How to Deal With Competitive People

Being around a competitive person can be draining. It can make you feel frustrated or annoyed. It can even be detrimental to your career if someone is choosing to steal the credit for your work. Therefore, you must find a way to deal with the competitive people in your life.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Interacting With Competitive People

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    Acknowledge their accomplishments. Often competitiveness stems from a place of insecurity. If a person is bragging about their work, family, or some other part of their life, give them the praise they are seeking. If you give in, you may find that some of the competitiveness stops.[1]
    • In addition, you may find that the praising the person helps them see you as a friend rather than as a competitor.[2]
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    Ignore them. One strategy you can employ, especially at work, is to ignore the person. Pay attention to what you need to do, and continue working hard. If you enter the person's game of one-upping each other, you're only egging the person on.[3]
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    Equalize the playing field. If someone is always taking over meetings to show how much better he or she is, suggest a way to even the playing field. For instance, maybe you could set a time limit for how long each person talks. In turn, maybe you could encourage a way for every person to share ideas, such as going down the table at meetings to see who has ideas, rather than just letting it be a free-for-all.[4]
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    Try to calm down. Getting angry at the situation will not help. When you find yourself getting mad, take a few deep breaths to calm yourself. Once you're calm, try to figure out how you can make the situation better. Giving in to anger may only egg the competitive person on.[5]
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    Defend yourself. If a competitive person is trying to attack you, you are well within the realm of decorum to defend yourself. If possible, have a way to back up what you are saying.[6]
    • For instance, if a coworker tries to steal an idea, bring up emails that show you had the idea first.[7]
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Building a Culture of Teamwork and Cooperation

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    Find common goals. Another way to convert competitive people to allies and build a cooperative environment is to look for ways to work together.[8] If you happen to find another parent at your kid's school too competitive, you could try finding a project you can work on together, such as building a better library.[9]
    • For instance, you could say, "I see we both care deeply about our kids' education. What would you think about working on a library book drive together to improve their educational environment?"
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    Build networks. When you're dealing with a competitive person at work, it can make you feel isolated and frustrated. Be sure to work towards building friendships with other people in your office, the ones who aren't trying to compete with you. By being yourself and working hard, you will find that people will realize your value, despite the fact that someone is always trying to look better than you. Additionally, building networks helps the whole environment, making it more cooperative and team-focused.[10]
    • Besides helping people value you, building friendships can help give you the support you need when you have a competitive person in your life.
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    Introduce new people. When new people arrive on the job, make sure you go over and introduce yourself. You can take it even further by introducing that person around to other people in your department. That way, the person already starts to get to know people and doing so promotes good working relationships.[11]
    • If you can, try to go beyond just "Hello!" and "Welcome to the company!"[12]
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    Value diverse opinions. In a workplace environment, it can be easy to shut out opinions that don't conform to the majority. However, often dissenting opinions can help make a project better. Try to encourage others to speak up, and if someone gets shut down, take it upon yourself to defend the person.[13]
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    Work on trust. Like most relationships, work relationships are built on trust. Just like those other relationships, building trust takes work and time. However, doing so can help make your workplace more cooperative.[14]
    • Tell the truth.[15] Being honest about your work helps to build trust with others.[16]
    • Do what you say you're going to do. Another way to build trust is to first say what you will do, and then follow through with it.[17]
    • Work towards the benefit of the group. Not only will this step help thwart the competitive people, it will also help create an environment of cooperation. That is, instead of always looking for personal acclaim through the work you do, make sure you are trying to make your team or the company as a whole shine.[18]
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Being More Confident

