is really that difficult or dramatic. Taking a moment to consider the reality of the situation may allow the person to put their complaints in perspective and not feel as bad about the situation.
- Avoid being sarcastic or mocking of the person complaining, even if you feel their complaints may not be justified. Doing this will only make the person feel worse and could lead to a conflict with them. Instead, try to be compassionate and empathetic to the person as much as you can.
3
Offer possible solutions and advice. Once you have listened to the person’s complaint, you should try to offer solutions or advice to help them feel better about the situation. You may suggest that they approach the issue in a certain way or share your own experience in a similar situation.^{[15]
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- However, it's always nice to ask first. Not only does it confirm whether or not the person really wants advice or not, but also helps the person receiving the advice to remain open and receptive to it.
- For example, you may say, "I think you may be missing the positives of the situation" or "Have you considered the upsides of the issue?" You may also make suggestions on how the person can deal with the issue, such as, "Maybe you could try talking to someone with authority about the issue" or "Have you considered letting go of the issue and moving on?"
- Keep in mind that though you may offer the person advice or a solution, they may not take it and that is okay. Sometimes, a person is so wrapped up in their situation that they may not be willing or able to take someone else’s advice. You should try to be supportive of the person, even if they do not take you up on your solution.
4
Set clear limits and boundaries. Though you should try to listen and support those around you who have complaints, you should also set firm clear limits for yourself. Setting limits around how long you can listen to the person complain and how often you can be the “voice of advice” for them will ensure you do not take on too much of their situation. You may limit the amount of time you set aside to spend with the person or put boundaries around how long you will listen to the person complain.^{[16]
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- For example, perhaps you have a family member who often complains about the same issues at her work. You may listen patiently to her talk about the issues for ten minutes at the dinner table and then introduce other topics of conversation. Share what’s going on in your life or ask the family member about a more positive aspect of her life.
- Setting limits will also allow you to be a good listener and support in the future, as listening to too much complaining all the time can lead to resentment and frustration. You should be clear about your boundaries so you do not end up having to always be the one who listens to the person’s complaints.