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    Work against negativity. Your brain is wired to think negative thoughts at times, even when the situation doesn't warrant it. Meaning, your brain may be thinking that everyone in the office is against you because someone made a small comment. However, it's more likely that most people find you a likable person, even if one person made a negative comment about you. Think about all the things people have said in the past that have been positive to help balance it out.[19]
    • Confidence can drive a competitive person crazy. If the person is insecure, your confidence will throw the person off his or her game. If the person is simply narcissistic, the person will likely respect you more for your confidence.[20]
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    Tell yourself you can do it. Self-affirmation is a technique that many people use to build confidence. One way you can employ this technique is to pick an affirmation statement and repeat it as you look yourself in the mirror every morning, such as "I'm a good person who is capable and strong." You can also use similar mantras to psych yourself up before big events, such as meetings.[21]
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    Show yourself your good qualities. Set aside some time to make lists about yourself. Focus on your achievements and strengths. You can also make a list of what you like about yourself. Use these list to boost your confidence when you're feeling down.[22]
    • For instance, under achievements, you could write things like, "Got a degree," "Have an awesome job," and "Have an amazing family." Under strengths, you could write "pays attention to detail," "is good at communicating with others," and "does well on a team." Under things you like about yourself, you could write things such as "I am always willing to help out" or "I make time for my family."
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    Put on a brave face. Half of being confident is acting confident. As you smile and hold your head up, you'll start to actually feel the confidence you're trying to fake. In other words, even if it feels weird, faking confidence builds confidence.[23]
    • That also means projecting your voice. Speaking soft or mumbling doesn't exude confidence.[24]
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    Push yourself. When you always do the same things every day, you may find that you start feeling just a bit too comfortable. Pushing yourself to do new things, even small ones, can boost your confidence. Talk to someone you've been meaning to introduce yourself to. Go to that new Ethiopian restaurant across town. Sing at a karaoke night. All these little instances add up to make you more confident.[25]
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    Dress the part. Dressing the part doesn't mean you need to dress like everyone else. Rather, it means that you need to find clothes that make you feel good about yourself. While you need to think about the clothing being appropriate for the situation, finding clothes that make you happy can boost your confidence.[26]
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    Be prepared. Whatever the situation, try to prepare ahead of time. Giving a presentation in a meeting? Do the research you need to do, and practice your speech. Going to a new building for work? Find it ahead of time so you know where you're going. Being prepared gives you confidence, since you know you've done what you can to face any bumps in the road.[27]
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Expert Q&A

  • Question
    How do you tell if someone is trying to compete with you?
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Certified Professional Master Life Coach
    Jessica George is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Professional Master Life Coach, and Co-Founder of Evolve Therapy Coaching based in Glendale, California. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in hybrid therapy and coaching services, couples counseling, and clinical hypnotherapy. Jessica holds a Bachelor’s degree from The University of California, Santa Barbara and an MA in Counseling Psychology and Talk Therapy from Ryokan College. Jessica is trained in the Imago technique and the Gottman method for couples therapy. She also earned a Professional Life-Coach Certification from The Fowler Academy and an Infinite Possibilities Relationship Certification. She is a member of the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners (IBCP).
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Certified Professional Master Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    They might try to blatantly outdo you or one-up you at different things, which can be distracting and bothersome.
  • Question
    Is a competition good or bad?
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Certified Professional Master Life Coach
    Jessica George is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Professional Master Life Coach, and Co-Founder of Evolve Therapy Coaching based in Glendale, California. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in hybrid therapy and coaching services, couples counseling, and clinical hypnotherapy. Jessica holds a Bachelor’s degree from The University of California, Santa Barbara and an MA in Counseling Psychology and Talk Therapy from Ryokan College. Jessica is trained in the Imago technique and the Gottman method for couples therapy. She also earned a Professional Life-Coach Certification from The Fowler Academy and an Infinite Possibilities Relationship Certification. She is a member of the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners (IBCP).
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Certified Professional Master Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    In many cases, competition is healthy. It gets you thinking about what you need to do to better yourself or a project you're working on.
  • Question
    How do you deal with a competitive coworker?
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Certified Professional Master Life Coach
    Jessica George is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Professional Master Life Coach, and Co-Founder of Evolve Therapy Coaching based in Glendale, California. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in hybrid therapy and coaching services, couples counseling, and clinical hypnotherapy. Jessica holds a Bachelor’s degree from The University of California, Santa Barbara and an MA in Counseling Psychology and Talk Therapy from Ryokan College. Jessica is trained in the Imago technique and the Gottman method for couples therapy. She also earned a Professional Life-Coach Certification from The Fowler Academy and an Infinite Possibilities Relationship Certification. She is a member of the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners (IBCP).
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Certified Professional Master Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    Try to bring up their competitiveness in a positive conversation. A lot of times, people don't even realize when they're being competitive.
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References

  1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201109/how-keep-your-cool-competitive-people
  2. ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/take-down-a-hyper-competitive-coworker-in-5-moves-2012-6
  3. ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/take-down-a-hyper-competitive-coworker-in-5-moves-2012-6
  4. ↑ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/dear-gt/how-do-i-deal-with-younger-competitive-people-at-work
  5. ↑ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/dear-gt/how-do-i-deal-with-younger-competitive-people-at-work
  6. ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/take-down-a-hyper-competitive-coworker-in-5-moves-2012-6
  7. ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/take-down-a-hyper-competitive-coworker-in-5-moves-2012-6
  8. ↑ Jessica George, MA, CHt. Certified Professional Master Life Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.
  9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201109/how-keep-your-cool-competitive-people
  1. ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/take-down-a-hyper-competitive-coworker-in-5-moves-2012-6
  2. ↑ https://hbr.org/2009/01/four-ways-to-encourage-more-pr
  3. ↑ https://hbr.org/2009/01/four-ways-to-encourage-more-pr
  4. ↑ https://www.opm.gov/policy-data-oversight/performance-management/teams/building-a-collaborative-team-environment/
  5. ↑ http://career-advice.monster.com/in-the-office/workplace-issues/6-steps-to-building-trust-in-the-workplace-hot-jobs/article.aspx
  6. ↑ Jessica George, MA, CHt. Certified Professional Master Life Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.
  7. ↑ http://career-advice.monster.com/in-the-office/workplace-issues/6-steps-to-building-trust-in-the-workplace-hot-jobs/article.aspx
  8. ↑ http://career-advice.monster.com/in-the-office/workplace-issues/6-steps-to-building-trust-in-the-workplace-hot-jobs/article.aspx
  9. ↑ http://career-advice.monster.com/in-the-office/workplace-issues/6-steps-to-building-trust-in-the-workplace-hot-jobs/article.aspx
  10. ↑ http://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/13-easy-ways-to-boost-your-confidence.html
  11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201109/how-keep-your-cool-competitive-people
  12. ↑ http://psychologyformarketers.com/12-ways-to-build-self-confidence/
  13. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/building-confidence-and-self-esteem
  14. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/building-confidence-and-self-esteem
  15. ↑ http://psychologyformarketers.com/12-ways-to-build-self-confidence/
  16. ↑ http://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/13-easy-ways-to-boost-your-confidence.html
  17. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/building-confidence-and-self-esteem
  18. ↑ http://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/13-easy-ways-to-boost-your-confidence.html

About This Article

Jessica George, MA, CHt
Co-authored by:
Jessica George, MA, CHt
Certified Professional Master Life Coach
This article was co-authored by Jessica George, MA, CHt. Jessica George is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Professional Master Life Coach, and Co-Founder of Evolve Therapy Coaching based in Glendale, California. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in hybrid therapy and coaching services, couples counseling, and clinical hypnotherapy. Jessica holds a Bachelor’s degree from The University of California, Santa Barbara and an MA in Counseling Psychology and Talk Therapy from Ryokan College. Jessica is trained in the Imago technique and the Gottman method for couples therapy. She also earned a Professional Life-Coach Certification from The Fowler Academy and an Infinite Possibilities Relationship Certification. She is a member of the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners (IBCP). This article has been viewed 43,175 times.
25 votes - 87%
Co-authors: 11
Updated: February 18, 2022
Views: 43,175
Categories: Etiquette
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